Narelle
I lost my best friend and much loved companion last Friday night. Diagnosed with a thyroid condition and a heart arthymia I went constantly to and fro the vet to get his condition under control with the knowledge that he would eventually experience progressive heart failure. Fluid built up (pleural effusion) after 8 months so I opted to have it drained, successfully, 7 weeks ago. He was prescribed diuretics to slow the progression, a beta blocker also prescribed. The pharmacy made an error dispensing the script and doubled the dose of beta blocker from maximum animal dose to human dose. A month later the error was picked up by the next dispensing pharmacist so the slow reduction commenced three weeks ago. Next the vet error was highlighted by a visiting specialist that the beta blocker prescribed and dispensed wrongly was not to be used in cats with heart failure, it worsens/hastens the progression. So last Friday the vet again drained the fluid but a rupture and bleed into his lungs during the process became apparent a few hours after bringing home home. We nursed him at the vet clinic, precious time we needed to say goodbye before they put him to sleep. 
I know his time was limited, another 6 to 12 months at most. But I feel anger at the pharmacy and the vet, they cut his life short, I wasn't prepared to lose him so suddenly. Except for vet visits I haven't left my home for 4 months due to being covid vulnerable, my beloved "bunny" was beside me constantly sharing my pillow at night, always within eye sight, he gave so much love. My only consolation is that he passed purring in my arms with his sad face nestled against me. He knew he was dying and I feel partly responsible for giving him medication wrongly prescribed and dispensed by two trusted professionals. The anguish, heartbreak and immense feeling of loss is with me every minute of day and night.
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grievingmama

@Narelle

I'm so sorry for your loss and the tragic turn your baby experienced after so many months of 24/7 care. Please know you are not responsible for what happened. There were accidents (and I use that word lightly because what you describe is negligence on the part of medical professionals) however you did everything right, for months and years - the entire life of your "bunny". The love, determination to fight and treat and give the best chance to your baby was above what most do. Unfortunately all our strength, will and love cannot control the future. I truly wish it did, because we would both still have our babies.

The reason I say this is because while you are in the throws of intense, raw emotional loss right now, and questioning everything with a sense of guilt + anger + sadness, all of what you're feeling is normal and part of grieving. It is a way we try to make sense of and control the past. Your baby was suffering two very serious ailments at once. When we are desperately trying to treat and save our fur-kids, our focus is so set on that mission that we are not prepared in any way for when a sudden turn in their health occurs, and that causes a lot of shock to add to the grief. I'm glad your baby was purring and being held in your arms during those final moments, know that all your little one felt was secure and loved and that is the best gift you could give. I'm so sorry you didn't get more time together. Please be kind to yourself and allow your heart to mourn your loss. My best to you. 

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Narelle
Thank you for your kind and supportive words @grievingmama

Although he was mobile and happy my days were quite preoccupied with giving him 7 medications separately each day, preparing his food, moving him around on his "magic carpet" in the sun outdoors, constantly checking his breathing remained normal, brushing his coat and spending quality time with him.

His passing was too early, as explained, I ran the gauntlet for weeks trying to do everything possible to fix their mistakes, living in fear that too much damage was done. 

Within an hour of arriving home I removed everything as I couldn't bear to see empty beds, food bowls I could no longer fill, litter trays unused. I spent the night planning his cremation, choosing a commemorative chest, writing a poem for him. In the 4 days that have followed I've printed every photo of him, ordered photo frames and albums and set aside a memory area for him when he comes back home, filled with pleasant memories. Sleep evades me so I sensibly obtained an online script for meds to help me sleep.

I've lost human loved ones but the loss of pets, my second now, eclipses that grief....for me. It's really tough but I will use this forum in the coming months, looking back I will be able to see that I'm slowly but surely healing from the grief of loss and learning to only cherish the good memories.

I'm starting to read through people's posts, yours my first. I am so terribly sorry for your loss, it too is very raw. My thoughts are with you. 
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DDs_Mom_12
Narelle,

You have come to the right place - we all are in pain.  On Saturday, July 11th, I lost my beloved Cat DD.  He was absolutely fine the day before.  At around 5:00 a.m. I found urine on my bed, which he never did.  He looked to be in shock, which he was.  He was taken to the emergency vet, who said his condition was critical, that he was in shock, that he could not breathe, and that she felt a mass in his abdomen.  They were performing CPR on him when they called, and I told them to stop; he died at the emergency vet.  There were absolutely no symptoms or warning - on Friday he was fine on Saturday he was dead.  

You should feel good about all of the care you gave him.  I am so sorry about the mistakes made by the professionals we believe we can trust.  Unfortunately, I was never given a second chance with my DD, but I do wish I had brought him to the vet more than one time a year.  Just like your "Bunny", DD slept by me every night, followed me around the house like a dog, entertained me with his acrobatic skills, and generally gave me pleasure.  Although you can never replace your sweet boy, the pain with time will turn into fond memories.  

Sue
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Narelle
@DDs_Mom_12

Thank you Sue for your supportive words and sharing your story. I'm still learning to navigate this site, finding it difficult to go back to original posts so I'm relying on responses to grasp the story behind what has brought others here.

My heart goes out to you reading how you lost your DD. Cats, from what I've read, are masters at hiding disease/sickness and pain, so often things escape our ever so watchful eye. I had precious time with Bunny, aware for eight months that he had an underlying condition that a some point in time would take him. You didn't have that knowledge, so to have your beloved DD taken so fast and without any warning would have been truly devastating.

Bunny came to me 3 years ago, adopted from a son who had to travel for work. Initially I was apprehensive. I attached to a bird 14 years ago  that the vet pretty much cracked at me for humanising. He had a gut problem so each day for his 4 years I weighed him and if his weight dropped by more than 10% I fed him with a long bubble needle down into his stomach until his weight increased. He mimicked us humans, had little temper tantrums (copying my children) when he couldn't get his own way and decided walking was more suitable than flying. He died suddenly two days after my father passed away, I had to leave him with friends to fly out to the funeral. I felt the grief of losing my bird more than that of losing my father, something I've never been able to comprehend. So taking on another pet was met with apprehension as I didn't want to ever experience the pain of losing another pet again. Each day my love grew, even more so as each day my life revolved around his care.

I got to say goodbye to my Bunny, something you didn't, I do understand how that makes one feel.  These pets become so important to us, we live and breath them, their loss so truly devastating, but in all, the memories are priceless as is the reciprocated unconditional love.

I hope each day you are finding more strength and your beautiful memories of DD grace your days and nights. Thank you for responding and sharing your story Sue. 
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DDs_Mom_12
Narelle,

It is apparent to me that you are indeed a great Pet Parent!   I especially enjoyed your story about your bird, who was a great imitator and much like your children, temper tantrums and all!  I think we all have such incredible love for our companion animals because of their genuine innocence, affection, and unconditional love for us, something hard to find in our complex and self-serving species. 

You are so correct - the vet technician did tell me that one thing she has learned from her job is how cats seem to disguise pain.   

I have had quite a few companion animals in my lifetime.  Each time one died the pain was unbearable.  The pain then subsided and became loving memories.  So this, too, shall pass for the both of us.  

Peace and Comfort To You,

Sue 
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Monroegirl
I'm so sorry for your loss. (((Hugs))) My girl also died in my arms, and it was so very hard. No matter how they go.....it's so very hard. 
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Narelle
Thank you Andrea @Monroegirl
Your Monnie had the most beautiful green eyes. I visited her rainbowbridge residency where you wrote such a touching, loving tribute. Monnie was so blessed to have both you and Billy as her human mum and dad for an amazing 20 years. They leave their pawprint on our hearts forever, I feel your pain and am so very sorry for your loss. 
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Monroegirl
@Narelle Thank you for visiting Monnie's residency and for your kind words. She absolutely did have the most beautiful green eyes. I was so lucky to have her....my sweet girl. 
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borealis

I am so sorry for your loss and can relate to the pain...I read this quote recently and it resonated with me:

"Grief will always be a teacher. It closes a door that was once wide open, and forces you to live in this new structure"

Healing wishes for your heart

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