Nechemiahsmom
I love dogs, but I don't think I can do this anymore. I used to foster special needs dogs for shelters. I also used to volunteer at shelters. I also used to have a comfortable life - not rich, but not lacking. I used to pride myself by being able to do it all with very little help. Well, my job overwhelmed me and I didn't want to admit it, so I stumbled through work until the company said no more. I never recovered from that loss, but what I held fast to were my dogs. Even when I had very little money and had to get government assistance-sorry but that was my first foray into home cooking for dogs. You can't buy dog food with food stamps. I ate once a day and they ate 2 - 3 times daily. The problem was both dogs came to me with health challenges (heart disease was the major one). I couldn't afford all the tests the vets proposed. I had one very good vet that really worked with me. In the end, she recommended euthanasia. I passed and she died 2 weeks later. About 11 months later, a bout with the flu and a bad heart took the other. So 2016 and 2017 were awful. About 10 days after the first pup passed, I began fostering another special needs (behavioral) dog. This pup also kept having diarrhea. That became my new mission as my other pup only had a low grade heart murmur at the time. Even after my other pup passed in 2017, I was still trying to end my now failed fosters diarrhea issues. In April of 2018, I began to panick as my previous pups died in that month. I must have really tried my vet's patience, but my pup was not getting better AND he was loosing hair and pigmentation on his nose. Another vet finally said he had an autoimmune disease and it may come and go but it's not curable. I was told this on the day I was adopting another dog (because I missed having 2 dogs). I almost didn't go pick up the other dog. In hindsight I should not have. My 2 pups coexisted, not really bonding with each other and the new one not with me. Again, my attention was diverted to the sick one as his digestive and skin problems worsened - he lost an ear and his nose. Due to the cyclical nature of his illness, he got better. About a month before he passed he got worse again. I prayed that he'd make it to our annual Christmas picture day. He did!! I absolutely hated the picture and was going to have another done the next day. Something came up. I can't recall now what was so important. The next picture day was December 14th. I was feeling a little hopeful about the new picture and the days events that I decided to go to a party for work. Something I hadn't done in about a year. When I returned, my pup looked the same but when he tried to get up he stumbled. I carried him out to potty (not much output) and, once inside, offered food. He refused. NOT LIKE HIM AT ALL. At bedtime I put him in a bed next to mine as he usually comes to my bed, walks up his puppy stairs, and snuggles next to me after I'm in bed. I though I'd hear him when he got up to get into my bed. This night I tossed and turned until, I decided to get water and offer some to my pup. He did not want any. So I returned to bed, waving him goodnight. When I woke up he was on the floor dead. This was the first time I slept 6 hours straight and I missed his attempt to get in my bed. I could tell. I the foot of his stairs was poop stains and he was found next to my bed in his poop. I am so sad. I don't want to deal with any dogs again and am looking for a home for the other. Oh, and a new job-I work with dogs.
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BoxerMomForever
I’m so sorry, that’s a lot to endure. Hugs to you. This forum is helping me. So many great people who are all going through the same sadness.

I often said when we found out our Lily was sick, not sure if I want to go through the heartache again. But since I’m home 24/7 I miss having a dog when hubby is at work. I’m open to getting another in the future not now but my hubby said nope, we’re not getting another dog, too much heartache. That makes me real sad. I wanted to volunteer at shelter but I’m holding back because I’ll either find it sad or want to adopt every dog there.
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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Nechemiahsmom
Thank you for your response. I was beginning to think that no one even cared to read my post. I haven't said a lot to anyone because I know my mother would say "good, don't get another" and the sorry looks from others would make me sad. I am barely functioning now. I went to work and was told a dog died there the day before (he was sick and the family thought he might pass). I cleaned house this morning by putting my son out (he pulled a knife on me and my deceased dog a year ago). He is coming to get his dog tonight because I can't deal with her high energy or anyone's energy for that matter. I am starting to feel physically better, but that is because nothing is required of me until I go to work. I may take a day or two off. The dog here is keeping his distance but watching me.
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BoxerMomForever
It may be slow on here due to the holidays. Do you work at a shelter or veterinarian? That’s hard as well. That why I’m on the fence about volunteering. If you feel you need some time off, do it for your health. Please let us know how you are okay!
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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Nechemiahsmom
Two different doggy daycare and boarding facilities. Luckily, we are closed for the next 2 days, allowing me to grieve uninterrupted. I would have loved the alternative though - cuddling with my little man
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BoxerMomForever
I see, so your are always surrounded by dogs in your job. Aww, he was such a cute little guy.what was his name? I for the life of me can’t get a picture small enough to attach or avatar.
Linda *Mom to two boxer angels* Lily {White Girl} 6/22/09 - 10/14/19  ** Ginger {Flashy Fawn Girl} 6/4/97 - 5/28/09
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Nechemiahsmom
The shelter named him Nico. I renamed him Nechemiah, but called him both names and itty bitty man because he was so slim and only got worse
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