DonnaP
Yesterday was one of the hardest days ever. My JR named Makoa crossed over the Rainbow Bridge. She was 12 and I loved her so much. About 5 years ago she was diagnosed with IVDD, she had a few episodes of paralysis but recovered but in Sept of 2014 she had one but did not gain back the use of her back legs. So we have been caring for her and carrying her in and out. She could drag herself where she needed to be  but it was so hard to see.She did not seem to be in pain at all so we have just been doing this for a year and a half. My husband built a wheelchair for her but she hated that thing. Anyway she was beginning to lose control and would use the bathroom anywhere. She just mainly ate and slept. We knew it was time. I feel so guilty and keep thinking I should have waited longer. I don't know how I will ever get over the pain and guilt.
Donna Proctor
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ricemanstm
Donna,

I'm so very sorry for your loss.  I understand your pain though, I really do. And I think you'll find just about everyone here does.  My Delenn crossed over less than 72 hours ago.  The wound is fresh, the pain is fierce, and the tears won't stop.  But you're in the right place.  We'll all get each other through.  You type as much as you need to and let out what you feel.  You won't be judged but you will be held.  I will pray for you, your family, and Makoa.

God bless Donna.

Stephen
Stephen "Riceman" Myers
"The greatest tribute one can give a loved one is to share their life and stories with others."

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DonnaP
I feel I did the right thing for her but I keep thinking how can being dead be better than being here with us loving her even though she had to drag her back end and could not run and play.......It's so hard.....
Donna Proctor
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JerseyNonna
donna, i'm so sorry for your loss of your loved makoa.  what you just gave to makoa was the greatest gift of love any of us can offer to our beloved companions - release from earthly pain, illness.  I've always been told that a pet's quality of life is the scale on which to judge whether the time has come for us to assist them across the bridge.  most of our pets will show us in some way that they are tired of pain, the illness or even age.  some won't show it until the end as my roxie did which hurt because then doubt and guilt also crept in my mind about did I do everything I could, was there something else that maybe could have been done, why didn't I notice her behavior earlier.  the simple answer is she showed me she wasn't feeling well when she could and no, there is nothing I could have done differently to change the divine plan that God had already put into place by calling roxie home to him.  not everyone will agree but thinking this way helps me I suppose reconcile a bit with why she couldn't live that much past her 9th birthday.  it's hard for most of us to try to believe we did the right thing at the end but honestly I live with severe chronic pain 24/7 from a failed spinal surgery back in 2002 and my quality of life would not be where it is now without my roxie but it is no where near where it was before the surgery.  when roxie's heart stopped during the ultrasound of her chest at the vet's at first I said yes to cpr being done but for the wrong reason - she was my service dog and I was frightened to be alone, and that was the wrong answer.  also there was no guarantee that she would pull through the cpr or that the revived heart would last or be viable (which it wasn't as she still had fluid in/around her lungs).  we let them go in the end because they are our everything and we love them with every ounce of our being.  doing anything with that much love can't be wrong.  we're all here for each other and we know what it feels like to have to go on without the loved companion that made our lives what it was, so you are in a great loving place.  as for makoa, her spirit is still around you and across the bridge she is now young, healthy and whole again running and playing with new friends where she waits until the day you are reunited.  many many hugs to you!
JerseyNonna
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DoctorGonzo

Our main concern has to be quality of life, it's a painful decision to make, without a doubt. Don't doubt you made the right decision, I am sorry for your loss.

Wes

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Sadiesmom061308
Donna I am sorry for your loss. I know it is excruciating. Your Makoa knows how much you loved her. We are all grieving our babies. I hope you can find some comfort in knowing they are all playing together. Living life on their own terms free of pain and disease.
Sending you hugs
Tammy
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DonnaP
Thanks for all the kind thoughts and encouragement. I am still so lost without my baby, I do not know how I will cope when I go back to work and come home to an empty house. I still wish I had of waited but of course that would have been unfair to her just to keep her here for me. She could not run and play because she didn't have the use of her back legs. We helped her get around for over a year and a half but she was just getting tired out. Peeing and pooping on herself sometimes and us just cleaning her up but through the whole thing she just seemed happy. She trusted me to keep her safe when I took her to the vet and I do feel I let her down, these are just some of the many thoughts going through my head right now.
Donna Proctor
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jimmy17
Donna, I am so sorry to hear about Makoa.  The pain is unbearable at first, grief and guilt all get mixed up until you question yourself more and more about if you did the right thing.  I know I did when I lost my dog almost 16 weeks ago - did I wait too long, should I have given him more time ? Looking back I know we did the kindest thing for Jim, just as you have done for Makoa.    She would thank you if she could, you gave her the last gift of love possible - she will be running around young and healthy once more.
    I was off work for a week after losing Jim,  and I really dreaded coming home to an empty house - surprisingly it actually felt like a little part of him was still there, it was a strange feeling, hard to put into words really - even my husband said he feels the same when coming back into the house.
                          Sending you peace and hugs, Jackie
J Taylor
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Beaglemomma
Everyone has given you about all of the advice there is to give at a time like this.  What is left now is just getting through this deep dark place that we find ourselves.  You might not believe it at first but needing to go to work is probably the best therapy you can have.  As hard as it is, you are forced to get back into the routine of living.  Those of us who are homebound for whatever reason have no distraction for even a short time while the world around us goes on like nothing happened.

It will be difficult for you to come home and not have that greeting that only a loving doggie can give.  Isn't that the most special thing ever, that greeting that says how much they love us?  I doubt any of us here will ever forget that greeting.  Try to hold it close to your heart and remember the love between the two of you.

You DID keep her safe even on that last Vet visit and you gave her the greatest gift of love possible---freedom from pain.  You will see Makoa again.
janice
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LUCYLULU
Donna ~  I am very sorry to read about Makoa. And I completely understand. At the time, your loving & rational brain wanted to do the best for your girl. Her quality of life was not there anymore. Having read everything I could before making a decision about my 14.3 y/o Wheaten Lucy, it was always about quality of life and pain. Lucy had no quality & lots of pain. But I still question my decision. It's because afterwards, when the numbness wears off, we miss them so much.

On one of the unbearable, couldn't function at all early days after Lucy passed, I got an email from Marianne Soucy's website offering 'A Spirit Journey' after pet loss. I must have been on the Healing Pet Loss site but I didn't remember it. Right then, I signed up for the message. Then I watched my em each day. When it came, it was the first day since Lucy passed that I felt OK. Have had plenty of bad days still. But I read the Message from Lucy & most times, it helps. Some folks don't believe. That's OK. Part of the message from Lucy was:

"Life is too short to worry and to suffer feelings of guilt and regret. Know in your heart that I am fine and that I love you. How can an action taken out of love like yours be wrong? Leave your worries behind and embrace the love I am sending you. My love will help you heal and get peace. That is my wish for you.” 

So I am sending Lucy's message to you. Makoa would tell you that she loves you forever! After 4 months, I am realizing, or trying to realize, that the moment we decided to send them to the Bridge, we made the decision out of a place of deep love. None of us-- in a bazillion years-- would ever let anything harm our babies. So if you can, try & remember you chose because you loved Makoa. From what you wrote, she wasn't going to get better...even though our brain tricks us into 'wondering'. She had lost control. Couldn't walk/run anymore. You gave the unselfish, loving gift to your girl despite how hard it was...and still is. Come here often. Extra hugs, Kasey

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cvanduuren
Dear Donna

I am so sorry for your loss. I am in the same place as you. I lost my 2 girls 2 weeks apart a month ago. A week before that both my boys landed up in hospital, one with IVDD and one had a hole in his stomache. In a space of a month my 2 boys landed in hospital and my 2 girls died very suddenly (one was killed by another dog and my other girl put her head through a very small hole in the fence and she got strangled). The question of why and the guilt is so much to bare. My heart is shattered, I am in pieces. I wish I could tell you things will get better, but that would not be right coming from me as I am very heartbroken and am not at that stage yet. As shocking as it sounds, if I didn't have my other babies, I would probably have taken my life. It is too much to bare and the pain is excrutiating. All I am doing now is taking it a day at a time. I cannot think of the future, it's too much. I am only thinking of now. I do not know how long the pain and heartbreak is going to last, but as they say it will never go away, you will only feel better as time passes. What also keeps me going is that fact that I will see my babies again when the time comes for me to leave this world. Best wishes and lots of love, Christine
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Anntolles
I am so sorry for your loss DonnaP. I recently had 2 dogs put down. Tonight is really difficult. I miss them so much. You are not alone. All of us here are at some along the way to coping. Just hearing the stories makes me know what I feel is normal. That helps. We are all in the process of grieving
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Trudijane
Donna,

Just count me in as another person who understands what you're going through and empathize.

Stephen, what thoughtful words. I can't say anything more supportive than that.

TrudiJaneNeiverth
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