FClaire
Its been six days since we lost our beautiful boy Ollie. Just cannot accept he is not here anymore. We miss him so so much. The house is empty, his beloved garden just looks lifeless. This week has been a haze. And I am just about managing to get through the day. I cant eat,feel so sick. Cant stop crying. Feeling guilty and going through all the what ifs. I dont want to get up in a morning because I know when I come downstairs he wont be there. I'm so lonely in an evening after my husband has gone to bed, because Ollie and myself always stayed up together. He was a beautiful westie and had suffered with lung disease the last six months. He was so strong and he never let it get him down. Or so we thought. He was still eating and drinking. He was a greedy little thing, and had far too many treats. But he knew how to get more, he would just stare at me and he knew I always gave in. He was the boss of the house. Up until last thursday he was still wanting his walks. Although we had made them shorter for him as he had slowed down. Last friday, if only we knew it was going to be our last day with him. It was a normal day, he didn't do anything different. Still ate and drank. Went outside in his garden which he loved. It was strange though last week as we picked up that he was extra clingy to us. Did think it was maybe due to the fact the week before we left him with my daughter for a few days why we went away. We never left him, but this time couldn't take him with us. Felt so guilty. He wasn't great with his breathing why away, think the heat had a lot to do with it. It became very hot here. Daughter was worried so we came home a day earlier. After that he seemed to settle, and last week he seemed brighter and what we thought was a good week with him. So friday evening last week after a good day. He suddenly went off his legs and we rushed him to the emergency vets. We thought we were going to lose him on the way. But I kept telling him to hang on. The vet said his temperature was very high and was thinking infection. We had to then take him to the hospital as our vets had no overnight care. Another long drive with our poorly boy. By the time we got there he was struggling and shaking. The vet took him off us and put him on oxygen straight away. She explained everything to us what she would do through the night, tests etc. I was so upset having to leave him there, as I knew he would stress being there without me. We came home and didn't sleep well that night. We woke to a phonecall to say would we go straight away. We got there and the vet said she had tried all sorts but he wasn't coping well, especially after coming off the oxygen. She explained that the kindest thing for Ollie was to put him to sleep and not let him suffer, as he would if we were to keep trying or take him home. Hardest decision we have ever had to make. She put us all in a room with him, he wasn't on anything so you could see he was struggling. His eyes just looked as if to say hed had enough. He didn't interact with us. We stroked him and kissed him and spoke to him. He just lay his little head down. No kisses or anything off him. It was heartbreaking. We then asked the vet to gently put him to sleep. It was so peaceful. I have spoke to the vet today and she assured me he didn't suffer during that night. And herself and her nurse gave him kisses and cuddles during the night. We didn't know her but she was so lovely, very caring and compassionate.
We have a huge hole now in our lives. We have been by his side for 11years every day. I feel suffocated when I suddenly realise hes not coming back. I want him back so much. Will this pain get easier, please tell me it will. We miss him so much.
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Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of sweet Ollie. Clearly he was very much loved and you did everything you could for him. I know it is very painful and difficult now. I've been there and can tell you it does get easier. It can help to share stories, feelings and pictures here. There are many wonderful and compassionate people here who understand.

My condolences,
Jan
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155
I am so very sorry about your dear Ollie.
Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
I know how the realization that your baby is gone can be suffocating. I remember being so beside myself with grief and heartbreak that it became hard to breathe and I felt that I would lose my mind.
Days are still very difficult missing my kitty cat Henry.. but the devastation of the first while has eased to a manageable point.
Your pain will ease also..and days will get better I can promise you that.

Many Hugs
Carol

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FClaire
Thankyou for your kind words.And so sorry for your losses also.It's a week today now that we said goodbye 😢 It just seems to be getting harder each day. I hate opening my eyes in a morning and having to get out of bed. Go downstairs and know he's not going to be there😢 Its so hard.
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155
Oh my gosh Ollie is so adorable. What a sweet little doggie.
It is just so awful I know. It's true what you say though that each day get harder. It works that way for the first while, but then it works in reverse. Everyone has their own length of grieving time and the beginning is always extremely difficult but then one day it will seem to have lessened and then a little more each day after that.
I also dreaded getting up in the morning because my Henry wasn't there. I dreaded going out because he wouldn't be there when I came back.
As bad as it is , you will get through it my dear. All you can do is take it one day at a time. Post on this forum every single day if you need to. People here are amazing and they know what you're going through more than anyone else.
One thing this forum always pointed out was that your pet wouldn't want you to be unhappy. Everything they stood for and represented to us was their joy in seeing us happy. This is what offered me a great deal of comfort.

So many hugs...
Carol
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FClaire
Really struggling today 😢😢😢💔💔💔
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Memories_of_Marmalade


Dear FClaire,

I am so sorry to learn of your loss. You can easily see in your words how completely devoted you were to your beloved Ollie, and visa-versa. The term "Cute as a button" comes to mind when viewing that delightful photo of him. Thank you for sharing that wonderful photo and some of Ollie and your story. 

This is something written below, that has provided me with some comfort:

"By agreeing to show our beloved pet mercy, and thereby bring an end to their pain & suffering, we transfer their pain & suffering onto ourselves. We absorb it. We transfer it from them, to us. And then we process that pain & suffering through our grief. That is the bargain that we made. The passage of "Time" is an important and unavoidable part of the grieving process. As our bodies and minds use time to process grief. Moment by moment, minute by minute, day by day, week by week, month by month and yes, at times every year by year.

The greater the love we had for our lost one, the greater the grief. The key is to just continue to travel through time, and allow our built-in healing factor to process our grief. It is each of our birthright. We must be gentle with ourselves. Eventually, our grief WILL pass, and then all that shall predominately remain when we reflect on our beloved pet, are our happiest and most cherished memories of them."

You made the right decision for Ollie. You showed him mercy. I am glad that your paths crossed with his when they did and that he was a true part of your family. And that he was so loved and adored. All dogs should be so blessed and fortunate.

My kindest & sincerest condolences,
James
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jerigraehl
I am so sorry about Ollie. I went throug a very similar situation and loss 3 weeks ago tomorro. Your story resonated with me due to the simiar circumstances. I am really struggling too. I took a turn for the worse this last week. I guess sometimes it gets worse before it gets better. The loss - the empty space where they should be - is unbearable. We here at this forum are here for you. It has been all that has gotten me through some days. This forum has been a real help to me. Just knowing I am not alone in my grief helps. Jeri
jerigraehl
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FClaire
Memories_of_Marmalade wrote:


Dear FClaire,

I am so sorry to learn of your loss. You can easily see in your words how completely devoted you were to your beloved Ollie, and visa-versa. The term "Cute as a button" comes to mind when viewing that delightful photo of him. Thank you for sharing that wonderful photo and some of Ollie and your story. 

This is something written below, that has provided me with some comfort:

"By agreeing to show our beloved pet mercy, and thereby bring an end to their pain & suffering, we transfer their pain & suffering onto ourselves. We absorb it. We transfer it from them, to us. And then we process that pain & suffering through our grief. That is the bargain that we made. The passage of "Time" is an important and unavoidable part of the grieving process. As our bodies and minds use time to process grief. Moment by moment, minute by minute, day by day, week by week, month by month and yes, at times every year by year.

The greater the love we had for our lost one, the greater the grief. The key is to just continue to travel through time, and allow our built-in healing factor to process our grief. It is each of our birthright. We must be gentle with ourselves. Eventually, our grief WILL pass, and then all that shall predominately remain when we reflect on our beloved pet, are our happiest and most cherished memories of them."

You made the right decision for Ollie. You showed him mercy. I am glad that your paths crossed with his when they did and that he was a true part of your family. And that he was so loved and adored. All dogs should be so blessed and fortunate.

My kindest & sincerest condolences,
James
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FClaire
Thankyou so much James for your kind words. Is it normal however to feel at this moment in time nothing people can say make this pain any easier. I am so grateful however, and so glad I found this site. Thankyou Freda.
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FClaire
Jeri, so very sorry on your loss also. I know it's so heartbreaking, I'm really struggling too. I also feel it's getting harder not easier. Everything is unbearable. Our house so empty, feel nothing for it no more. Struggling to get through the day, this past week I dont know where it went. Everything a daze. Feel alone because people around me don't understand apart from husband of course. I've isolated myself from them at the minute. I've not been out only once to take son to airport. It was horrible coming back. I've not really eaten so suggested to hubby should we go out fresh air and try some lunch, but that is an effort and I feel guilty if I do it.
Yes so glad I've found this site, it's the only place I feel at the minute people understand.
Freda x
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AndersonM
It's been 2 months since I lost my sweet cat Roger, and I still cry from time to time. The first three weeks after his passing were the most difficult. It really does get easier. Just remind yourself that you loved him and he loved you, and you gave him a good life. Many animals never get to experience that.
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FClaire
Thankyou AndersonM And so sorry for your loss also xx
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