Solitaire
How do you cope with multiple losses? My mom passed away last autumn, and I'm still mourning her death.  To try and find something positive to focus on I had a litter of kittens from one of my Persians (I have a very small cattery, and haven't had kittens since 2017). I was happy when she delivered all 5 babies without any problem. Then one kitten died after one week, the next one after 16 days. I did everything I could to save them, to no avail. Ten days after the second kitten had died my favourite, darling cat Alice (the cat in the avatar) died. She was 8 years old and had a lot of health problems, so it wasn't unexpected, but the timing wasn't optimal, to say the least. I was heartbroken, but worse was to come. Four days after Alice's death, a third kitten died. This kitten was already 4 weeks of age, extremely pretty, and hadn't shown any signs of illness before becoming suddenly very ill. I rushed her to the animal hospital in the middle of the night, but she died in the car. Since then (two weeks ago) I have been in a state of shock. I'm terrified that the remaining two kittens will die too. I watch them all the time, and can't sleep at night because I'm thinking they will become ill and die. They seem fine, but so did their sister. Because of the situation with the kittens, I can't mourn Alice, I'm exhausted and can't do anything really. I'm tired and empty of feelings, just tired of life and wondering why God (if he even exists) is doing this to me. Yes, I know many other people are hurting and worse than me, but this last blow was just too much. I don't know what to do, and I have zero support from my husband. Sorry for the rant. 
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Memories_of_Marmalade
Dear Solitaire,

I am so sorry to learn of your recrnt losses. That is a lot to deal with, one death after another and must be so daunting.

I also experienced the loss of a kitten that I found here behind my office building in a boat salvage yard. I heard it crying and thought it was a baby. It had been born ( a litter of one) in the berth of a speedboat which had come over from Hawaii so I named the kitten "Kona." A little black long-haired cat. It seemed like it would be okay. It was so affectionate and even purred, although it was so tiny. It died from either exposure (prior to my finding it) of "fading kitten syndrome." Which I had never heard of before. I'm not sure which. But it was painful to get to know the kitten and then watch it expire. BUT I am glad I got to it in time to feed it, give it some milk and show it some affection and comfort before it passed and for it to know that it was not alone. That matters.

I am glad you showed those kittens and your cat love and affection during their lives. All cats should be so fortunate and blessed.

Before I put my cat "Marmalade" to sleep I used to thank God for the time that he and I were allotted each day. The truth is any of us could go at any time. We are all vulnerable and life and time is fleeting. Life is precious. It is not a permanent state. We are all walking miracles. Our eyes to see with. Our brains to think with. Our voices to speak with. Our hands to touch with. To be able to breath. These things are God. Love is God. Life is God. Not death.

The truth is we are all but "shadows and dust." Each of us. We may be next. All we can do is to live in the moment. Celebrate every single moment of love that we get to experience with those we love. My "Marmalade" taught me this. To be grateful. To live in the moment. To always feel blessed. To acknowledge the moments as they occur. No matter what is being faced or endured.

I am glad you shared your love, kindness, empathy, compassion and care with all of those you have loved and been loved by in return.  The cat you lost and the kittens you have lost all got to experience the above with you before they departed. So did your Mom. That matters.

Kind regards & my sincerest condolences,
Jame
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Kimberly_H
I have had a similar experience with losses. I lost my mom, aunt, best friend and my 12 year old pug all last year and just lost my 4 year old bulldog on Friday. It’s so hard to grieve because you don’t even know where to start. My dogs helped me so much with the grief and to lose them too is just heartbreaking. I don’t have a simple solution. I don’t think there is one. I just keep going and take it day by day. I try and mourn for each loss in its own time and give each their own attention. Some days I just have to take 10 minutes and allow myself to cry over my mom or aunt and just let that be my grief for the day. If I stay down too long I feel I may not get back up. Keep moving, clean the house, organize, go for a walk. Do things your mom enjoyed such as cooking or gardening that way your mind stays busy but you are still honoring her. My condolences on the loss of your mom. There is no pain like it and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. 
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JulieF
Solitaire - I am so sorry for all of your losses, especially your Mom.  Please know we are all here for you.  Just try to take it one day at a time and Kimberly is right - try to stay busy and take care of your babies who are remaining.  Don't blame yourself for the other kittens - i am certain you took great care of them.  I lost my boy Patch who was 19, 5 weeks ago from kidney failure.  I miss him every day.  

Bless you and hugs to you.
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Solitaire

Memories_of_Marmalade:

Thank you for your kind words. I wish I could live in the moment, and feel blessed, but I don't. Every day is a struggle, there is no joy of any sort. I can only hope that with time it will become easier to breathe. I'm sorry for your loss of Marmalade, and for the small kitten you found. Thanks for helping the little kitten, and giving it love. 

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Solitaire

Kimberly_H:

I'm so very sorry for your losses. The way you handle them is similar to what I'm trying to do, one day at a time, just trying to go through the daily routines. Keep moving forward. And you're right, to lose mom is incredibly painful. Just the other day I met a woman and her old mother, who was 91 years of age and still bright and living in her own apartment. I couldn't help feeling envious; how lucky that woman is to still have her mom in life! I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your bulldog. It's always especially hard when they are that young. Take care xx. 

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Solitaire

JulieF:

Thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry for your loss of Patches. He had a long and wonderful life together with you, and I understand how painful it must be for you now when he has left for another world. Take care xx. 

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BorderCollieLover
Solitaire:
My heartfelt condolences on your losses. Yes, they are tough and it is true that life is not fair.  I've had my own multiple losses during the past (8) months and it hasn't been easy. Kimberly and Julie gave some good advice. I would add that reaching out to others (family, friends, co-workers, neighbors that you are close to, etc.) during this stressful time might be something to consider. Just plain, old talk therapy with someone who you like and respect (and feel comfortable with) can work wonders. I am not a religious person, so I didn't pursue talking with a clergyman but, perhaps, it may be something to keep in mind. A good listener is like finding a pot of gold. So many good talkers in the world but very few people with attentive ears. If you do have someone who has the fine art of listening down to a science, you may want to contact that person(s). I'm recommending this path because it's the one I used to deal with all the painful loses I've had and it did work. Reaching out to people can be difficult - almost daunting - but the effort may pay dividends in the end. I wish you much success as you navigate your healing journey. Let us know how you are doing.

Warmest regards,
Jim
Jim Miller
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Solitaire

Jim:

Thanks a lot for your kind words. Yes, you're right, it helps to talk with people. It also helps to post on forums like this, and "talk" with strangers. All the best. 

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codysmum102
Solitaire,
I know how you feel. This year has been extremely painful for me as well. In January my precious baby Cody (in the avatar) passed along with my mother-in-law. My parents passed in 2008 and 2011 so she was the only "parent" I had left. Then my cousin passed of a stroke, our guinea pig, Vinnie died in April and my brother-in-law, David has terminal cancer and is now in hospice, plus of course, the icing on the cake are the COVID restrictions with everything shut down.  

I'm with you feeling like everytime I try to get up I get knocked down again.  Posting and reading on the forum has helped a great deal. Just being able to share your feelings with people who are in the same boat is a comfort. Sometimes it helps just to go in your room and cry it out. Do whatever you have to do to keep it together. I'm here posting right now because I was crying thinking about how today is exactly four months since I lost my boy and yesterday was my first mother's day without him.  Grief is a very hard road to travel just know that you're not alone.
Julie 💔
"Grief only exists where love lived first."
--Franchesca Cox
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Solitaire

Dear Julie, codysmum102:

I'm so sorry for your losses. It's a big comfort knowing I'm not alone. As you say, the coronavirus crisis isn't making things exactly easier. It goes up and down for me. Yesterday I read about an 8-year old boy with multiple congenital health problems (he looked perfectly normal, a very pretty little boy). He had to undergo surgery not once but about ten times each year, and his mother was always with him. She suddenly got a severe headache, but didn't think much about it, thought it was because of all stress. It turned out to be a fast growing brain tumor. She had surgery, and now needs 15 radiation therapy sessions. Yet she remained positive and tried to look forward to the future. When I read that I realized my situation isn't the worst in the world. I already knew that, but this made me see it more clearly and I can sense a small light perhaps, at the end of the dark tunnel. I must go on, for my old father's sake, and for my daughters' sake. Thanks for your support <3 

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mrcatsam
Solitaire,

I just read your first post and I am so, so sorry for your losses. I'm also sorry for the lack of support you've received from those closest to you. However, it is a bittersweet gift that you found this forum. Take time to exercice and remain active outside, as that will help your mood, but also take time to cry and let your feelings run around the room. 

I think the others are correct in saying that you are not alone here. 

Love,
Samuel
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Kimberly_H
Solitaire, 

Do not feel guilty for feeling envious of others who still have their mom or a big family support. I feel like that all the time. I‘m in my early 30’s and don't have much family left. My pets are my family.  I spend a lot of holidays alone. Mother’s Day is one of my hardest. I try to stay off social media for a few days around holidays to avoid those happy smiling faces of those who still have a mom. Friends who haven’t lost a parent don’t understand. Be patient with yourself and others. One day they too will experience that pain and you’ll have the wisdom to walk beside them. Do not blame yourself for your feelings. There is no light without darkness and no love without loss. Your grief is just just a manifestation of your eternal bond to your mother and to your sweet animals you have given everything you have within you; your love. 
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BoxerMomForever
solitaire,  I am so sorry.  That is a lot you have gone through.  Too much in fact.  This site has been a tremendous help for me. Three months after my Lily passed my close Aunt passed.  So I understand.....
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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Solitaire

@mrcatsam@Kimberly_H@BoxerMomForever

Thank you all for your kind words. I feel a little better already. Small steps, but I'm glad if I can get through the days doing the daily routines. This site is a great help. 

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