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Lana

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Posts: 55
Reply with quote  #1 
I have posted before about the loss of one dog Zoey to cancer at 16 and then losing her pup and my only remaining dog Binx, 14 to heart failure 22 days later.  I'm still thinking she died of a broken heart. This was a month ago.

Today my heart is breaking.  I knew how much I loved my dogs but I never realized how much company they were to me.  My kids are grown and my husband travels on business and I loved staying home alone with my dogs.  I never once felt lonely or that I should be doing something more constructive.  I just loved being home with them.

I have never felt more alone than I have today.  I can't even breathe.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

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Reply with quote  #2 

I am so sorry for your loss. I totally can related to that feeling of emptiness. My lad "Marmalade" and I lived in a warehouse together for the past two years, and although he is gone, I am still so used to him meeting me at the gated entrance and meowing, and then escorting me in to our living area. All the while stopping, and looking behind him to see if I was still following close behind, if I wasn't still right behind him, he would pause or sit for a moment in order for me to catch-up. I can still imagine seeing him.

I miss him so. My heart is broken into a billion small pieces. He was my best friend, my son, my brother, my comrade in arms, my only family and yes, most importantly "my company." And I felt I had to put him down in the end. My feelings, my loneliness without him, my broken heart and my empty home, meant absolutely nothing to me during the making of my final decision. All I could think of was "I MUST stop his pain & suffering." I had to end his starvation & dehydration and the endless prodding, poking, man-handling (by male nurses at 2 animal hospitals), examinations, testing, medications and surgical procedures. He had had ENOUGH!

I too have to remind myself just to breath sometimes. I am overwrought with grief, regret, guilt & sorry. I hope you travel through time and continue to heal. RIP Zoey & Marmalade. XO
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Lana

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Reply with quote  #3 
I think that we have trusted them with our hearts.  My dogs own my hearts.  Always will.
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Lana

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Reply with quote  #4 
How is it that we feel so much love
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Lana

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Reply with quote  #5 
I miss them so...
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sandyac

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Reply with quote  #6 
Hi Lana, I relate exactly to what you are saying. My children are also grown and do not live at home. My husband passed away 14 years ago. My dog Riley was my company. As you said I never felt alone or lonely with Riley being with me. I now hate coming home to my house and the silence here is awful. I miss him so much. When I cry I feel like it is so intense and so deep from my heart. I don’t know how to get through this. Sandy
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RedFox

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Reply with quote  #7 
Hi Lana.
I loved (I still love) my boy with all my heart, but it was my grandmother who was with him all the time, while I was in uni and my mother was working. He was her company, followed her everywhere. He passed 9 months ago, and even now if I look at his favorite places I hope he will be here. Sometimes if I hear barking similar to him, for a moment I think that is him. I'm not alone in this house, but I often feel lonely without him. Only time will heal your wounds.
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Lrogers424

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Reply with quote  #8 
 I am so sorry Lana.  Grief can be so overwhelming at times and the loss of your two beloved companions must be so difficult to bear.  I lost my girl almost one year ago and still miss her terribly.  Even though I have adopted again, I still mourn her loss.  No advice here, just that everyone has there own way and time to make their way through the grief.  Be kind to yourself through the process.  There will be okay days and then the days that you feel that devastation all over again.  Through your process, we are all here to help and listen.

I wish you peace.

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Lori, Daisy's Mom and now Luna's Mom
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