MissingScooty Show full post »
MissingScooty
Hi to you both,
It's my birthday today  - first without my baby :(  I cried Saturday and Sunday morning, but kept busy over the weekend with birthday outings. Another one tonight with my boyfriend. But you know what? I'd trade it all just to stay home and be with him again. Gosh I miss him. It's hard enough having a birthday with both parents gone, and now my dog? who was such a comfort, such a love. Licked my hand when I cried, or grabbed a toy to make me laugh, or would just snuggle up to me, put his head on my lap.
I keep wishing I had him cremated, so I could have a piece of him with me. But he passed so quickly, went downhill so quickly, then my boyfriend's father offered his backyard and I thought that was sweet and before I knew it, my boyfriend was digging a grave, and his father was saying "That's deep enough" and I said "NO IT'S NOT!!!" so I started crying. All I could think of was, I didn't want any animals to get to him, and I wanted him in a container. My boyfriend's Dad said "What do you want, a coffin?!!" I got so mad when he said that. I took the shovel myself and kept digging. It was so so cold out. And gosh darn it, we did buy a container! (His Dad paid for it, I guess he felt bad for saying something so harsh)
Wow, didn't expect to write that. Guess I am still upset.


Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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MissingScooty
Today I grabbed some mail and glanced at a rock he used to frequently pee on. Set off tears. Gosh we never know what will do that....
Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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catiebee
Ohhh.... Melissa I hate that I somehow didn't see your post yesterday about it being your birthday! Happy birthday to you and many happy returns!

I know it's not a happy time at the moment but I want there to be lots of good good wishes coming your way. You are so very worth celebrating! I wish that more people had been available to make your day special.

I am so sorry that tears are coming so frequently. It makes things hard when you keep getting swamped with them. But dang I sure do understand. Scooter was your friend. He was family. And he knew you and responded to you in ways you will never forget. Such a sweet, affectionate boy!

A pee Rock. That sounds like just the kind of thing that would create a vivid picture in your heart and set the tears a-flowing. I'm so sorry for that fresh pain. I'm also sorry that your boyfriend's dad was real insensitive right after he passed. At that point, I know it was all you could do to just endure the minutes and hours and get through them. I remind myself sometimes that the number of tears is finite, not infinite...

Sending warmest of thoughts and wishes along with hugs, Melissa! I hope tomorrow is somehow gentler day for you.
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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RileysMom
Melissa,

... I understand and relate to both of your last two posts. My dog was buried in our yard, which I later regretted, AND she had a weed/bush thing she liked to pee on.

It’s funny the things that get to us when going through something like this. Your boyfriend’s father sounds similar to my dad. I was worried too about the depth and lack of container. I don’t know why they say those things to someone clearly distraught, but they do.

I just wanted to let you know I understand completely and I agree with you.

Hope you’re doing a little better today.
Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Mackysmum
Happy birthday i didn't see your post till now strangely.
Your scooter is very cute that photo is really nice with the pretty leaves
I hope your having a better day today
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MissingScooty
Thanks to all of you. My actual birthday was fairly decent. I do have many people who love me (but of course, not as well as Scooter). Dinner out and movie with my boyfriend. The staff at the restaurant were so very kind. I felt blessed.
I have to say, I am having a hard time forgiving my boyfriend's Dad for what he said. I know I need to, for my sake, and for my faith beliefs, but having a hard time with it. Scooter loved my boyfriend's Dad and would want me to not hold this against him...
I am sorry Val you too were hurt in your hardest moments, and by your Dad. People tend to get foot in mouth disease when it comes to other's grief. Sometimes they don't even realize it.
I am grateful Catie and Val and others here understand little things like a Pee rock and how such little things can cause us tears.
Off to work now. Much love and hugs
Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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catiebee
Hee hee... Definitely understand the pee rock. Every time I go past the apartment's mailbox structure, I glance down where the boy dogs pee because Marissa loooved to check that spot out with long sniffage!  

It's good to hear that you were celebrated on your birthday, though I realize you're still struggling hard with your loss.

It's ok for it to take awhile to process your pain over the way your BF's dad acted. Sometimes it just takes time to get the pain released from a scene.

You're so right...foot in mouth. And people don't want the grief to stay as long as it does. They seem to get impatient.

Hope your work week is going well and that bit by bit things are becoming easier and gentler for you, Melissa. Big hugs!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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catiebee
Happy Easter, Melissa! I hope this weekend will be a good one and will hold encouragement for you. Please know that you are in my thoughts. Many hugs to you...
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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RileysMom
Just stopping by to send some hugs to you today... 🤗 Hope you’re doing okay and getting some enjoyment from the weekend!
Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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catiebee
I think of you often, Melissa. Hope things are going as well as possible. Many hugs to you!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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MissingScooty
Hi Catie - and anyone else checking in...
I've been feeling drained lately and avoiding my feelings and this site a bit. I am sorry for that. The 4 month anniversary is coming on the 13th, and I sense the grief feelings starting to stir a little (again!!!!). I had two fairly solid weeks. Not sure if that is because I was "stuffing" the feelings and trying so very hard not to think of him, or it was some real healing. From all I have learned in (human) grief support group I attend, and reading books, grief is never a steady "progress" really, but with many dips backwards along the way, while going every so slowly overall upward.
That and a real push to get more job applications out, has kept me on the busy side.
Thank you so so much for checking in. I have a feeling I will be posting more as the anniversary gets closer :(
Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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catiebee
It's good to hear from you, Melissa. 

No worries! When we have the choice, it is sure nice to not eat, breathe and completely stew in the grief, so I can readily understand your not being here so frequently and stepping back from the intense feelings.  I hope other areas of life are going well for you. 

Sorry you are worn and I hope your reserves can be replenished soon. 

I think you're very right about the way grief works. BTW, I like GriefShare a lot. It would be nice if they had a version for pet loss, wouldn't it? 

I hope just the right new post opens up for you soon-soon. Keep taking care of you! 
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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MissingScooty
Totally agree it would be wonderful if they had GriefShare for pets - although I think much of it applies, some does not as we know pets love better than humans! I was able to mention my dog once or twice, but only in connection with the death of my Dad, as my Dad and Scooter were very close at the end of his life.
okay now I am really heading to bed, lol
Missing and loving Scooter Forever
- Melissa
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