BSmith1199 Show full post »
BSmith1199
Thank you for the kind words Ellasdad.  I am happy to see others posting how their own relationships with their *kids* paralleled mine with Dax.  I appreciate your post.  Thank you.

Best of luck to you and I hope things work out for you sooner than later.  It does get better.  It really does.

EDIT:  You know, I just read her story again, and it still makes me tear up, uncontrollably.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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BSmith1199
The many times I have had to deal with the guilt of putting Dax to sleep and then the guilt of realizing her life was cut short because of my ignorance and trust of vets has cost me many nights of sleep.

I know what I fed her caused her to lose years of her life.  I hope others do not make the same mistakes I made with Dax.

Here is another good article on cat nutrition which is very true.  If it leads to one person making their cats life better, then Dax may not have died in vain.  http://feline-nutrition.org/health/diet-kidney-disease-and-the-urinary-tract

One last thing.  If your Vet suggests feeding your cat any knd of dry food, then run, don't walk, away from that Vet.  Whoever it is has no interests in keeping your cat healthy.


For Dax,....
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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BSmith1199
It has been a long time since I have posted here.  I keep hoping I can read Dax's story and walk away smiling, but it still tears me apart.

The Wife has been cancer free for over a year now.  However, she still has a long way to go and may never get back to her previous healthy state, but we have reason to be hopeful.

Jag and Shelby are doing fine.  We have a permanent memorial to Dax in the living room now.  Just her picture and a portion of her blanket wrapped around her favorite toy in front of the picture.  Jag and Shelby do not bother it, which is odd.

I think I may need to simply come to grips with the reality that the pain will never go away, and I'll just have to learn to live with it.  Still,...the Wife and I were at dinner the other night and I started talking about Dax and the tears started welling up.  I just looked at her and said, "Look at me,..this is stupid.  I am a grown man.  Why can't I get over her?".

My Wife put her hand on mine and said, "I have never known you not to go all in when it came to love.  How you can do that after being hurt so many times, is beyond me."  Her reference was to earlier things in my life.

She is a good lady for putting up with me.  I have been blessed to have been loved by those who have loved me.

I am going to finish that tribute if it is the last thing I do.  Jag and Shelby are two years old now!  Damn time is getting away from me.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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Rainy
I just re-read your original post from two years ago, and it affected me now just as much as it did then, if not more so. For what it's worth, I was smiling and even laughing when reading the parts of that original post describing her healthier days.

I had actually been thinking about Dax within the past few weeks and am happy that you posted here again.

As far as the pain goes, when you have loved someone that much for that long, it's going to take a bit of time.

Glad to hear that your wife is cancer-free and that Jag and Shelby are doing well.

Do take note that this thread has also been an incredible tribute to Dax.
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BSmith1199
Bless you Rainy.

I, too, was smiling a bit at her earlier, healthy parts of the story.  Still remembering things, but cannot edit the original post anymore.

Dax's first Christmas.  She was about 6 months old.  When we started getting all the decorations down, she was rather nervous and hid in the kitchen away from the noise.  She emerged as we stood the tree up.  That old tree was 10 feet tall.  We were just getting ready to string the lights, when we turned around and the tree was shaking.

We both looked at each other, about the same time, this furry face emerged from about 3/4 the way up in the tree.  She looked so proud of herself.  Then she suddenly realized,....she could not get down.  I saw the panic come over her face and grabbed the ladder.    She went up higher.  She about a foot from the top when she just flew out of the tree, sending the tree toppling over in the opposite direction while landing in the center of my chest with all hooks out.

We both went backwards off the ladder.  Bless my Wife's heart, as she tossed a sofa cushion where I was about to land.  When I hiit the floor it knocked the wind out of me and Dax sat up in her most dignified pose and expressed a look of, "Yes, I meant for that to happen" and then casually walked off.

After I recovered, we fixed the mess and got the tree all situated.  Dax had disappeared.  As I was hanging an ornament, this flash of fur came flying from the other room and the ornament was snatched from my fingers.  She hit the ground and never missed a beat.  I just looked at my Wife.  She says, "Well we have plenty."  So we continued.

When we were done, we sat back and marveled at the beauty of the tree.  Then Dax came in, walking at a slow pace.  She had the ornament dangling from her mouth.  She looked at me, then to the Wife, then to the tree.  She walked over to the tree and she laid the ornament down and sat down.  She just looked at me and then the ornament.  Ok, I was shaking my head.  No way this cat can be asking me to do what I think she is.

So, I went over, slowly, to where Dax was.  I sat down next to her.  She picked up the ornament and put it in my lap and sat back down.  I picked it up and held it in front of her.  She looked at me, then the ornament, then the tree and back at me.

I put the ornament on the lowest branch and Dax started purring.  When it came time to take down the tree, she came through the room and snagged that ornament off the tree herself. Thus was started a tradition we exercised every Christmas. 

The first Christmas with out her, when I came across the ornament, I lost it.  But, I finally went through the same exercise we went through for all those years.  It still hurts.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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Rainy
What a special memory. An amazing Christmas tradition. I am so sorry that it's done without her nowadays although she's obviously very much in your thoughts when you go through that exercise.
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BSmith1199
You know the second year, when I got out that ornament, I knelt down and held it out, and turned to the Wife, and said, "She cannot possibly remem..." and in mid word, Dax snagged it out of my hand.  I just turned to my Wife and smiled.  She just shook her head and said, "that is an amazing animal".

When I hung her ornament, on the tree, that first year without her, the new little ones simply sniffed at it and left it alone.  While trying to maul everything else in sight.

It is amazing how many things evoke strong memories, even when you move from place to place.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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Chinadoll
Well, BSmith, I read what you posted on China, Nicky and Noel's topic and how it affected you so I found your story and read through it. So now, I'm a mess too. First, thank you for posting on my topic, your kind words about my friends were touching. I'm still on the journey, as most of us are and will be for the rest of our life, that's what happens when you love so deeply. Thank you.

Your story of Dax, I imagine, will stay with me for a long time. You managed to recap his life with such a beautiful story. I actually feel as though I 'know' who he is, all the little things that made him 'Dax'. The different little stories of him made me laugh at times, tear up at others, what a personality he had (and still has). Your descriptions of events are so vivid I could close my eyes and be right there. What a wonderful cat, he blessed you with so many memories and so much love and in turn, you gave him a wonderful life and all the love he needed. I've always felt that my 3 friends left me with the most precious gift they could, their devotion, the love for every moment they were here, and they changed my life forever. I'm not the same person and never will be, I'm better. I'm so glad you posted on my topic, it allowed me the chance to read your story, so thank you. Blessings for peace to you and your family.
Charlie
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Rainy
BSmith1199 wrote:
It is amazing how many things evoke strong memories, even when you move from place to place.


So true.

From what you've been saying, it almost sounds like she had a cat IQ of 180 or something and then was so sensitive too.
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BSmith1199
Bless your heart Chinadoll.  Thank you for the kind words.  I hope you have a thoughtful and safe holiday season.

Rainy, she was, by a large margin, the smartest animal I have ever encountered.  Or at least, the most communicative one I have ever known.  She was so much like a little child.  It just made it all the worse when we had to help her take that final step from this realm.  I will never forget the look in her eyes as she laid on the bathroom counter looking around, trying to figure out what was going on.

I really hate that memory.  It hurts so damn much.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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Rainy
I'm so sorry. I really feel for both of you and the strong emotions that you were both feeling at that time (and, in your case, ever since, especially when things or situations remind you of her).

It's really tough when those final moments are so vivid and are also the last memories that we have.
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shantismom
Your Dax was indeed so very smart and what a nice tradition the two of you had.

Shanti had two things he did, on Halloween he would get up on his kitty condo and watch the kids come trick or treating, he would stay there the entire time until we shut the lights off.
On Thanksgiving as soon as the tablecloth went on he would get up on the table and I would have to push him off when I wanted to set the table.  He didn't lay on the table any other time but for his own reason he wanted to celebrate being thankful with us.
Now our other cat Sable has taken over that tradition and gets up on the table.  She doesn't lay on the table any other time either.
I read your post on my Christmas message page and I do like to imagine our precious babies running and playing together.
Some animals are just a once in a lifetime.  Your Dax and my Shanti are that.  So special, so completely wonderful and so deeply missed.
Marlene
Marlene Wagner
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BSmith1199
They are missed, for sure.

I guess they all find a way to leave their mark.
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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BSmith1199
I cannot believe it has been almost 3 years since we lost our little Dax.  Furthermore, I cannot believe I still tear up reading her story (typos and all!).

Although, it does not hurt as much as it used to.  I am glad I wrote the original post.

Yes, Jag and Shelby are over two years old now.  Whoa!
Smokey (1959-1959, car), Prissy (1966-1968, car), Tina (1955-1974, old age), Rags (1976-1980, stolen), Dax (1999-2015, my choice, due to renal failure), Shelby & Jag (2015)

You only think you are training them.  When they are gone, you finally get it.
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