The Last Times
Zoey: RIP 2000-2016
Why is it that we obsess about the first times we never received until the last times inform us that they will equally take our breath away?
Last April was the last time we skipped out of the vet's office basking in a clean bill of health. That same month the last time I was overjoyed to return home from a trip to see her.
Last week was the last time we had our usual morning routine where she begged me to get up a thousand times and then trotted down to pick which flavor. The last time I rested my forehead on hers and she melted all my troubles away. The last time I just watched her furry sun soaked body as she slept and it gave me the deepest peace and joy. The last time she stole my spot when I stood up to get something. The last time her warm little body smushed over into mine when she was feeling restless at night. The last time she loyally followed me up to bed and patiently watched me get ready. The last time she jumped onto my lap as I drank my coffee and her cuteness made me run late. The last time she did our most favorite snuggle where she sat on my chest and did what we called a "trust fall" flopping into the crook of my arm and gazing sweetly up at me. The last time I loved to see that special look of recognition she had only for us - "those are my people".
This week, the last time my angel baby winked at me when I told her I loved her, even though she couldn't hear me. The last time she lovingly watched her private chef Josh tinkering in the kitchen, never letting him out of her sight. The last time I gently placed her little fragile body on our bed.
This morning was the last time we woke up together and I gazed into her sweet wise startling green eyes. The last time she placed her paw in my hand to console me or maybe it was to receive comfort.
Today was the last time I sighed with relief when I saw her accepting food and enjoying it. The last time I obsessively timed her respiratory rate every hour to make sure she wasn't inching towards the danger zone. The last time I spoke into her fur as I allowed them to take her suffering away.
My radar was always searching for her and hers was always searching for me. And that is the only thing that hasn't had a last time.