Titans_mother
Monday, January 25th I had to let my baby go. He was rescued by me only the previous year on April 24th. When I adopted him I knew he already had mast cell tumors which I had taken care of and recovery was long but worth it. Then came the food allergies and the signs of nerurological issues. Less than a month before his passing he had issues with short periods of aggression which was first diagnosed as a-typical seizures and medication was prescribed. At first they seemed to help and then all at once the symptoms came back and then he was restless and had moments of not being able to recognize his home or even me. Then he was diagnosed with CCD and a supplement was suggested to be given to slow down the progression, but then came the worst news. They believed he had cancer of the blood vessels and wanted to put him though everything all over again, and probably end up having him in chemo treatment because it was spreading internally. After many days of thought and seeing my baby go downhill mentally, the hard decision was made that it was best to let my baby go. He had been brave and strong for a year with all of his issues for me and being 10 years of age, I had to let him be at peace. Now he is no longer suffering and having issues with remembering who his mom is. I can't help but feel lost without my baby beside me when I am in bed. His toys are my only comfort to hold onto right now. His food and water dish are still filled because I cannot get myself to empty them. Sleep is not coming to me and I am completely lost and alone. I feel like I will never be able to fill the space he held in my heart. All I can do is cry or distract myself with work, which is no longer helping much. I have no idea what to do anymore.
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hectormoses
I'm so sorry, Titans mother.  I just lost my beloved Doberman two days ago, and I'm raw.  You need to allow yourself to cry and grieve all that you need to, and don't let anyone tell you to get over it or that he was "just a pet."  I know, deep down, that I'll eventually be able to smile, laugh, and feel joy again, but today is not that day.  You, too, will eventually feel some relief, but in the meantime, there are so many of us who understand exactly what you're going through and feel your pain.  Again, I'm so sorry.
Amanda
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Titans_mother
Thank you Amanda for that.  Some people tell me that I just need to get over it but to me he was my child.  I am terribly sorry to hear about your baby as well.  For now crying helps us both but sometime it will get easier for us.
Natasha.
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camunki
So sorry for the loss of your baby, and mast cell tumors suck, I had one removed from my Daizy at the age of 7 y/o and it came back full force 2 years later when she was 9 y/o... within a 6 week period and invaded her liver and internal organs, the vet said chemo will not help or buy much time at all, so i had to put my baby to sleep. Hardest part was on her last day, going into the 24 hour vet where they were watching her, Daizy came running out, tail wagging, filling me with kisses, and I was supposed to put this girl down?...that was the worst and hardest 1 hour and 45 minutes that i spent my last time with this girl. 4 vets kept telling me that the cancer is invading her liver, in her bloodstream, Daizy did not eat for days and was regurgitating and lost alot of weight...........its hard to see this from the outside, when Daizy "seemed" happy with her tail and running to me, i could not be selfish though, i had to do the worst.


Hold onto your babys water dish and food for as long as you like. I still have my babies empty bowls on the counters and water bowl still on the floor in the same place and I am going on 8 weeks (Unfortuneatly, I lost my other dog Munki 11 months after losing Daizy, so I took a hard hit with losing my babies in such a close period of time (even though they were 4 years apart in age) ).


 Take things minute by minute, hour by hour and know you are not alone on this path we call grieving.

Cam


Cam


 
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JerseyNonna
Natasha, so sorry to hear you lost titan and I can appreciate how you are feeling.  Saturday will be week 5 from roxie's passing and although I do have some good days now when I can remember her and smile and thank her for being my service dog for as long as I was granted...omg the bad days almost seem as if they are worse.  have just had a few bad ones and well...today isn't shaping up all that great either.  like your titan who must have seen you as being sent from heaven to take him home with his mast cell tumors, roxie left this world much too soon as well and all I know is her heart stopped due to fluid in her chest - wish I knew what caused it but that will never change the fact she is not here with me anymore. 

hon, you are still within that first week and if anyone had told me i'd be semi-functioning now i'd never would have believed them.  your grief is still that raw open wound where your heart is and we all know that feeling so very well.  in the end what you offered titan was everlasting freedom from the pain his earthly body had his soul trapped in; you gave him that final act of love any human could offer their dear fur-baby...release to a place full of peace, plenty of food, health and youth again; a place where they romp and play until each one of us crosses across that same bridge to see them again; to have them run at us and shower us with all the kisses they know we've missed (and yes, i'm crying writing this) and we will never ever be separated again.  you have found the right place where we all have the same feelings and emotions as the result of missing that one soul in this life that made us feel loved, safe, and simply able to live.  many many hugs and prayers to you!  always remember if you have a bad day...we are all here for each other.
JerseyNonna
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hectormoses
I'm sorry for all of y'all (obviously, I'm from the south.)  However, from my own perspective, these chats are helpful.  It's comforting to know that I'm not alone in feeling like my heart's been ripped out.  Thank you so much for sharing.
Amanda
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Titans_mother
Hearing everyones stories makes me remember that I am not alone and that there are people out there just like me.  I feel horrible for everyone who has lost their babies too soon or had to make the same hard decision that I did.  I hope that in the coming weeks I am able to be as strong as you all are.
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LUCYLULU
Natasha:  I am so sorry to read about your monstrous pain and the loss of Titan.  After losing Lucy 11/10/15, I can tell you that the first days, weeks after she went to sleep were horrible, unbearable. Feels exactly as you describe, 'completely lost and alone.' Time helps some. Later on-- you will be able to breathe, sleep, eat & drink again...just not so much right now. Be kind to yourself. Know that the deep pain inside your body, hollow & empty despondency,  disinterest in anyone or anything, anger, blame, guilt, sick feeling that overwhelms your every fibre all relate to the fact that you shared a true love with your soulmate Titan. 

You have found this place/forum where everyone is hurting, healing (or trying to),  and really understands how hard this is. We all 'get it'. All I can say is that I hope you keep talking to Titan...watch for signs that he is around you and continue to feel the love of your best bud.  Hugs,KC
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Ripley14
I just wrote a nice little dissertation to you on chat and when I hit enter it said you had just left and that my message will not be delivered. Crap! I'll see if I can do it over: It was always such a comfort to have Ripley sleeping on my pillow. I didn't care if it did give me kink in the neck! When Ripley fell asleep she would start snoring. I loved it! I would fall sleep every night listening to her snoring with one hand on her back or belly. So I understand how awful it feels to look at Titan's pillow and his head does not pop up anymore. I can see a little foot print and a nose print on her pillow and it just makes me burst into tears. Now I have the pillowcase and a picture. I am so very sorry for your loss. You are only 4 days into this new journey so you must still be in shock. I am almost 8 weeks without Ripley and still feeling the pain. Now I can hold back tears when around other people, but if I'm alone it's a different story. They are our hearts and souls and they gave us unconditional love ... there is no need to rush your grieving. Take care.
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