PumpkinPie21
It’s been just over a month since I lost my pumpkin. Since pumpkin left I’ve been missing and needing affection from a cat since our cat Pam doesn’t really pay us much attention. I thought I was ready for another cat to join the family so I ended up adopting a cat this weekend. I was adamant that I wanted a cat that looked similar to pumpkin because all my life I’ve had red/orange male tabbies and that’s my preference. I was really excited to bring him home, he is super sweet and affectionate. The cat (temporarily named Pippen, not confirmed yet!) has been with us for 3 nights and I am thinking it was too soon. I want this to work out so badly and I want to give him the same amount of love I gave to pumpkin but something in me feels guilty and almost resentful towards our new cat. Since we brought him home I have been crying a lot again and all of my sad thoughts about pumpkin have been pouring back in. I don’t think it’s bc he looks like him i think it’s more so that he doesn’t act like him really. I know I shouldn’t be comparing them but it’s hard not to. Our other cat and pumpkin were the best of friends and she has no interest in the new cat. I know it’s only been 3 days but she’s also part of the reason we got another cat. We thought she was lonely but I think we were wrong there,
she seems irritated by him.

Has anyone experienced this with a new cat/pet and does it go away with time? I need to be certain that I can give him the love he deserves or I have to attempt to consider asking the foster mom to take him back, she was aware of my situation and would be happy to have him back if it came down to it. Still... the thought of doing that to him makes me sick to my stomach since this was such a selfish decision on my part and he may have to suffer because of it. I can’t keep him if I feel this way forever, that would be worse... right?
I’m hoping someone has experienced this and can give me some hope for the future?

Thank you so much all.
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Chenillecat
I know exactly how you feel, because I missed the love and affection of my Baby I adopted another kitten four months after my precious Matski went to the Rainbow bridge. She is totally different, Matski was a seal point Siamese and very loving, she was 14 and spent most of her time sleeping, Wren is a calico and still a kitten with a lot of energy. February 27 is the first anniversary of my Baby being gone and I find the closer it gets the more I am resenting Wren. I find myself thinking Matski never did that or Matski was always there for me and wishing my precious Baby was here.

I take care of Wren and hope to feel something for her but I find I really don't care about anything. I know I can give her a good home but I just want my Baby.  
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ForMitookie_03
When my Siamese Mitookie passed away I wanted to fill the empty space so badly. I have two other cats that are not siamese, and neither as affectionate as Mitookie was. I know that eventually I will get another Siamese but I remind myself all the time that there is no guarantee he will be just like Mitookie, simply because he will be the same breed.
I am so sorry your new kitty has brought feelings of sadness and longing. As far as your other cat, I think her annoyance has everything to do with the fact that cats are independent and don’t welcome other cats with open arms. They have to be introduced slowly. I think they are much less accepting than dogs. It is never easy to introduce a new cat.
Be kind to yourself. If you truly believe you would be doing this new cat a disservice then, before more time goes by, I would return him and allow him the opportunity to flourish. If you think these feelings are temporary then give him a chance. I’m sure he is grateful for you and the care you provide to him. If you decide to return him, maybe ask the Foster to let you know when he has found a new home so you can feel more at peace with your decision. This is just my 2 cents. I know you will know in your heart what to do.

Chenillecat, your Matski looks just like my Mitookie. Such a beautiful kitty and a beautiful name.

Take care and I hope I helped a little and didn’t muddy the waters more.

Marina
Marina ~ Mitookie's Mom
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PumpkinPie21
Chenillecat wrote:
I know exactly how you feel, because I missed the love and affection of my Baby I adopted another kitten four months after my precious Matski went to the Rainbow bridge. She is totally different, Matski was a seal point Siamese and very loving, she was 14 and spent most of her time sleeping, Wren is a calico and still a kitten with a lot of energy. February 27 is the first anniversary of my Baby being gone and I find the closer it gets the more I am resenting Wren. I find myself thinking Matski never did that or Matski was always there for me and wishing my precious Baby was here.

I take care of Wren and hope to feel something for her but I find I really don't care about anything. I know I can give her a good home but I just want my Baby.  



Thank you for confirming that I am not alone with my feelings. Pumpkin was also 14 :(  
I sincerely hope that you and Wren are able to start forming a unique bond like you were able to with Matski. I've been told that it is possible, especially if you have the right mindset.   

I definitely did not do the prep work to get my mind right before adopting a new cat. I was selfish and naive and I feel like such a horrible person. I did reach out to the foster mom and let her know my concerns with my emotions and I asked her to give me until Sunday to decide. It will be exactly a week that we had him, which I know isn't enough time to even begin forming a bond but as of right now I feel that my heart is not ready to give him the love he deserves.  His foster mom still has his 3 siblings and she loved him so much so I know he will be happy there, maybe even happier there than he would be here.  

 
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PumpkinPie21
ForMitookie_03 wrote:
When my Siamese Mitookie passed away I wanted to fill the empty space so badly. I have two other cats that are not siamese, and neither as affectionate as Mitookie was. I know that eventually I will get another Siamese but I remind myself all the time that there is no guarantee he will be just like Mitookie, simply because he will be the same breed. I am so sorry your new kitty has brought feelings of sadness and longing. As far as your other cat, I think her annoyance has everything to do with the fact that cats are independent and don’t welcome other cats with open arms. They have to be introduced slowly. I think they are much less accepting than dogs. It is never easy to introduce a new cat. Be kind to yourself. If you truly believe you would be doing this new cat a disservice then, before more time goes by, I would return him and allow him the opportunity to flourish. If you think these feelings are temporary then give him a chance. I’m sure he is grateful for you and the care you provide to him. If you decide to return him, maybe ask the Foster to let you know when he has found a new home so you can feel more at peace with your decision. This is just my 2 cents. I know you will know in your heart what to do. Chenillecat, your Matski looks just like my Mitookie. Such a beautiful kitty and a beautiful name. Take care and I hope I helped a little and didn’t muddy the waters more. Marina


Marina- thank you so much for your advice. Your response was the reason I decided to let the foster mom know how I really feel. I really do feel like I would be doing a disservice to the new cat if I kept him. He deserves more than just being cared for, he deserves the same unconditional love that I was able to give to Pumpkin but I just don't have it in me yet.  I never thought I would be able to give up on a pet, but that just proves to me that this is necessary and for his best interest as well as mine.  

I need to continue to heal and grieve pumpkin. If I ever decide that I am ready for another cat I will be less impulsive and selfish..  I am really disappointed in myself, I should have known better.  


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catiebee
Hope you won't blame yourself. Eleven years ago I jumped the gun a bit trying to get a new dog and I just purely wasn't ready. Was still grieving my previous pet too hard and I had to completely backtrack. About six weeks after that little mistake I was very ready to give a new pup love. We all have a different time table and all we can do is try to listen to our hearts. 

Kudos on being so honest with yourself! You didn't know until you knew. I think you're doing well in finding your way.

And I'm sooo sorry for your loss of Pumpkin!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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