While I grew up with dogs, it was not until I inherited my little Chihuahua Max (Mook) from a friend who passed away.

Max was diagnosed with a heart murmur and chronic heart failure.  The medications slowed the progression but it got to a point he was coughing more and more and had a hard time getting the fluids up from his lungs.

It was 9/9/2020 when he woke us up coughing non-stop.  He was coughing so much fluids up (then swallowing it) that he started to vomit.  We tried for a couple hours to get him to stop, but he couldn't.  I made the decision to take him to the 24 hours vet hospital and have him euthanized. 

While we held and loved him and said our goodbyes, the look of fear in his eyes and him fighting the sedative to the very end just makes me feel that I cut his life short.  The vet said my only options were some drugs and an oxygen tank to try to clear up his lungs but I would buy myself at most, a day or two.

I remember as a kid going with my parents to put the family pet down but I guess I was stronger as a kid than as an adult.  The grief is only echoed in strength by the quiet that has fallen over the house.  I look at his little box of remains and still wonder, did I kill my dog?
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Dear Karykzen it was not you, it was the illness that took Mook. What you insured was that he had could rest. You stopped the stressful situation that was going on in his body and allowed him to feel peace. My girl had those issues too, she was going downhill. You did the right thing. I understand the deafening quiet...I feel that, too...please know you did the right thing for Mook and we are here for you. So sorry for your loss. Mook will be with you forever and knows you love him.
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Dear Karykzen,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Max. In my opinion, you absolutely did the right thing.  This hits home for me because my Chihuahua, Patch, had a grade 5/6 heart murmer and early CHF (stage 2b) due to mitral valve disease.  He was on Vetmedin for 16 months. Heart ultrasounds, X-rays, long drives to cardiologist, monitoring his breathing, etc.  Every day I thought I'd go through what you described and waited for stage 3 or 4 as the onset can happen overnight, but kidney disease came on strong out of seemingly nowhere and took him in February.  I'm still completely shattered and devastated.  

As you know with CHF, there is no cure. You can only manage the symptoms with medication and that's what you did, but they can only be managed for so long.  There was nothing else you could have done to improve Max's condition - it would only worsen and you did the right thing by sparing him. Their little bodies can only take so much, including the meds. A day or two may also not have helped and the added stress being at the Vet in the oxygen tank would not have made it any easier or better for Max. 

I (and everyone on here) truly understand your pain. We never want to say goodbye to our most cherished babies, but you put Mook's needs above your own and did right by your boy.

Sending big (little) Chi hugs your way. ❤
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