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Momma_Of_CiCi

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Reply with quote  #1 
I lost my CiCi on July 15th without warning and no time to say goodbye. I took CiCi to the vet on Tuesday as she was becoming weak and starting vomiting. The vet said her levels were all elevated and she needed to stay at the animal hospital in order to get better. I left her that Tuesday afternoon in hopes she would be better in a few days and I could bring her home. The next morning I called the vet for an update. She said CiCi was still weak and she would continue the IV and medicine to help he get better. At 5:00pm that day I called again and asked if it was okay to come and visit her. I didn't want CiCi to think I had abandoned her and wanted to tell her that I loved her and wanted her to get better and come home soon. The receptionist told me it was okay so I told her I would come on my lunch break the next day which she said would be a good time. I got up so excited to let CiCi know I was praying for her and I would see her soon. When I arrived to work my cell phone rang and the bad news began...Miss Rhonda I have bad news...CiCi did not make it through the night...the tears fell and my heart sank. CiCi was all I had as I lived alone with her. I have never in my life felt so empty inside as I knew no one loved me like she did. I cry everyday and have not been able to sleep in my bed since her passing because she was always lying against my back. I wish I would have had some time with her to make sure she knew how much I loved her and was going to miss her when she was gone....She was my baby girl for 11 1/2 years and the bond we shared was indescribable. I will continue to pray asking God to help ease the terrible pain our hearts are feeling.
 
Hugs and Kisses CiCi  <3 <3

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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #2 
Your beautiful CiCi looks like a wonderful companion.  I know what you mean about the sleeping in the bed issue.  I haven't slept in my be since the 7th when I lost my precious beloved Ted.  I have taken to sleeping on the couch with an extra pillow tucked behind me.  It has brought me some comfort.  I am so sorry you are in such pain and I know exactly what you are going through.  One thing I am sure of is that CiCi knew how much you loved her and would be right by your side if she could but right now, her place is at the Rainbows Bridge with all of the other beloved animals who have received their calling.  Please visit Ted's memorial page, you may find some comfort there.
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My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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Momma_Of_CiCi

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Reply with quote  #3 

CiCi was a wonderful companion and a great joy to have in my life. No matter how my day was going I could count on her to brighten it up. She was always so happy to see me and loved me unconditional. I really have no one to talk to and I am so glad I found this website to help me express how I am feeling inside to help ease my pain. I know my baby is in a better place and she is no longer in pain. I will miss her dearly....

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nicokudo

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Reply with quote  #4 
Momma of CiCi,

I am so sorry about your precious CiCi.  Only time will help the pain that you are suffering now.  Please know that your little girl knew every day of her life that she was special and that she was loved.  I can only imagine how difficult it is knowing that she was physically alone that last night, but never fear, she knew that she was loved!!  Her earthly pains are gone now and she hope that you will find peace with her leaving.  She stands close to you during these difficult days and wants to help her Momma.

Thinking of you.





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shmoobear

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Reply with quote  #5 
Momma of CiCi, I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious baby. It's been a few weeks since I've posted on here, but your post touched me. It's been a little over 16 weeks since I lost my love, a beautiful Siberian Husky named Dakota. He was also 11 1/2, and died suddenly. He was fine, and then got sick one day, we brought him to the ER and found out he had Hemangiosarcoma....masses all over his body, and they had burst. He was basically bleeding to death internally. We had no choice but to let him go. It was the hardest thing I've ever done, and I still feel as if I'm living in some Twilight Zone.

I mostly wanted to say to you that your CiCi knew how much you loved her, she knew that you didn't abandon her. Her life was not made up of that last day....it was made up of 11 1/2 years worth of beautiful days that you shared together. I have so many unanswered questions, so much grief, sadness and emptiness. But one thing I'm sure of is that when you are truly soul mates with your pet, no matter how they go, they go knowing that they were so loved.

I can only imagine how hard it was to get the news, and not be there. But as nicokudo said....she may have not had you physically there....but you were always with her. She was a part of you, and you a part of her. I was with my Dakota when he left on his journey, and I still don't feel a huge sense of closure.

I wish I could tell you that you will be feeling much better in 15 weeks. I don't think it works that way. I can tell you that the complete rawness of it will fade a bit. I was having little panic attacks in the first week, and thankfully those have gone away. But I still cry every day. And if I really let myself, I would be probably sobbing most of the day. I still have surreal moments where I think "he's really not here? that really happened?". But I'm learning to not pressure myself. He was with me for 11 1/2 years...and 16 measly weeks will not be enough for me to find peace.

In the meantime, know that CiCi was loved....that she has started her new journey, and that you will be with her again someday. Much peace to you....
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Momma_Of_CiCi

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Reply with quote  #6 
Thank you both shmoobear and nicokudo for your words of encouragement as they meant a lot to me. As the days go by and its only been 5 I know it will take time to heal my deeply broken and sadden heart. I have been dealing with the empty nest phrase of my life since my boys are now grown and moved out but the most important thing that kept me going was CiCi. I knew she was always here with me and her love was genuine. I loved to take my weekend and just hang out with her keeping it simple and relaxing. I know deep in my heart that everything will be okay for all of us it is just gonna take some time. I'm sure Dakota was a beautiful boy and maybe CiCi has become friends with him. I am so sorry for your loss and I will keep you in my prayers....

Hugs and Kisses Dakota <3 <3
Hugs and Kisses CiCi <3 <3
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Momma_Of_CiCi

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Reply with quote  #7 
At 8:19 am this morning I relived the phone call from the vet in my mind. That is when I was given the news I has lost my preciouse CiCi. I have had 7 days of sadness, emptiness and loneliness. Everytime I come home from work I feel as though I entered the wrong apartment. The love and happiness that us to fill it has now gone to the bridge. She was the light of my life and the sunshine in my day. CiCi you are truly missed and will forever be in my heart. This website has helped me so much and I want to thank you all for being there for me when I had no one else to talk to. God Bless you all....

Hug and Kisses CiCi <3 <3 
Momma loves and misses you dearly <3 <3
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DebbieD

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Reply with quote  #8 

Remembering these awful milestones is so hard. Our Misty was also at the vet without us there when she passed as they were trying to come up with a diagnosis. So I relive the times I visited her those couple days as if they're a lifeline. But it's also hard to think about her like that rather than happy and healthy. Continue to share your wonderful memories of CiCi with us here.

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Mia870

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Reply with quote  #9 

I am so sorry to hear of your terrible loss. It is so heartbreaking to lose your fur child. I too never got to say goodbye and that was so hard for me to think about for weeks and weeks. I have come to a truce with myself, it wasn't my fault she had a heart attack and passed away, it is just life and she knew how much I cherished and loved her. I kissed her nose and told her everyday of her 11 year old life how much I loved her. It is early days for you and the pain is horrific but it does get better slowly, ever so slowly. Please come back and post some stories of CiCi's life with you when you are up to it. I found it helped me to write about Mia's life. My thoughts go out to you xx          


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donnalee

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Reply with quote  #10 
Yes, please share some stories and memories with us about your adorable CiCi.  I'm sure she did delightful and funny things everyday!   My heart truly breaks for all of you who didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye. I am so, so sorry for that.  As all have said here, whether they passed suddenly or lingered, we have to focus on their life rather than those last few days. 
I truly believe they know how much they were loved.  Our furbabies had wonderful lives.  Now, it is hard to go on without them but we find a way because we have no choice.
Rhonda, I'm glad you found this website.  You will find friends here who want to hear all about CiCi.   
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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #11 
I would love to hear some stories and memories of your beloved CiCi.  My Ted used to go down the stairs on three legs.  Why?  Because my dog Jack had leg surgery and was doing it when we brought Ted home as a puppy...that is what he learned from Jack.  Even though Jack stopped when his leg was healed, Ted continued.
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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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Momma_Of_CiCi

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Reply with quote  #12 
Thank you all for your post I really enjoyed reading them. I know we are all going through the same pain some heavier than others and with time we will move forward in life without pain and only memories in our heart. The vet called me today to tell me they received CiCi's remains. I couldn't bring myself to go there to pick her up today as I am unsure how I will react to my baby being in a box...Up until CiCi was in her later years I had to watch her closely when the front or back door opened.....she would dart like a bullet to get outside and my boys when have to chase her down. Most of the time she would run in circles I think just to make them mad and because it was much harder to catch her. I didn't worry too much about cars because we lived in an area where she was safe. I miss you CiCi...R.I.P. my love

Hugs and Kisses Mia <3 <3
Hugs and Kisses Ted<3 <3
Hugs and Kisses Misty <3 <3
Hugs and Kisses CiCi <3 <3
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Mia870

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Reply with quote  #13 

The day I picked up Mia from the vets when they called to say her ashes were ready was a really hard one. My vet was so kind and handed me tissues when I got there, I just cried and cried, but once I got her home and put her on our mantle it just felt right and I did feel more comforted knowing she was with us again. The grieving process is so hard but now I am nearly three months down the track I feel I can finally breathe again and it does hurt less. I will always love and miss Mia every day of my life but I try and remember the good days and it makes me smile. Mia and all of our fur babies here were loved and cherished and that is a lovely thing xx       


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tikibarb

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Reply with quote  #14 
I was a mess the night I picked Ted up.  I didn't sleep well and felt awful the next day.  It is a very hard thing to do.  They just seem so small.  I am happy thought that he is home.  I feel that I have started the healing process.  I hated it when he wasn't here.  I hope things go easy for you.  Ted used to run in circles too...I loved watching him tear around.
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Barbara Lyngarkos
My Beloved Ted 8/7/2005 - 7/7/10
http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/TED001/Resident.htm
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Momma_Of_CiCi

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Reply with quote  #15 
I had been thinking about CiCi all day today because I knew I was going to pick her up this afternoon...not the way I wanted too but she was ready to come home. I was okay inside the vet's office because I always try to be strong in public but when I looked inside the bag it torn my heart out of my chest. Don't get me wrong they did a beautiful job with the accessories they give it was just not how I wanted it all to end. I cried again but I will always do that for awhile to come. I was online last night looking at the pets in shelters that are needing a home but I really do not think I am ready yet. I wish I could help them all...

Hugs and Kisses CiCi <3 <3 
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