wendywoo
I had two dogs called Zippy and Button. Zippy was a handsome Parson Russell Terrier and was my first dog - he was so easy, such a good boy. Two years later we got a new pup - Button - a jack russell. They went so well together, so bonded, life was perfect. And then, aged 4, Zippy was diagnosed with chronic kidney failure, out of the blue, and two weeks later I had to set him free. That was 2008. My heart was broken, as was Button's. He changed overnight and was never the same. 
Within a week of Zippy's death Jake came into our lives. Not planned, but meant to be. He came from the same breeder. I was still grieving and love took time although I adored his cute puppiness, such a cheeky boy. I had my two boys again. Life was happier again, slowly, and then aged 2 Jake was diagnosed with a devastating genetic condition called Late Onset Ataxia. This is where cells in the cerebellum die off and is progressive, gradually affecting a dog's balance, gait and ability to move easily. There was no 'time' given but we knew he would not iive to be an old dog as we had hoped. 
So we tried to live in the day with him, but slowly his condition affected him. We would make adjustments when needed. He couldn't climb up and down steps so we carried him. We put mats down on tiled floors as he would slip on them. We kept grass short so he could walk on it easily.
When you live with a condition like this it is a slow progression and then suddenly you realise that things have gone downhill. I can't look back now and remember when he stopped being able to stand on his back legs with paws up, or when he started weaving badly on walks. I was just aware that he had to be carried around a lot and when asleep next to me on the settee it was easy to forget he had problems. Throughout he remained a happy dog, he would fall over and then just get back up.
Last summer Button went for a dental procedure and as part of that he had blood tests which revealed he had chronic liver failure and 'it was a matter of time'.
At Christmas 2015 I realised both dogs were deteriorating. Button's liver condition was making him feel ill and miserable and we released him from his pain on 6th January 2016. I grieved for him but in a way I had to put the grief aside as I had to care for Jake, knowing with him, too, that time was short. Early May I realised life was becoming a real struggle for him. He couldn't toilet without help, he wasn't keen even to walk around the garden, his 'walks' were a few steps and then a carry, repeated. I felt he wasn't the happy dog he had always been. We made the decision, but had a week of knowing the end was coming, which was the most bittersweet hell, trying to soak up everything about him, but knowing each morning, each evening, each bedtime that it was one less with him. He was freed of his struggle on 11th May 2016, 18 weeks after Button. Two dogs lost within 4 months. Three dogs within 8 years. I am now grieving for all of them. Jake's special needs meant he was central to everything we did, every step in the house, every consideration was with him in mind. Button was 10. Jake was 8.
I feel lost, empty, devastated, unable to process how my life can continue.
We have one dog now - Molly, who came to us 5 years ago. One dog when the house was full of 3 dogs makes hte house feel huge, empty, lonely.
The days get worse and not better in any way. The sense of relief I felt on the day that Jake passed, that he was now at peace, that has gone, replaced with a longing for him which overwhelms me. I am no longer sobbing endlessly, but this deep internal pain of loss is just as bad and I don't know when it will end or even start to ease. Life seems pointless, nothing seems good any more.
I was at my happiest with having 3 dogs with me on the settee, just being in my home with them. Now I want to be anywhere else, yet when I am anywhere else I just want to be at home. I hate coming to the door and having only one barking dog to greet me. I miss my boys so much.
Zippy 13/01/2008, Button 06/01/2016, Jake 11/05/2016
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winstonsmom12
Wendy  I am so very sorry for all your losses.  Sometimes animals get sick just like humans.  And as much as we just want to make it go away, we can't.  I couldn't get an exact diagnosis on my Winston because I couldn't afford it.  I carry a lot of guilt for this.  All I saw was him getting weaker and sicker everyday.

You did the best and most humane thing for your babies.  They are not suffering anymore.  Only time heals our wounds.  It does get a little easier each day, but it will take time.  I lost my Winston 3/2/16.  I am still grieving.  Your pain is very new yet.  I know Winston is at peace now and is not miserable as he seemed the last couple of months.  Remember your babies as healthy and fun loving.  I wish you luck.  Blessings   Sue
Susan
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jimmy17
Wendy, I am so sorry - you`ve been through so much with all those losses. Each time we lose one of these beautiful little babies its hard, but to lose 2 within 18 weeks is heartbreaking.  I know what you mean in that you felt relief when Jake passed, but now have an urgent longing for him.  We lost our 17 year old dog Jim 5 months ago. and we were basically his care givers, and I felt relieved that he was no longer in any pain and discomfort, but how I wish he was still back here with me.    
 Poor Molly must be grieving too, wondering where her brothers have gone - it`s a tough road ahead, but you will get through it together, however unreal that seems right now.  We love them so so much, and you do wonder how to go on - I know I did, but we do. Finding this forum has been such a help, there are so many good, caring people here who are all going through this terrible time, come here often for support. 

                  Hugs, Jackie
J Taylor
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Teesabell
Wendy,

So sorry for all your losses!  You are a great mom!  Please know you did everything for them!  Praying for you!

Terri
Terri
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mathis1998
Wendi,so sorry for your loss. Pets become an important part of our lives. They give so much of themselves.God Bless You as you continue to heal.
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elliemeewiz
Hi Wendi, I'm so sorry for all your losses of your beloved doggies.. I also have lost many as this is my 6th time with my Wizberry(kitty) and not sure how I will get through this one yet. Hugs to you <3 Try thinking of poor Molly who is all alone now and is grieving too. She needs you. That is what I'm doing because we still have Syb, she is all alone now and she needs extra attention to get through this. 
My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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Eddiesmom
I am sorry for your loss.  I totally understand.  I had 3 dogs.  Eddie my German Shepherd died unexpectedly March 9th.  3 weeks later Henry my rottweiler crossed the bridge.  Henry was blind and had degenerative myelopathy so in addition to not being able to see he had difficulty walking as his back legs were practically useless.  I spend much of my time caring for him so when 2 of my 3 dogs were gone within weeks of each other, not only was I heartbroken I felt I had so much time on my hands....time was not my friend either as all I wanted to do was sleep and forget what has happened.  You have a lot of grieving to do but you will pull through for your last little dog and if your situation ends up anything like mine you will have to get another dog more FOR your surviving dog than for yourself.  My last dog, Chewy, wouldn't eat and would just stare at the wall....after a month of that I had to get a rescue.  If they are used to a "pack" it seems they much be in one.  Chewy eats now, does he like the new dog...not much but he does show interest in his bones, eating and chasing squirrels again.  I am very sorry for all your losses.
Sue E
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CKMP

Wendy
I am so sorry for your losses.  It is too much in such a short period of time.  When you are the caregiver too of a special, special needs companion the purpose we have each day is also taken from us throwing us into even more change and upheaval.  And, it is the quietness that reminds us daily of what used to be.  There are words I never want to hear again - "chronic" or "progressive",  then just fill in the blanks. 

I understand completely what that feeling is - 'not to be home' then 'wanting to be home'.  Drifting and looking, don't really know what for - but just meandering through life.
And I can understand maybe what Molly is going through without her brothers and with mum being so sad.   
Everything is different -from the silly daily tasks of laundry, meal making to those walks and giving out the treats.  And really at times not much really matters overall.  

It is a tough, long road to walk this one of grief . . . Maybe Molly can help you walk that road  . . .Zippy, Button and Jake are close 

Thank you for looking in at my post about my girl.  
Take care 

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Ell99
Oh Wendy what a really sad time you have been through. You have given your 3 beautiful pets a loving home. I feel your pain and most of know that feeling if life us not the same, home is not the same and we wasn't our old life back. You are not alone through this horrible time. Elle
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