winstonsmom12
I wake up every morning asking my self WHY? Why did I take Winston for short walks. Why was I so blind to his condition? Why didn't I have enough money for testing? Why was I so stupid? Winston had a touch of arthritis in his right hind leg, and vet said short walks were fine and I wanted to get him out of the house for a bit and get some air and a little excersize.  He walked very very slow, but i walked every step with him very slow.

I still feel so damn guilty and Stupid! I was in denial. I thought I would have him forever i guess. Winston, I hope you know how much I loved you, and forgive me for being so blind. I did what had to be done for you Baby But that doesn't stop my guilt. Does the guilt ever end?

I hate myself but I know you are not suffering anymore.  Forgive me baby. Mommy Loves you always and FOREVER XOXOXO
Susan
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WILCO
Hi Susan,

No need to feel guilty. Always remember the loving home you provided Winston. I truly believe that is all we can provide our furry friends. Beyond that, it is up to God. 

And speaking of God, he had a vacancy in heaven for a cute dog and Winston fit the bill. Take comfort that Winston is now happy and healthy in heaven and that you, too, will meet him at the Rainbow Bridge in due time. 
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Evie123
Dear Susan, I did exactly the same with our beautiful Molly. We took her out for a couple of short walks a day and sometimes longer ones. She had arthritis in her back legs and was on painkillers every day but she absolutely loved going out, her eyes lit up and she became so excited so I knew I couldn't deny her that pleasure even though she found it difficult. Even on that last morning I said let's go to castle Eden and she perked up and was so happy. Winston will have loved those walks too, being able to explore the outside world is what our babies love more than anything so please don't feel guilty. It would have been awful for him not to go out and moving his joints will surely have helped to keep him a bit more mobile. You were right to take him out, as I know I was with Molly, because otherwise they would have been frustrated at being cooped up. You helped him sweetheart, he would have sat down and refused to move if he didn't want to go, as our German shepherd did when I was a child. Give yourself a big hug and praise for being such a wonderful and caring mum. Xxxxx
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winstonsmom12
Thank You Evie  Yes, I wanted to take Winston out for short walks.  Not cooped up in the house.  We used to go for long walks, when he was well.

But as time passed he just couldn't walk far anymore.  I walked every step slowly with him.  I wanted to see if I could strenghten his leg a little, He had lost a lot of muscle mass.

The Vet encouraged short walks at the end.  I wanted him to get some fresh air too.  I have a complete knee re-placement in my left knee.  And a torn Miniscus in my right along with arthritis.


It wasn't easy for me either.  But I did it gladly for him.  Bless You  XO

Susan
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DoctorGonzo

Susan,

 Sweety, it's time to forgive yourself. There's really nothing to forgive here sugar. It's easy to say I guess, but it's true. Unless you were dragging Winston down the street, or making him treadmill, you've nothing to regret. As far as medical goes, shoot I spent a pile on my Red Dog, and the vet had no idea. Of course I refused to let them slice and dice on her either, and charge me thousands of dollars for a diagnosis a ditch-digger could have made. Dog was old, all used up, we worked and played hard, and it probably cost her a couple of years. I don't let it bother me at all, she was WAY above average for her breed, and she made it an average amount of time. 

 The Pope of Dogs absolves you of any guilt.

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winstonsmom12
Doc   You DO have a way with words.  Yes, you're right. Winston was old and failing.  I tried my best with him.

I treated him with Kid Gloves all his life.  Even The Vet said she had never seen a 12 yr old Bulldog in all her Practice, which made me feel quite good, like I did my job well ; ). 

One of the other Vets who knew Winston, said He wouldn't risk putting him under anasthesia for testing, because of his age, breathing and heart.  The money and that were the reasons i didn't.  Your Red Dog was a beautiful girl, in and out from what i've seen and read from your stories.

We will always grieve, but take solace that we did the right thing by them.  I am sending a million kisses and hugs to all the babies who have passed.  Thank You    Sue
Susan
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JerseyNonna
susan, absolutely sweetie please stop beating yourself up with "whys" that will never change the situation.  you and Winston lived life the way you two were supposed to and love each other so deeply.  heck girl, even shorter slow walks are better than none at all which is what some dogs live their entire lives without - the companionship of that special human (or any humans for that matter).  sometimes when we are so blinded in our grief we can't focus on what is good in our lives and the same is when life gets so hectic for us we sometimes forget to stop, slow down ourselves and just enjoy what we have in front of us.  i'm certain that if you ask Winston if he would have changed anything in his lifetime with you that he would say "absolutely never, I was given the best life by susan - she always took care of me even before taking care of herself most times".  as much as I think we all want to have those "whys" answered for our own peace of mind, in the long run they don't matter and as much as we all want to...we can't turn back the hands of time.  we may never know why they had to leave us when they did, but we can be grateful that we were the blessed ones to have such loving souls in our care for however long we did.  yup, I admit the "big why" is never far from my thoughts but I know roxie would never want to see me hurting this much and that "oh why did you have to go and leave me" doesn't really matter and won't change anything but drive me crazy.  be kind to yourself as Winston would want you to be and remember that you gave him a most wonderful life.  trust me hon, our loved companions only see the love we give to them and in the end all that matters is that we all shared a love with a fur-baby that will always remain until we are reunited.  many many hugs to you sweetie with peace and love
JerseyNonna
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DoctorGonzo

Having a fondness for Bullys myself, they don't have a very long life span usually. Many problems in that breed.

You must have done everything right. And kept a really close eye on Winston. You should be proud. 

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Georgiapeaches
Wow these posts are exactly what I'm going thru today, I've almost made it thru one day without my girl, white boxer Georgia. With her being white it was a lot harder for me to face that she was getting old, there was no change to her fur in terms of changing color. But I should have noticed the walks were getting shorter and shorter, she would take so much longer just to get in and out of the car even though I always tried to help her get in and out. I think it's just that they go thru their life stages so much faster than humans we forget to judge them in terms of dog years. I used to get so mad if anyone called my girl a senior dog, she was only 12 years old , she was my baby.
I feel just as guilty about the walks, about not catching everything that was wrong with her earlier. Maybe I should have waited longer and got her on some kind of liver support/senior care if there is such a thing , maybe have a vet on call 24 hours.., the more I beat myself up the crazier my thoughts become.
So I just wanted to say Winstons mom, I'm positive you did everything in your power for Winston. Bully breeds age even faster I read. Georgia was always so fond of Bulldogs , I think boxers are also a bully breed.
I wish I could see more pics of your Winston , but I'm new here and when I click on your avatar I can't enlarge it and don't know where else to look.
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Sampson
Your Winston knew how much you loved him. You gave him a wonderful life and yes it is so difficult to realize that they will not be with us forever. We do the best we can and I am quite sure you did that.
Take it easy!
S.
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