letricia
Last night at about 3am I woke up and my sweet Thumper seemed to have had a seizure in the night. She couldn't really move and was so out of it. I had to take her to an emergency vet to be put to sleep. I feel like there's just a horrible heaviness weighing me down today and I'm so heartbroken. I just want to crawl in bed and sleep but the thought of doing that without Thumper cuddled up next to me is just devastating. She was my best friend and such a source of comfort and joy in my life. When I'm sad she's what brings me peace. And now she's gone and it just hurts so much.

She was 13 years old and I adopted her a year ago when she was 12 so we didn't even get to have that long together. For so much of the time I had her it was hard to believe she was so old because she was so full of fun and life. She was diagnosed with liver disease a few months back but at first the only sign was the routine bloodwork coming back abnormally which lead to a biopsy and medication. She's done really well symptom-wise up until very recently when it became clear it was affecting her brain. We went to the vet yesterday and it was very clear it was getting to be her time. I had made an appointment to have it done this afternoon. In my head it's like it couldn't be possible that it was her time. Even though on some level I did know, I kept thinking maybe there was something we could do. So I never thought it'd end that way where we couldn't even wait to do it with our regular doctor when they opened. She was so out of it and there was no way I could let her stay like that for even a few more hours (or minutes).

Everything just hurts so much. I couldn't even really say goodbye properly because I just needed them to end her suffering and it felt selfish to ask for a minute alone when I wasn't even sure she'd really be able to take any comfort in my presence with how out of it she was. I felt so helpless and now I just feel so guilty that I slept through the seizure and that I didn't end her suffering yesterday when it would have been better for her and that her last moments were probably so confusing and scary for her. My last (and first) dog Cassie died at 15 from cancer (a few months before I got Thumper), and I remember how scary it was but at least it was only a physical discomfort that led to it being her time and she still seemed like herself mentally and got to go in a more peaceful way after we'd had a real goodbye. I honestly don't know how to heal from this. You would think that after surviving losing Cassie who I had for 15 years I wouldn't be so taken off guard by how sick and miserable I feel but it's every bit as surprising and every bit as awful. I just want my Thumper to come back to me. I don't know how to do this without her.
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Chinadoll
Letricia, I am so touched by your post. I don't even know where to start. Adopting Thumper, giving him a home, love, warmth, at age 12, I am humbled. I see so many senior dogs in need of a home, it breaks my heart. Having lost Cassie earlier, you already knew the kind of heartache that can come with a loss. Then to take Thumper in knowing that maybe only a few years at best and he would pass also. that is the true act of love and kindness. I've thought many times since I lost my dogs about adopting a senior dog, but I guess I'm just too weak, I know how fast I can fall in love, and my heart just isn't ready to go through this grief again. So, bless you for what you did. Please, please, don't feel guilty, I know that is the first reaction some go through. Thumper has gone on to a much better place, but his heart and love for you will last forever as will your love for him. We just can't foresee all the things that could happen, they hide it so well. The progress of a disease can't be timed easily, one day they are doing much better then the next we wish we hadn't waited. You were doing your best, your love for Thumper is so evident, he knows that, even now. When you can, think of what you did for Thumper, giving him a home, even for a short while, that is true love, that is a kind person. You, truly touched my heart, blessings for peace and comfort. This forum is a wonderful place to share your emotions and so many people going through similar situations. I will be thinking of you today.
Charlie
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Chocolatekittens
Leticia I'm so so sorry for your loss words can't express the sudden passing of our fur babies and words are little consolation when were hurting so bad. In the time you had together it was fun and playful and it's so important to hold onto and focus on those happy memories. I've just lost my Jasmine few days before Christmas so I truly understand your pain. Take one day at a time and be patient and kind to yourself. It's a heartbreaking process that eases a little with time. As I've someone has said to me on here.. your not alone xx
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letricia
I'm sorry for the delayed response but I just wanted to say thank you both so much for your kind words, Chinadoll and chocolatekittens. They meant a lot to me during such an awful time. I am feeling much better now - I still miss Thumper so much but the pain isn't as strong. I can think of her and feel happy for our time together rather than devastated by her loss. The guilt I felt has eased, mainly through talking with my vet who was so kind; she helped me get a better sense of what Thumper was experiencing the night she passed on, and it's unlikely she really had much awareness at all. She likely just remembers falling asleep that night and the rest wasn't too clear. I hope that's true, and it brings me peace to think about it in those terms because it means from her perspective her death wasn't frightening or painful as I'd feared. She was an amazing dog and I loved her so much. Chinadoll, I definitely encourage you to consider adopting a senior when you feel you're ready - it's definitely a painful thing to know you can lose them but I wouldn't trade my time with Thumper for anything in the world!

Here's a few pictures of my sweet Thumper:
Thumper Cover Photo.jpg 

I adopted a sweet dog named Clover a few weeks after Thumper's passing and I've had her for a month now. I think it may have been too soon for me to be honest which was rough at the beginning. But thankfully she's settled in and I have come to love her so much already! She's an eight-year-old chihuahua mix and she's just the most easy-going, loving little dog. She's very anxious outside of the house unfortunately and will often hide behind me if someone approaches on our walks, so we've been working on that these past few weeks and it's been really rewarding to see the baby steps forward she's already made. She's cuddled up with me right now and I can't believe how lucky I was to have found such a perfect fit.

I feel like my experiences with Thumper have helped guide me through the difficult times, because Thumper helped me see the "light at the end of the tunnel". I was so heartbroken when Cassie died and Thumper helped me heal and all the difficult moments of adjusting with her at the beginning and the sadness I felt at her loss were so worth it in the end. I couldn't have asked for a better year with her and I was just so lucky to have that. I miss her a lot but will never forget her and all that she taught me.

Thank you both again!
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Chinadoll
I am so glad you are feeling a little better, so thankful for that. I'm still considering adopting a senior, not sure when I can, but you give me hope. I would love to see a picture of Clover if you have the time. I have such a soft spot for Chihuahua's, I love them so much. Take care, Blessings to you and Clover.
Charlie
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letricia
20180224_2018411.jpg 
Thank you! Here's my sweet girl 😉 
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Chinadoll
Well, what an absolutely sweet face!! She is so kind looking. Love the markings on her face. Falling in love can happen so fast, right? God bless you and thank you so much for posting a picture of her, brought a big smile to my face.
Charlie
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PeppermintPatty
Oh what a beauty Thumper was. I am so sorry for your loss. It's sad that the time you had together was short. The the pain you are feeling from her loss only confirms the love and deep bond you had for and with her.

Now it's time to shower your affection on sweet little Clover. Bless you for taking in these little seniors. May Clover's time with you be filled with lots of love and good health.

Thank you for posting pictures of your lovely little fur babies.
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