carmenc45 Show full post »
carmenc45
Thank you Hadel. I still miss him and sad about his death . I am going to therapy to deal with his death . I am struggling. I wish he was still alive. It is terrible. He was suffering . I would do anything to see him again.  I have many changes in my life and not coping well.  I am happy he went peacefully.  I don't even know if he knew my mom and I loved him.   It still hurts. 
Carmen C Moore.
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Freddyboy
Hi Carmen
Don't put  a time limit on when to feel better its different for all, there will come a time when the pain eases, and remember there will always be people here on this forum willing  to listen, sometimes keeping a diary can help.

 
clivewalker
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carmenc45
I am sorry but for some reason I can't reply to your posts directly . Thank you all for your support ! I know my grief will take time . I will always love Louie ❤ I hope in time to move forward from his death . I am journaling and working out . I will just pray for God's guidance .
Hugs Carmen
Carmen C Moore.
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BrianR
My sincere condolences for anyone mourning the loss of a pet. It’s a heartbreaking thing to go through. I personally lost my baby girl, Ozzy, to a tragic accident. I’ll spare you the details, but the entire experience in the weeks following the accident, I had issues dealing with closure, guilt, and a glaring void. I did not get a chance to say goodbye or to even know that something was wrong until I found her. I dwelled on the things I should have done to prevent the accident in the first place. I missed her and all of her quirks terribly.

In my short time volunteering in our live chat room, I’ve observed many folks asking for specific tips for dealing with such strong emotions and “getting through” the grief as gracefully as possible. Below is a collection of activities that have worked for others. Before I begin, I absolutely agree that there are many variations on how people deal with grief. However, if you were like me and had no clue where to start, the following suggestions may help you explore your path to staying afloat during such a depressing time.

1. Speak to others that have experienced pet loss and can empathize. Surround yourself with people who authentically care. Our chat service is typically moderated from 8:00 PM to Midnight. Here is the link. http://host7.parachat.com/pchat/applet/if.php?site=31769&room=PetLoss&width=700&height=500

2. Have a strategy for responding to your emotions. Remember “BARK” (see link for explanation) to help you process grief, whenever/wherever you are. This link is an excellent resource for stepping outside yourself to mindfully deal with grief.


3. Get an urn. It is a difficult time and this is probably the last thing you want to think about. In a time where you may still be awaiting the return of cremains, this can feel like dreadful finality. Having acknowledged that, finding an urn that adequately represents your companion as well as possible shipping/handling takes time. Even if you are not cremating or if the crematory supplies a beautiful urn, you may want a second one for a few favorite toys and keepsakes like tags. Additionally, a keepsake necklace urn can provide comfort by holding a small amount of ash or fur and can be worn close to you at all times. Some places even transform pet fur and ashes into wearable jewelry.

4. Fill visual voids with something pelasant. Battery powered candles can be safely placed in favorite spots that you will likely look at out of habit. It’s helpful to see something pleasant in those spots instead of the all too obvious void. A good set of batteries can easily keep the candle lit for over a week straight, serving as a vigil for your beloved companion.

5. Remember the good. Starting a journal or scrapbook for all of your pets will memorialize the good memories and bring them to the front while pushing behind the one not so good moment. A good template for a journal entry is to try writing about some of your favorite physical and character traits. Next, move on to documenting very specific happy memories of your pet that stand out. Finally, end it with a goodbye note or poem and list some ways they helped you to be better and how you can be better to honor them. There are many inexpensive decorative journals with various designs that can compliment your urn or display that you setup in your pet’s honor.

6. Consider the grieving process of surviving pets. For cats, in particular, a pheromone (feliway) diffuser may help ease their stress.

7. Sponsor the adoption fees for a specific shelter animal in honor of your companion. That animal will be grateful for your generosity and serve as a living tribute to your companion. You can get personal with your choice of pet to adopt if that helps.

8. Volunteer your time to the animal community. It’s easy to feel a void when you suddenly aren’t able to care for a companion thats been part of your routine. Giving time, even virtually by volunteering for this site as a chat or forum moderator, helps to redirect all that love and caring thats building up inside of you. It also connects you with people so you don’t feel so alone.

9. Once you feel that your emotions are stabilizing, learn from mistakes and regrets and move one. Don’t beat yourself up, but also don’t bury and dismiss any feelings of guilt outright. Whether valid or invalid, doing something constructive to address concerns that may be in the back of your mind will ultimately pay off. You can’t change the past but you can possibly improve on possible companionship experiences in the future.

10. Consider whether another adoption is right for you. What would your companion want for you? You may initially be overcome with feelings of guilt and this is natural. Just remember, if you are in a position to adequately care for another animal, that can help you in your grieving process. You are not “replacing” the companion you lost but honoring them by giving and saving another life. There are many other animals that would very much like to help you grieve rather than face the “alternatives” to not being adopted. A good tip is to adopt when being inside of the shelter doesnt make you cry. You may very well cry in the days after, but hold off on adoption until you can be focused on the animal in front of you in that particular moment.

I hope this post gives anyone who is feeling completely lost, some type of roadmap to help cope with the challenging road ahead of them. please feel free to contribute your own ideas and remember...you are not alone.
Brian
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