Hello, everyone...thank you all for your commiseration and encouraging words. They really do mean a lot.
reovi - I'm sorry I didn't answer your question sooner. I didn't get an e-mail that someone had posted. sorry. I hope you are feeling a little better today…
Tomorrow will mark 2 weeks since Baby got outside and disappeared. This week has been a tiny bit better, probably only because we've been pretty busy and my mind has been on some other things. I’m trying to focus on thinking of her in life and how beautiful and wonderful she was, not on my last images of her at animal control. I’m trying to think of her death in terms of that it was just her time to go, not the circumstances surrounding her death. Sometimes it works. If I let myself think too much about her, the tears and all the sad feelings come flooding back, though. I’ve also shifted my focus onto my other cat, Oliver. That’s helped a little too. I took him to the vet yesterday to get his teeth cleaned and to get shaved because he had horrible mats. He mostly lives outside, so he didn’t get as much of my attention as Baby did. But, that is all going to change now. We’ve had him for quite a while too, almost 12 years.
Yesterday, when I was picking up Oliver at the vet’s, I also picked up Baby’s ashes. I’m surprised by what a small container it is. Just looking at that container made me start bawling in the vet’s office. I couldn’t help it. But she’s finally home now, and when the weather is nicer, we will put her in the back yard with a marker and plant some flowers.
And wouldn’t you know, last night was the first night that I dreamt of her, coincidence?
In the dream, I was walking down a street in my neighborhood with Baby’s ashes in my hands. I had this overwhelming desire to open the container to look at the ashes, so I did. Inside was a plastic bag with the ashes inside. I was intently inspecting them when I looked over in my other hand that held the cover of the container. The cover had changed into another container and inside was Baby’s head and tail, no body. Baby’s head was meowing and licking my hand. (In life, she was not a licker, I don’t recall her ever trying to lick my hand) I thought to myself – ‘she’s alive!’ I looked closely at her face, it was her face that I saw at Animal Control after she had passed, but her face looked content and actually at peace, there was no expression of fear or pain at all, and in the dream I felt so much comfort after realizing that fact. That was the end of the dream…so what do you think? Do you think it was a sign from my Baby that she’s ok?