It's been a tough few months so I'll start with the beginning of it, I think it will help me by sharing my own personal story with you all. I'm feeling so many different things right now that I still feel like I'm in a confused daze.

I had a English mastiff female named Nina, around 178 pounds.

A few months ago she hurt her leg, they believed it was a torn ACL. I still have no idea how that actually happened as that all started when she came back from the vets after a nail grinding (why they didn't lay her down to do the nail grinding, I will never know, please always lay large breeds down for nail grinding people), she was 9 years old and the chances of her withstanding surgery from what I've been told was extremely low. Nina couldn't go up or down stairs after that, even shallow stairs designed for seniors. Only thing I could think of was to create a bed in our garage for her, because she could get outside to go to the bathroom easily from there. The idea behind it was to give her a chance to heal it off. I ended up buying a tent and started sleeping in the garage with the dog. After about a week of that I ditched the tent and started sleeping with the dog in her own bed that I had made. She made progress and I did that for about 2 months straight until she was fully healed. Yes, I actually slept in a garage for 2 months.

The vet had stated that in most cases the other leg might stop working correctly due to the compensation being made from the bad leg. We were extremely careful and only had her outside for literally minutes at a time before she was back in the garage resting again.

When her limp was gone we brought her back into the house. Getting up those extremely low stairs weren't an issue anymore. She would hesitate going down them frequently, but she had no visible issues actually going down the stairs. I thought everything was relatively back to normal after that.

Only after a few days when she was back in the house I noticed that her back legs were shaking badly when going to the bathroom. I also noticed after a couple days that when she was standing completely still, her back legs would slowly start to bend, as if she was sitting down in slow motion. She would catch herself then straighten back up, then it would start again right after that. After only a day or two of witnessing this her sitting and standing also became a real struggle. She started sit-falling randomly a few times as well. Like she knew she was going down so she would sit unexpectedly.

It was tough seeing that after what I had just went through with her. She could still walk with what I thought looked like normal posture for a dog, but you could clearly see her back legs starting to fail. This, all within the time period of two months.

I took a vacation on the 4th of this month, which is the start of the 3rd month after all of this happening. Made the call to the vets on the 5th of this month, that was not an easy call to make, could barely get words out.

Gave her premium roast beef every single day instead of her blue buffalo large breed senior dog food until the 10th, which was her final day. I brought her back to her favorite park twice during this time while she was on heavy joint meds. Gave her a lot of raw cow bones which was her favorite treat, and generally spent every second of my time that I had with her that last week.

At the vets on the 10th it was surreal. I couldn't believe what was happening in such a short period of time as the dog was perfectly fine only a few months ago. I broke down in the room before the vet even entered, we had other family there. Broke down several times since then. She was in decent shape at 9 years for a mastiff. The whole thing just happened so fast that I'm still not really comprehending the gravity of what just happened. I made plans to have her cremated the next day (yesterday) and saw her one last time before she was cremated. We do have her ashes.

I feel extremely guilty that I scheduled all of this so soon, almost felt like a betrayal in a way even scheduling anything. I feel anger at myself, and yet I'm relieved that she isn't suffering anymore, at the same time I'm just devastated that I'm not going to be able to see my Nina again. I just don't feel like I've had proper closure yet. I don't understand if it was old age that suddenly caught up with her that fast, because she is a large breed mastiff that was turning 10 this year, or if it was as the vet had explained, that the other leg might start having issues. I'm just confused by the whole thing. Nobody made a speech, there wasn't a funeral as I'm having her ashes buried with me when I end up going, I just feel like everything happened way too fast. I don't fully comprehend what just happened to my dog.
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I feel for you so much.  I understand how hard this was. When it comes so sudden it makes it so much harder. 
My girl was sudden as well. She was fine one week, and then suddenly the next week she couldn't walk, couldn't eat, could barely keep her balance when she went to the bathroom. She was 9 as well. Luckly she was 70 pounds, so my husband was able to carry her in and out of the house when she needed it.

What love you showed your girl.  How much sweet devotion and commitment you gave her. 

Thank you for sharing your story.  And sharing your story will help. I promise.  I've been using this site to share my feelings.  It slowly gets better.  But I know it will always hurt.

You are amazing.  Honestly, to see someone do so much for their baby warms my heart so much.  It's heartbreaking that these beautiful souls are taken from us too soon.  
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My heart absolutely breaks for you, I am so sorry for your loss. What you did to get your girl Nina healed is amazing, shows how much you love and care for her.

One day I got home and my Max (Shih-Tzu mix) was dragging one of his back legs. Medications, carrying him outside to do his business, I did everything I could to save my baby. That was on June 1 2018, he died on June 13, he was only 8 yrs old. The pain is unbelievable and like no other I have ever experienced, they are certainly taken from us too soon. 

During the first couple of days it's difficult to even wrap your mind around what just happened. You just cannot believe they are really gone. The first couple of weeks are the absolute worst, no appetite, poor sleep if any, and your brain is pretty much in a fog and nothing really makes any sense. Writing on this forum is what has helped me get through the worst of it. Please continue to post about your girl Nina, and know that everyone here understands what you are going through.
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