LovesLC Show full post »
DogMom_33
I know it's much easier said than done, but please don't beat yourself up. You did the right thing. I lost my dog recently under totally different circumstances. He was young and had cancer. I spent a lot of money on tests and drugs for him in his last few days, and he passed away. Looking back, I think he suffered too much in his last 24 hours. His illness was sudden and such a shock that I didn't really have time to consider putting him to sleep, but in retrospect that may have been the better choice. I was hoping we would have more time with him, but it wasn't to be.

If you had not put her to sleep, there's a high likelihood that she would have suffered more and you would have regretted that. You were there for her while she left the world peacefully, and that's the most important thing. You took in a stray, gave her a great life and were there for her in the end - what a wonderful pet parent. What FuzzyLogic wrote is so beautiful and true.

Please take care of yourself. I know how difficult grieving can be. When you say it physically hurts you to want her back so badly - I have felt that as well. I honestly didn't know grief could be so physiological. It's not just in your head, sadness can make your body not feel well.

It sounds like it may be too soon to bond with another dog. Maybe you could foster or help with an adoption event in the meantime? I'm thinking about fostering in a month or two. That way you can help them, even if you're not ready to adopt just yet.

Sending positive vibes your way.
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Epowell
Dear LovesLC,

I think each one of us who has had to make that awful decision knew deep down it was the right thing to do for our pet(s). It just takes a while for our hearts to catch up to our brains sometimes and guilt is ever present afterward for most even when all medical options have been tried. Quality of life is so important. It would have been so selfish of you or me or any of us to continue to force meds onto and in our pets just to have them with us a while longer. There is a "look" our pets will give us when they are tired and ready to go and their demeanor changes. The most kind thing you could have done is what you did and that was to forget about your needs and heart and did what was best for her. It hurts like hell to let go, but be kind to yourself. Your sweet pup had an incredible life with you and you both made each other's lives so much richer.

I hope you don't mind me saying this, but I would guard against looking to adopt right now if you are looking for a pup just like Pilar though. I ran a rescue for many years and always had to have a compassionate talk with potential adopters who were looking for a dog or cat who looked exactly like their pet who just passed away. I asked them to take a little more time to grieve because what would have ultimately happened would be the new animal adopted would be (unintentionally) set up for failure. Pilar and God will place the right pup in your path when the time is right and you'll know it is right.

I wish you peace in your heart in the coming days, weeks and months. Pilar knows how much you love her and will find ways to show you she is still with you.

Take care,

Erin
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LovesLC
DogMom_33 and Erin, you are right. It is not time for another dog.
I feel like I am desperate to have her here somehow. She was an angel.
It was by chance that I had her, and something about the serendipity of it made it more special.
I volunteer at one of the county animal shelters where she was dropped off along with her brother. We get to name the strays and she would be the first stray I named.
My friend joked later " you name it...you own it".
The shelter asked for a foster a short time later for her and her brother because they refused to eat at the shelter.
I said I would foster them for 1 month.
They were both the most angelic dogs I have ever met. Sweet, quiet, affectionate, funny little dogs.
It killed me that her brother died of kidney/heart failure after 4 months. I told him I would always take care of her right before he died.
So she stayed.
I picture them together again.
They were dropped off as 'strays' but we suspected it was owner turn in. Sometimes I wonder if the people that dropped them off think of them or worried about them. I know they don't know that they broke my heart and that I loved them so much, and I would tell the people they must have raised those dogs with love because they were the sweetest dogs I ever met.
As a volunteer I know I will be able to engage with the dogs in the meantime, and when the time is right another very special dog might pick me.
I was thinking that doing a painting or charcoal drawing might help.
Thanks again for the valuable advice
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DogMom_33
Sounds like you gave them a wonderful home. Now she is reunited with her brother <3

I wonder about the 'first life' of both of our dogs too. I got my Cody when he was five months. He was being fostered, which I think really helped with his socialization. But before that they told me that he had been abandoned with his litter. He was so sweet and wonderful. I've always wondered who would do such a thing.

Our other dog (who's still with us) was five when we got him at the shelter. They said he was a stray, but we suspected owner surrender as well, because he was housebroken and knew some commands. He was however really fearful and it took a long time to gain his trust. He would sleep so lightly and if you brushed him while he was sleeping he would wake up growling. He also wouldn't let us clip his nails or clean his ears. I wonder if he was abused. He's 11 now and has come a long way. I think the influence of Cody's sweet personality helped him too.

I love the idea of the paint or charcoal drawing. You should share it with the group when it's complete :-)
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snakenole
I'm so sorry about your experience. 

I will tell you that I had two dogs that had brain tumors. The first one had similar symptoms to yours when we found out. And once he was diagnosed, he only lived for another 3 weeks and they were not great weeks. We did the MRI to find out it was a brain tumor but there was not much they could do except to try to make him comfortable. That was our little Champ.

The second time was Leo, who I lost last October. He had only one symptom, one time--a seizure in the middle of the night. After numerous tests and a diagnosis of brain tumor we found out all we could do was try to control the seizures (which we did with Phenobarbital) and use Prednisone to help shrink the tissue around the tumor. That gave him nearly 6 months. But he was in much better shape than Champ and it sounds like in much better shape than your girl too.

From my experience, I would say you absolutely did the right thing. They can go for a while with a slowly-growing brain tumor but once they reach a certain size it gets really tricky. Radiation can help and sometimes surgery but at her age they would probably not even recommend that. And she could have been like Leo--he also had lesions in his lungs which is why they could not recommend radiation.


Take care and do not beat yourself up. You did the right thing for her. 

Mike
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LovesLC
Snakenole-Thank you for sharing your experience, it really helps.
I have never had a dog with a brain tumor, and at the emergency vet the information was coming so fast and I was stressed out...and you are left wondering if the vet said she would be fine? Or that she would suffer? It is good to have a clearer picture now of what we were up against.
I'm sorry you had to go through it with your dogs.
I am reminded of several years ago, my little Pit Bull got Cancer at the age of 15. I got it in my head that we were going to do the chemo treatments and that she would not only recover, but look like she did when she was a young dog.
I took her to a Specialist, got Chemo for her and dragged out that poor dogs life. For what? She died at home while I was at work. She did not recover at all, she looked worse than ever.
I still think about how I made her suffer longer for me.
In the moment it is easy to forget things like that.
DogMom_33- your dogs sound like a combination of both of my boys, ha ha...
One is fearful and growls and bites. I took him because I couldn't stand to think of him being put to sleep at the shelter for biting.
The other has all but been blacklisted from the local vets. They can't touch his nails, give him shots, listen to his heart, look at his teeth...they pretty much told me not to bring him back conscious. The boys have issues, lol...
Which is probably why I adored my sweet, well behaved trouble-free girl so much!
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