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Darceysmum
Hi there, I've just joined this forum and read your post. I lost my precious wee princess a week ago today and I'm utterly broken hearted. I can't imagine ever feeling better. The pain is indescribable and giving me panic attacks about where she is and is she safe and well again. I've had to take some time off work as I'm just crying all the time. Like yourself, I can't face being at home even though I have another fur baby who is also missing her sister. It is a small comfort to know other people know exactly how lost and heartbroken I feel. Xx
Adele Morgan
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HisMomma
My Louie, I just read an article online about how us humans shouldn't hug our dogs because you supposedly don't actually like it....what a joke I say! If you didn't like hugs & it "stressed" you out, then why did you always want to be loved on?! Those crazy people are trying to tell us to stop hugging our babies? They've obviously never had the joy of loving a gorgeous boy like you! I had to share that because I miss your big ole head on my leg. I miss your clown dog pose (I would tell him to do the Clown Dog & he'd stand up on his two back feet & put his front paws in my hand! Pretty good for a big 75lb boy!) That was my very favorite & you'd only do it for me buddy. You'd always "shake" when the girls would ask you to & you loved to play sticks with daddy, that was your special thing to do with him. Well that & playing rough! You'd always go crazy playing with the huge sticks daddy would find for you! I stopped playing sticks with you after I got whacked with a huge stick one day! I was upset, because, well, it hurt...bad! I learned my lesson that day & left the stick playing up to daddy. I can laugh about that now since it no longer hurts.

I'm praying for the hurt of losing you to turn into only fun, happy, fond memories buddy. I don't want to be sad anymore Louie. My heart can only break so many times before it might not fit back together again. My mind was playing tricks on me yesterday. Anytime I'd walk by the sliding door to the deck, I'd think I'd see you out of the corner of my eye, sitting by the stairs like you always did. Then I'd look over & see the place where daddy & I laid you to rest. The sun was shining ALL day yesterday....you loved to lay in the sun.

I wish I didn't take our time together for granted...I thought you'd live forever buddy. I have learned a lot during this time of loss & taking things for granted is one of them. I won't do that again buddy, I promise. I've been loving on Spiker & Scruffie (Louie's brother & sister cats) more since you passed. I told them I was sorry for not giving them more love over the years, but I'm doing much better with that. I'm scared they're going to leave me too Louie. They're 11 years old & I don't want to think about them passing, but now I realize no one can live forever so I need to enjoy every day with them as well. Thank you for teaching me that valuable lesson, momma really needed that.

I love you lots Louie & I have faith that God will reunite us again <3
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
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      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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HisMomma
powerful.JPG  hope.JPG 
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
               ------------------------~*~-------------------------
      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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HisMomma
My Louie, Alexis misses you buddy. I was tucking her into bed last night & she just started crying. I had no idea she was hurting like that & my heart broke. She said she just wants to see your face again.....she wants to touch your fur.....she wants to hug you. I didn't know what to say Lou. I told her I wish I could fix everything. She said she tries really hard not to cry at school, that really made my chest hurt. I thought I was the only one having such a hard time. She holds in her sadness until it just pours out. I told her to talk to me about you whenever she wants to. I told her how I cry when no one's here with me & she said she was sorry I was sad when I was alone. It's not her fault & I made sure she understood that. She's so little Louie & I feel so bad that she is struggling with your loss too.  If I can't accept it, how do I explain it to her?

I'm having such a hard time accepting that I won't ever be able to touch you, see you or kiss you again as long as I'm on this earth. I just can't fathom that. Why did the year have to start this way? I would do anything to have you back buddy. I've been working on forgiving myself this week, trying to let go of the guilt & blame for feeling like I failed you. I'm making some progress with that, but the grief from what I've been trying to let go of has now shifted to missing every minute with you.

You know when I came to your resting place Tuesday, how it was so quiet outside? I had said "I don't know if you can really hear me or not......" I put my head down. Then the neighbors dog started barking like crazy Lou! There was absolutely no noise at all the whole time I was visiting you until I said that, then he started barking. It was bittersweet buddy. I miss your loud, powerful bark. I remember a while back, probably a year or so ago, daddy made a joke about recording your bark, so if someone came to the house after you passed away, we could play your bark & they'd go away. I'm so mad I didn't do that. Not for the reason daddy joked about, but just so I could hear it now. Daddy & I have a ton of videos of you & occasionally he'll pull them up for us to watch together. But I think the only noise you make in those videos are growling because you were playing tug of war, trying to be a toughie :)

I've been thinking about enlarging a picture of you for the living room wall with a sweet quote but I think it's still too soon for my heart to handle seeing you staring at me with your gorgeous brown eyes. I will eventually, I promise. Momma loves you buddy.
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
               ------------------------~*~-------------------------
      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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HisMomma
My Louie,
Today makes it 8 weeks.....It's hard to believe, but at the same time it feels like it's been much, much longer. I miss your craziness & all of your love. Most days I'm able to stay strong & not lose myself in the loss of you due to the busyness of life, but once in a while it hits me & I deeply miss you buddy. I'll always miss you & long to feel your hairy body again while receiving some of your lovely kisses! There are moments when I think about the possibility of getting another dog in the far future, but I know he or she couldn't replace you & I think that's what my mind would try to do if we adopted again. I think my mind would try to re-create you in a way, but it can't Louie...you were one in a million to me & no other pet can become you.

You're always on my mind & forever in my heart. You stand by me & keep me strong. I don't dwell on you being "gone" any longer because you're always with me buddy. You wouldn't just leave me forever like that, you're here & I feel your love. Like I mentioned above, I try my best to keep busy. Being home almost all of the time isn't always easy, but your sisters & your hairy siblings keep me occupied. Your sisters talk about you often. Usually right at bed time when they're tired minds need a rest....they tear up & say how much they miss seeing you. All I can do is tell them how sorry I am & I would change it if I could Louie. I do my best to not let them feel guilty because they say things like "I just want to play with him, I didn't play with him enough." They don't deserve that pain or guilt. They're so little Louie, but please know they love you with all of their hearts.

I love you,
Love your momma
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
               ------------------------~*~-------------------------
      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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HisMomma
10 weeks.....doesn't seem right buddy. You'd be proud of me though Louie. I've kept it together pretty good up until the last two days. We finally got those three huge trees taken down from the front yard near the house, so Daddy & I have been spending the last two evenings outside cutting them up for firewood. Every time I'd turn the corner to the back of the house to haul the branches, I'd look for you Lou. Each & every time I'd walk back and forth, a tear or two would fall down my face. All I wanted to see was you sitting on the deck watching me do the grunt work! You always were watching out for me & I deeply, deeply miss that sense of security. I miss your love buddy. I miss your sweet, loving face & those big beautiful brown eyes of yours. There the tears go again......I really try not to think about never seeing you again during my lifetime because I can feel my heart break like it is doing right now.

I think I need to stop for now. I just needed to write & say how much I think about you & how you changed my life. Thank you for the many, many years of unconditional love & protection.
I love you,
Love your Momma
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
               ------------------------~*~-------------------------
      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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HisMomma
12 weeks today buddy. I wanted to stop by and share that you're on my mind all of the time & in my heart forever. I can't believe how time has gone on since I last saw your sweet face. I don't think the weird feeling that something's missing will ever go away. That something is you Louie & it's still so unsettling that I can't see you whenever I want, give you kisses, or rub your belly. That's the hardest part of it all. We lost a huge part of us when you left that unbearable day, but you will always be with us. I promise you that.

I finally put a new picture of you up on the fridge. It took me a while to do that & I'm sorry, but I didn't know when I'd be able to handle seeing that everyday. (I know I mentioned how hard it's been not seeing you, but in person, it's so much different than a picture.) I also put a different picture of you on my desktop so whenever I get on my laptop, you're there with me buddy :) 

I miss you more than ever <3 I love you

Love your Momma
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
               ------------------------~*~-------------------------
      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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jj
Hismomma, its 3 months for me today also.... Its so hard...
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HisMomma
jj wrote:
Hismomma, its 3 months for me today also.... Its so hard...


jj, I completely forgot we share the same day. I hope you're gradually doing better. If not just yet, remember there is no rush to get through the grieving.

Most days I'm so occupied with my kids, house work, etc that the days go by quickly, but there are low days that sneak in there & my heart just aches. The only thing that makes me smile almost instantly now are his pictures. It's taken me a long time to look at them daily, but his face gets me through the low points.

Thinking of you today
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
               ------------------------~*~-------------------------
      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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jj
Thank you Hismomma, that is so kind of you to remember me. It is the most difficult time for us...
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HisMomma
This week has been pretty rough Louie. There have been overwhelming moments where the loss of you causes me to break. I've been dealing with some issues with my leg, so I think I'm a little discouraged as it is. Then thinking of you brings me a little further down. I still want this to be a dream...it's a nightmare actually... and I'd like to wake up. I just miss you. Everything about you is missed so deeply. I haven't touched a dog since you left. I don't know if I could even do it. Your hairy brother & sister just don't fill that void. They're just silly little cats who don't have a care in the world & there's nothing like holding your big hairy body whenever I needed a hug. You made me feel safe buddy, you took care of me even though you probably had no idea how much you were there for me. I think that's why it's been so hard this week. I just need to hold you & I really could use a sloppy kiss.

I love you <3 
Love your Momma
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
               ------------------------~*~-------------------------
      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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HisMomma
6 months today...I can't believe it. It still feels like yesterday Louie. It's been a rough past week missing you. I've missed you since that horrible day, but this last week stirred up a lot of memories. We'd always make sure you were content before we started fireworks on the 4th, even though they never really bothered you unless they were the screeching kind! Those made you go a bit crazy. I sat on the back deck & saw a part of the stairs/railing where pieces of your hair had accumulated a bit. That really upset me buddy. Whenever I'd sit on the stairs, you'd always join me. You would sit with me all day if I just stayed there. I want that back Louie, so bad. I wish I treasured those special moments with you even more because now that's all I have. Daddy's been talking about you lately. After I broke down on the 4th, I think he can tell I'm dealing with your loss all over again. The other night we looked at your picture & he started talking about how much fun you were & how you were such a good boy. How your big strong head felt so good to hold & rub. I had to get up & walk out of the room because I thought I was going to lose it.

I still regret so much about that unexpected day Louie. I want to go back and save you, if only I could, please know that I would. I don't even know what happened to you. You were completely normal the day before & then all of a sudden you went downhill really fast. You'd had a few episodes in the past year where you had a couple of down days, but you always perked right back up within a few hours. It's really hard looking back because hindsight is 20/20. I can't change a second of that horrific day, but I really wish I could. Please know you're in my heart forever, nothing can change that, and I think about you all of the time buddy.
I love you
Love your Momma
Rescued from the Shelter 5/15/2007 * 1/11/2017 Forever in my Heart
               ------------------------~*~-------------------------
      "Sometimes the things we can't change, end up changing us."
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