Jax....know that you're not at all alone, I thought it would start getting easier on day 3, but I'm walking around like a zombie, I guess I am scared of not remembering her, or feeling OK too soon, as she deserves to be grieved, and grieved a lot, she was the joy in my day. Every morning I would get up and look forward to seeing that little face, and whenever I went out I would tell her 'Ill be back soon Lucy' and look forward to seeing her face again when I came home. I'm not sure if I'm being a little too obsessive in my thoughts and actions? I've spoken to several people and it seems their pets had the same effect on them. Maybe I'm scared of it getting easier to be without her? I want to hold her little body next to me again and know I can't...that is the worst thing...just not seeing her.
I started to put up lots of photo's of her around the house, and even my husband thinks I'm being somewhat obsessive! It really hurts. I prayed a lot today...not really knowing what I am praying for, I guess it's because I don't want to hurt this much. When we get her ashes back I have a feeling it will continue for a while :(
I had no idea I would feel this way.
I hope you feel better soon Jax...will you get another cat? I cannot replace my sweet Lucy this soon...the hurt has to diminish before we do.
sending peace to you Jax
I cannot bear to look at photos of her. It's difficult to say her name. I'm not afraid of forgetting her...I'm afraid I won't be able to move on because I loved her so much and she died so tragically that I cannot forgive myself. I'm not ready to never see her again. That thought alone brings me to my knees. In three short years I loved her and cared for her so fiercely that I'm afraid my heart won't heal over her death. I feel guilty I wasn't there for her. I need another cat. Never to replace my girl...but having a kitty in my life balances my soul and brings a calm. Seeing a cats face makes me smile. Their eyes...their soft fur...it comforts me and I believe it will help me with my grief because I feel so alone. Especially at nights when she should be here. I need that company. I have so much love to give. I need the love for a cat in my life to heal the pain of losing another cat.
Peace to you too Lucy xo