CathyRL
I had to put my little bichon down 2 days ago and I feel as though I can’t breathe at times because it is so painful. He had heart failure and it was just time.... he struggled through his day and I do believe for the last month, I kept him alive for me😢
Once I firmly felt it was time... I took him to my vet and I arranged his goodbye his way. Outside in the sunshine on his cozy blanket with classical music playing for him.
My vet gave him morphine prior to the euthanasia med and I honestly have to say he looked free of any care in the world and he was so relaxed. Enjoying the sun and the vet and I were just loving on him.
She asked me if I was ready and I said yes... it didn’t take much of the medication.. I think he was so so tired... and done.
The guilt and eternal ache now is so dreadful... worse at night bc I have too much time to think about everything!!! His life, the way he gazed at me one last time... I can’t believe I actually agreed to this!!! But I know deep down... it had to be... he suffered.. and I didn’t realize to what extent until he had the morphine. When does this terrible emptiness of loss go away? Does it get better? I am so sorry for all of you who feel this... I lost my dear mother in law last October... and we were very close. That made me very sad... but this is painful... I don’t understand why it is so different......hugs to all who share the same.
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Dalidog
CathyRL...

I read your post with tears in my eyes.  The love you have for your little bichon came through loud and clear.  Your angel is at the bridge with all of our furbabies and the grief at times is hard to bear.  You said it is different...yes...   I think because they give us all their love unconditionally, no matter how they are treated, all they want is our love and they give freely.  That unconditional love is a gift from God and we are blessed.  You are at the right place....the people on this forum understand when others do not.  Until you feel that loss it is impossible to understand where we are coming from.

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Post a picture of your Bichon when you feel ready....such beautiful babies!  My sweet Dali (Lhasa Apso) left me suddenly at 12 1/2 years of age...she had a heart murmur and got pneumonia and although the vet said she would be fine, she died suddenly the next day.  This was 3 yrs ago and it still feels like today.  There is always guilt, I feel guilty for not knowing how ill my girl was.  And that eternal dread you mentioned, those are accurate words.

Take care of yourself.  Everyone says to remember the joy and happy days, that's what they would want.  Easier said than done most days, as we always come back to that last day.  I know they will be reunited with us one day and all will be joyous again.  Write to your little one, talk about your bichon, we are all here and would love to know about him.  His life is important.....all our angels lives are...truly a part of us.  Hugs....and understanding....   What is your babies name?  how old was he?  You are blessed that you were there to send him to heaven and free of pain....

Hugs....Dali's mom forever.


Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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CathyRL
Dalidog wrote:
CathyRL...

I read your post with tears in my eyes.  The love you have for your little bichon came through loud and clear.  Your angel is at the bridge with all of our furbabies and the grief at times is hard to bear.  You said it is different...yes...   I think because they give us all their love unconditionally, no matter how they are treated, all they want is our love and they give freely.  That unconditional love is a gift from God and we are blessed.  You are at the right place....the people on this forum understand when others do not.  Until you feel that loss it is impossible to understand where we are coming from.

I'm so sorry for your loss.  Post a picture of your Bichon when you feel ready....such beautiful babies!  My sweet Dali (Lhasa Apso) left me suddenly at 12 1/2 years of age...she had a heart murmur and got pneumonia and although the vet said she would be fine, she died suddenly the next day.  This was 3 yrs ago and it still feels like today.  There is always guilt, I feel guilty for not knowing how ill my girl was.  And that eternal dread you mentioned, those are accurate words.

Take care of yourself.  Everyone says to remember the joy and happy days, that's what they would want.  Easier said than done most days, as we always come back to that last day.  I know they will be reunited with us one day and all will be joyous again.  Write to your little one, talk about your bichon, we are all here and would love to know about him.  His life is important.....all our angels lives are...truly a part of us.  Hugs....and understanding....   What is your babies name?  how old was he?  You are blessed that you were there to send him to heaven and free of pain....

Hugs....Dali's mom forever.


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Dalidog
Thank you for posting that picture!  Such a beauty...I can see the soulful eyes of your furbaby and know the love he had on Earth and will continue to always have.  They are with us here such a short time.

Your furbaby looks like he ruled your home!  I know that he rules your heart.

Please write to him, it does help.  The memories and the smile and the love he brought to you and will continue to bring is unmeasurable.  I know right now how much you are suffering.  I had to be put on meds when my girl died.  After three years, I still cry at some of the thoughts, places I see, and the loss of so many treasures.  My thoughts and prayers are with you and your little bichon...

Hugs from me and Dali to you and yours.

Dali, as much a daughter as any human...  pure love
Until we meet again

http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/DALI003/Resident.htm

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Romeos_Daddy
It does get better CathyRL...but it takes a lot of time.  Be good to yourself and allow yourself the time you need.  For me, my path to healing is not linear and while overall I feel I am getting better (going on 7 months today), there are weeks, days, hours or moments where it all comes back for me.  Many have expressed this so I am comforted by how normal this truly is.  We are all different but allow yourself the time you need to heal and more importantly mourn as this is key to healing, in my humble opinion.  I have lost friends and family in the past and nothing prepared me for the loss of my dog.  He was my everything and I was his, there are no human-human relationships like this, not for me at least and there will always be scars on my heart that will reflect the depth of feeling I have for Romeo and the loss that was created.  In time, I hope the scars will be more like badges of honor as I remember how special my good boy was to me and how much god must truly love me for giving me such a gift, if even for what seemed like a short time.   Take care.
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