hebridean
Hello,i lost the reason i lived for 7 weeks ago,i am in such a state.Tiny was my 13 yr old yorkie,he wasnt planned to have but we got him neglected ,hyper,filthy,just left out in a garden all the time near a busy road,the fur covered his eyes,so we bought him !first thing i did when i got him was to let him see.i am really struggling to get up and through the days,he turned out to be the best behaved boy,used to come everywhere with me ,trains ,buses,ferries,into the bank,post office(i live in a village),even out in the truck on work runs with my husband,i have had ill health for many years after a brain tumour and offshoot health problems,one of the worst panic attacks.tiny gave me the love and strength,the inspiration and confidence to go on,he was like a ball of sunshine.from first thing in the morning when i would get my cuddle till he came to bed with me he was there,he was so beautiful,the colours in his head fur you couldnt replicate,i knew he was dying ,the vet said in april his heart murmur was much worse,he was put on medication twice a day,i thought to make the most of the time left and give him everyday as quality time,i did all the things he loved,walks on the beach ,etc,let him rest when he needed,i kept looking at him and trying to accept it but in the long run it didnt help .my arms came out in an itchy heatrash to my elbows(its going now),i managed to get him through til ljuly when he worsened,now he was filling with fluid so put on more meds,i battled this fluid till 6th august when we had to let him go as he was suffering to breathe,this was hard to believe as he would still do his walks as lively.he went in my arms ,i see it over and over,he was cremated and is by my bed with my wee marnie who died 10yrs ago,they will go with me .i have been so ill ,can barely eat,so empty and miss him so much ,i want to close my eyes and fade away,3wks ago ,my birthday ,my husband got me a yorkie pup,i am trying so hard to do the training,never had from a pup before,it is just such a struggle,i can barely turn my back but he is at something he shouldnt,how do you do things?i am following training book ,it was too early to get him but i want to do it right ,i cant write anymore right now .
mandy
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topwatch
I am so sorry for your loss of your friend. There are many people, including myself, that are dealing with the same issues you are dealing with because of having to put your baby down. A constant companion that gives nothing but unconditional love will be hard to deal with and will never be forgotten. They say to remember how your action was an act of love and courage, but that is slight comfort when you were faced with the dilemma of your sick friend. It has been almost 2 weeks for me and I am still dealing with grief, loss and guilt. Was there more that I could do? I read that these are natural feelings but they hurt so much all the same. I have found some comfort in reading this forum and have had some nice and kind comments from some caring people here. I too have my girl's ashes by me in my home and I even got a tattoo that had a symbol for Faith, Hope, and Love with my girl's name and I never thought I would ever have a tattoo. However, I never thought that I could ever love a dog as much as I loved mine. So, please take care, be kind to yourself, and come back and read the forum. It will help.
dennis pruitt
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hebridean
thanks for your reply,i dont do forums,in fact dont do computers,i come to rainbow bridge because of the deep pain i feel,and see others are the same,i dont know how that helps but i know i am not unique with my pain,amongst all my grief i have had to learn that my "close"family i thought i had are not in fact that,my sister and brother didnt respond to my text telling them my darling had gone,they knew what he was to me ,and my mother told me to get a grip,he was a dog,my god,,,,,,was a dog ,no ,he was so much more than that ,how lucky was i to have had such a special spirit,friend,soulmate,no not just a dog.so i wont show my grief to them or talk about him to them due to their attitude,its one of the worst thing to deal with,everyone keeps on going and i dont want to,or is it i dont know how to ,anyway ,just to know others had special friends will understand,thankyou
mandy
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jimmy17
Hi Mandy, I`m so, so sorry for your loss of Tiny - he truly sounds as if he was your "Once in a Lifetime dog ", which so many of us here were lucky  to have had.  But so very hard when we have to let them go - someone here told me that we let them go to take away their pain, but in return WE then take on the pain of their loss, something which I found to be so very true almost 10 months ago when we had to have our special little dog put to sleep.  They are such a huge part of our lives - I`ve never felt such grief and pain losing my dog - much more even than when I`ve lost members of my family.  Seven weeks is still quite new for you, I still have days when I cry and just want him back so much- but I do look back and am just so glad I got to spend so many happy years with him.   Your husband probably thought he was helping you by bringing you a new pup, and in time you will make happy memories with him also - even though you think it was too early in your grief for Tiny to get another little one.   I can imagine how he must be into everything - pups are little bundles of fun and energy for sure !!   I`m certain you`ll be okay, and he`ll soon learn as you are an experienced Yorkie owner.  Take care - it will get better.

                                                                             Hugs, Jackie
J Taylor
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hebridean
hello jackie

thankyou and i know your pain,it was so very hard to make the decision to let Tiny go,i wanted to keep him and tried to do another day etc but as you say you dont want the most precious thing you have to suffer ,the vet said double his meds and have the weekend and i tried but he was having such a hard time the friday night and i lay listening to him really sucking to breathe with the tears running down my face for hours ,at 5am my husband woke and we decided then it was time to let him get peace,so when vet opened arranged a time ,we had 2hours,i defrosted some chicken and made it for him,he loved chicken ,we let him burst a squeaky ball and took him for a beach walk.at the vet ,they ran late and i held him out in the breeze so not to stress and he loved getting a wind straight on him,i always say if we had humans like our dogs they would be very special people,i miss him so awful,the pup is lovely ,i have called him sunny ,he is a handful,a shock to system after my good quiet boy,my whole life has gone and i am trying very hard to get used to this one ,feel like i am struggling upstream,thankyou for your reply .all my best to you 
mandy
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LUCYLULU
Mandy~  I am so very, very sorry to read about your Tiny. The pain, the hollow empty feeling, no desire to eat, sleep isn't much if at all, nothing matters, nothing makes sense. I don't know if you are feeling this way but I remember these things and many more. There were many weeks of being numb-- like a zombie. Tiny knows how much you loved him. As Jackie wrote-- you took away his suffering, his pain because you loved him so much. Now you carry the pain. It sounds like he was your reason to be, your heart & soul and your 'happy'. It's hard to have a bad day or be in a bad mood when our best buds are home waiting to greet us. Their whole world is about loving us. When they're gone, the pain is fierce. I had to make the decision Nov. 10th 2015. Not a day goes by that I don't miss Lucy. I always will. She's part of me forever. 

While it may seem too soon right now, I hope that all things happen as they're supposed to-- especially when it comes to bringing another baby home. Your husband made the decision for your birthday. Maybe there's a reason your Yorkie pup is there with you. After Lucy passed, I vowed to never bring a dog home again. In time, I realized that life will never be the same without Lucy. It also will never be 'ok' without a dog. I brought Daisy Clover home June 26th.  And you're right. Puppies are more 'work' than I remember. Many days I say aloud,' I think I'm too old for this'. And then I look @ my girl. She looks at me with her loving eyes. I almost cry. Love her so much. I believe my Lucy guided me to her. Maybe that's true for your new Yorkie-- Tiny helped guide your husband.

What is the new pup's name? I wonder if you might try & give it a little more time. It is hard. Wicked hard. I asked for signs from Lucy. I still get them sometimes. They always help. So I will hope that you get signs or moments when you know-- you just know that Tiny is sending you his love. It's a bond that is too strong to ever end-- even as he is over the Rainbow Bridge healthy & playing. He is with you always :-) Hugs & healing, Kasey

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hebridean
hello kasey

thankyou for your reply,yes all these feelings ,just totally lost and upside down at once,my life gone forever,the 2 days after he left i took off to our caravan and it just torrented rain day and night and cried with me,i cried solid the first three and half weeks ,couldnt take anything but milk as couldnt eat,my IBS is out of control,still trying to get well,I have lost my self confidence,been getting my panic attacks .Tiny was such a beautiful,loving devoted soul,i know we did the right thing but i so much want him back,I called the pup sunny,i am a good age and am a bit too old to train a pup a first time on top of all this  but i have struggled in the past with a prem baby with cerebral palsy ,then my brain tumour ,and i do and always did ,i do my level best but this hard,its a nightmare right now ,i get up and take it a half hour a time,sometimes crying for my darling beautiful boy.sunny is a handful .Do yo know he was born the 5th july ,Tiny went 6th august.thankyou for your reply and i wish you love and healing too.i would put a picture up of my beautiful blond boy but dont know how .
mandy
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jimmy17
Hi Mandy, you`ve had such a tough time, and our dogs really do help us through so much.  I love the name Sunny - when we adopted Jim from the rescue centre all those years ago, his full name was Sunny Jim which got shortened to Jimmy, then Jim - but we always used to say that he was our sunshine on a rainy day.  I know only too well what that longing for them feels like - you feel like you`d do anything to have just one more day with them.  I`m sure Tiny is looking down and wishing you so much luck with little Sunny, even though he is a bit of a handful right now. Pups can be so exhausting - but they soon grow and he`ll be your devoted little friend for many years. 
                                                                         Jackie






J Taylor
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