Hi everyone, I just put my boxer Lemmy to sleep on Tuesday, April 7 just shy of his 10th birthday. He had what we believe to be a brain tumor but we never had it confirmed with an MRI. He had been displaying vestibular disease symptoms and responded to antibiotics. When he went off the antibiotics the symptoms came back. A blood test revealed that he had hypothyroidism. So we started the thyroid medication and he was fine for 4 weeks. We increased the thyroid dosage and his symptoms started coming back. I was absolutely devastated. His body started shutting down.

I thought we were treating the disease not the symptoms but it did not turn out that way. I'm not sure if I only heard what I wanted to hear when the vet explained things to me and tuned out the potential brain lesion or not. I kind of feel like they sidestepped the brain lesion conversation or somehow were trying to soften the blow. In retrospect I wish they had been blunt and to the point. I may have made different decisions. Maybe I am just looking for someone to blame cause I feel like I did not do enough for him. From what I have read that is a common feeling after euthanizing a pet.

As I am sure many of you on this forum can relate, we are reeling from the loss. Our home is empty. My heart is broken. It is getting a little bit better everyday but then I panic that I am losing memories of him. I still have to go and clean his poop out of the backyard but part of me does not want to. I don't want to wash my clothes that still have his fur on them. Rest in peace little monster. I'll meet you on the other side.
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JoZey, I am so very sorry.
I think we all wonder if we could have done better or worry that we made a wrong decision somewhere along the line for them. Even when we did our very best. I think that is one of the things about grieving.

Many items I never washed, and there are articles of clothing I wore which have my girl's scent on them, and I shall never wash, but keep. I kept her bed too, and her blanket. Unfortuantely I had washed her bed only 3 days before she passed, and that doesn't have much of her scent on it now, nearly 3 years later.

It gets easier to live with but is always a mark on our Souls. There isn't a day goes by I don't miss my girl.

Blessings to you.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer

Misty's life after death:
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Thank you Mistysmama. It really means a lot to be able to share my feelings with others who understand. Not everyone understands the bonds that we form with our pets. I miss him so much.
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