Mysweetlittlegirl
Day two without my sweet german shepherd Maggie. For 8 years she never took her eyes of me and was always by my side. 

She started drooling about two weeks ago, then lost mobility in her back legs. A few nights ago we were up all night as she vomited. Back and forth to the vet 5 times in one week. Possible slipped disc, possible ulcer, blah blah blah. More meds, more trips to the vet trying to hold her up with a towel. No pee or bowel movement for days. Heavier and heavier thick drool and slowly we began to lose her.

She never got any better. Only worse.

After the second night of thick and labored breathing we decided to let her cross the rainbow bridge. I couldn't bear her suffering any more. We had a wonderful vet come to the house and let her pass peacefully while my heart broke into a million pieces, never to recover.

Yesterday while doing yard work because I can't take being in the house without her, I replayed the last week over and over. Drooling, hind leg mobility loss, elevated respiration. Back into the house to google the above and what came back shattered me even more. It may have been a tick bite that infected her. She had all the classic symptoms.

I was responsible for my sweet girls death.

I have the damn flea/tick preventive but hadn't used them as we haven't been out in the woods yet and she rarely spends much time outside in our back yard. I usually put the drops on a few days before we start going into the woods and swimming at a local state park. 

Three vets and mom missed this. My little girl would still be alive today if I had only put the flea/tick preventive on her. The guilt is crushing.

Our other dog is clueless. She never has been a family dog and prefers her own company. Looking at her I feel even more lonely and sad. I get no comfort from her. It would be easier not to have any dog in the house. Brutal I know. But true. 

I only have empty spaces now where Maggie should be.

The loss, the shame, the guilt, the broken heart, the fact I will never see her again is killing me. Too many emotions. I can't stop crying for her. I would do anything to have her back. Maggie_2724503074927096918_n.jpg  I truly want to die right now. 

Gwyneth Jain-Legener
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lettersatlarge
I'm so very sorry about the loss of Maggie, she looks like such a happy, proud doggie. Please though, do not beat yourself up over this. I know right now your mind is reeling, searching for any way you could have avoided what happened, and when you can't, it's natural to try to find fault in yourself. You say you didn't use the tick medication, but had you even been in the woods? I read it takes nearly 2 weeks after exposure or bite for symptoms to appear. If it makes you feel better, you might want to call your vet and ask if this was a true possibility. It might be that the vet will say it was unlikely, or if it was likely to be the case, perhaps the vet will do better to ask the right questions or give the right tests to the next pup that comes along like Maggie.

No matter what the case may be, what happened was not your fault. You did right by Maggie, dutifully taking her in for test after test, and ultimately alleviating her pain. She would never blame you for what happened, she would thank you for being by her side, caring for her until her last moment, for being there as she crossed over. She would thank you for those 8 years of happiness and if she could, I'm sure she'd tell you that she wants you to be happy again too.
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Mysweetlittlegirl
Thank you so much for your beautiful and kind note regarding Maggie. I just got off the phone with the vet, and she does not believe it was tick paralysis that took my sweet Maggie's life. However Maggies symptoms and what I read still haunts me. I think what I want is closure as to how I lost my beautiful girl. Not having an answer is so very difficult.
Gwyneth Jain-Legener
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lettersatlarge

Mysweetlittlegirl wrote:
Thank you so much for your beautiful and kind note regarding Maggie. I just got off the phone with the vet, and she does not believe it was tick paralysis that took my sweet Maggie's life. However Maggies symptoms and what I read still haunts me. I think what I want is closure as to how I lost my beautiful girl. Not having an answer is so very difficult.

I absolutely understand what you mean. You have an intense need to understand the hows and the whys, but even if you had those answers, you cannot turn back time. It was Maggie's time and she was fortunate to have her beloved near when it came.

I want you to know that most everyone here can relate, however. We all have had those feelings, those questions, those regrets over the what-ifs, we blame ourselves for things we could not have known or understood. So in this respect what you're going through is completely normal.

I'm glad you spoke to your vet, you may not have gotten the answer you wanted, but I feel it was important that you knew it was out of no error of your own.

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