deedee76
My darling Koby (pug) is dead just over 1 month he was only 6 years old when he passed.   He had been sick for a month or so before hand the vet had diagnosed him with  bronchitis so Koby was put on steroids, antibiotics and cough medicine.   After the course he still wasn't right so I brought him back to the vet and he was put on the same steroids again but for a longer period of time.  I felt the vet was very dismissive but at the same time I was relieved that it was anything serious, this is where the guilt begins....   I was away for a few days and Koby had started to get sick during the night and I thought it was the steroids so I asked my family member who was minding Koby to stop giving him the steroids which they did so I made an appointment with the vet again explained his symptoms said I had taken him off the steroids as I thought maybe they were the reason he was getting sick.   So the vet gave him an anti sickness injection and some more tablets to be taken over the course of a few days.  on that day Koby was in good spirits we had walked up to the vets which was just at the top of my road and he didn't seem in any kind of distress that night he was a little quiet in himself but the following morning he had taken a turn for the worst.   I had work that day why did I go  I should have stayed with him.   I rang the vet as soon as they opened explained my concerns and they advised to bring him in straight away which my sister did.  it should have been me I should have taken I didn't realise it would be his last day on earth. the vet rang and said he had a really bad case of gastroenteritis and they would be keeping him in.  Again I have asked myself a million times why didn't I ask should I come see him why did I go to work, why wasn't I with him... at lunch time I had a really bad feeling something had happened and maybe an hour later I got a call to say Koby had vomited and because he was so weak he had inhaled his vomit into his lungs and died.   I keep questioning if I was with him would it have happened was he scared there (he hated the vets) was he wondering where I was if he thought I had abandoned him in his last moments on this earth.    The grief is always there but the guilt is crippling I feel like I let him down in so many ways has anyone felt this way before?   

Dee

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skmk
Dear Dee,     I'm so sorry to hear about your Koby.  I know exactly how you feel, I felt the same way and I'm sure many people on this forum do.  There is always guilt and the "what if's"  in our grief.  You did not know that was going to be his last day.  My dog died at the vets too and it was a complete shock to me when they told me he died.  I just thought he was having some side effects from being on prednisone.  I too wondered if my dog thought I had abandoned him.  I know it's very painful to think of that.  It is the fact that we're severely missing them that these unpleasant thoughts creep into our minds.  But you really have no reason to feel guilty.  As they say hind sight is 20/20.  We all wish we could go back and do things differently.  I just wanted you to know you are not alone.  I and many know just how you feel.  It's so hard to lose them.

Sending you hugs and wishing you peace,
skmk

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deedee76
Thank you so much skmk for your kind reply i'm sorry for your loss too x

Dee

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