Murrjjdr
Let me begin by saying I have two wonderful children I'm blessed with. In between having them I had a miscarriage. After that several surgies one of which a hysterectomy I can no longer have children. So feeling empty from a loss and not being able to have more... Off to the shelter my daughter and I went. This is the story of Bella... Wasn't sure we would find the right one for our family. But little did I know a beautiful terrier mix was waiting and chose us. Was love at first sight! She grew to be my other child. She was so outgoing. Loved being outside and most important loved everyone of us. Helped me to heal. You could talk to her and I believe she knew what I was saying. She would give hugs when you needed them most. So with vacations, fishing trips and lots of car rides. Chasing birds, frogs and lizards was her hobbies! Of course getting special treats. We gave her as much love as we could. Then one day all of sudden our sweet girl got sick. She was panting, not wanting to eat, was walking slow. Could tell in her eyes something wasn't right. So of we go to the Vet on a Sunday. After x-rays, blood work we was called into a room and I knew from the look on the Vets face it was bad. I thought get her medicine maybe a overnight of fluids she be good to go. Turns out our world would change overnight. She had IMHA basically it's attacks the blood cells. Her body was attacking itself. We was informed that she needed blood transfusion. But had to take her to specialist. So without hesitation we we drove a hour and half. Bella was so sick I just held her tried comforting her on the way. That sweet fur kid tried following me around on her worst day she would not give up. So I thought can't give up on her. So at the specialist they were hopeful run some tests,blood work, blood transfusions, meds. Called in neurologist, pulmonary.. I mean the best care you could offer. So I couldn't sleep at all that night praying and wondering what was going on. The dreaded call came that overnight she had went downhill. Started throwing blood clots to lungs and brain stem. Could no longer walk had the head tilt and eye twitch. So I knew what I had to do. One last gift of letting her go. No more suffering. So we drove down said good bye. I watched the life leave her worn out body. I feel guilty. I feel like I'm to blame. I know we done everything we could save her. There is always that what if.. What if I had tried more, what if I had caught it earlier. So after 6 years we brought her home for the last time. Buried her under her favorite tree to watch her birds that she loved to chase. It's been a month. Feels like she has been gone for years in some ways but hurts everyday. It's the little things that get me. The birds, her favorite treats, riding in the car. I know it will get easier but at same time I feel like it shouldn't. She was my fur kid. The house isn't the same. I made her a beautiful resting place with flowers. Placed a rose bush just for her. It's hard. I know loss happens everyday. So one day at time is all I can do. Losing a fur child, a best friend has been hardset on me. I took care of her spent the most of the time with her and bonded. So time heals they say. I know it does. But she will forever be missed and in my heart. Thank you listening letting get this out. It helps.
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NormaT
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said Bella chose you. Clearly she had a great life with you and when she needed you to end her suffering you didn't let her down. Please trust me when I say the guilt and the what ifs are almost inevitable. You know you made the right decision but the awful thoughts of doubt haunt you and make you question your actions. In time these doubts will subside to be replaced by knowing you did do what was best for Bella.
Norma
Norma 
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