Thank you for your words Menders Mama and I am so sorry for your loss. Our stories are so similar and I know you understand.

Thank you Memories of Marmalade for all of the advice and hope that you give to everyone here. Maybe that is partly why Marmalade was brought into your life. You are helping I am sure countless people with what you have been going through. And yes your story should be made into a movie or a book. You are also an excellent insightful writer too. I keep thinking if you can make It through this devastation that maybe I can too. I am so sorry for your loss as well and for everything you have been through. Marmalade was definitely one of a kind. I hope you see my post and my thank you.

I deleted my original post as I was having a terrible moment last night and wrote too much. Nobody around me understands. I just want my dog back, I need to hug him. I’m still shocked with how sudden this was, this should not have happened but I cannot change anything and I can’t make him come back.

I’d love to get another dog and selfish as it might sound I just do not think or I know I cannot handle another loss. First time in years our house has been empty. This is too hard to keep going through.
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Oh Ava, I am so sorry for your loss and your experience. I recently lost my big boy and I can sympathize with many of your feelings. Obviously, it is 3am here and I am awake because I can smell him and I don’t want that to go away if I drift off.

I had a conversation with my husband last night about what would have been his preference for when our big boy left, to have him go unexpectedly or to have been able to decide. Pros and cons to both, but I am so glad you were able to give him some amazing moments up until his passing. I too feel like we were robbed of time with our big boy and all the things we were meant to do or should have done with him. Your big guy passed with some of the best memories and experiences you could have given him.

I also had a conversation with my husband about “moving on” and how the family would need me to get back to “normal”. I had to express to him that I could never be back to normal, I would not be moving on. Life as we knew it would never ever be the same, but we are trying to move forward. I have been listening to several short sessions on Ted.com about grief and heart break. They have helped a great deal with processing these emotions. But you don’t have to get over it nor move on, he was not just a moment of your life. You take all the time you need to process and try not to put a lid on it, you must process your grief, whatever that may look like for you.

I too have had people say, getting a new dog will help. I can say that when I lost my first, my big boy did exactly that. He helped me with the heartache because he was my therapy dog, I could express my love and my emotions and it did help me work through it. Now I have lost him. I keep thinking, I loved him so deeply could I ever love another dog so much? could I give another dog a beautiful life? There isn’t a single person, whose story I have read, that another animal wouldn’t love to be loved by. But only you will know when or if that time ever comes.

Ava, our hearts feel like they will explode because we loved our big boys with every ounce of us. We have to believe they knew that, that they loved us just as much, and that they will be ready to greet us and welcome us home when our time comes. But for now, they are around us, present in our memories, present because they are a part of us.

I do hope you find some peace after writing your thoughts down, I know it helped me. And everyone on here is so supportive and genuine. I put up pictures of my big boy all over the house so I can talk to him like before, I started journaling to him, I let myself cry to sleep, and I am starting to be more gracious to myself for being able to give him and share with him the most beautiful life. Be kind to yourself, he Would want that.

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