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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #76 
Hi, Bruce! It's great to hear from you again! I hope you and yours are all doing well despite the circumstances. Sadly, my 2nd eldest cat Geronimo passed away suddenly a month ago, the 18th of Nov. I've got his urn next to Raven's now, so I can talk to them every day. I had a totally different relationship with him than Raven, as all cats are different, but I miss him just as much.
Don't worry about your actions being "normal." Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine. I kiss Raven's urn, and now Mo's too. I talk to them, and still cry, especially at this hard time of year. It's just an extension of the love we had for them when they were here with us. It means you're a loving person, with a big heart, who loved Chandler so very much. That's a wonderful thing, and nothing to feel bad about.
I sincerely hope you and your loved ones have a good holiday season. These firsts are the hardest. May Chandler's love fill your heart and bring you peace and comfort now and into the coming year.
Blessings and hugs, Marie and the crew 🐱🎄🐺
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #77 
Yes, I remember Raven was sick last Christmas too and it was always at the back of my mind that it would be our last Christmas together. I'm in total agreement. It is what it is and there's no right or wrong way to go about the grieving process. Love is love and these wonderful souls will forever be missed 🐱🐺❤
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gizmomybaby

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Reply with quote  #78 
Hi Bruce nice to hear from you x Iam at the 4& a half month and myself is finding it difficult, I came of hear for a while as a wasn't coping at all x I think this time of the year is hard and it being our first Christmas without our baby's . Wee are also with out fur baby's probably more than humans so its a deep bond x am worst than what I was when I lost human family & friends x Iam so sorry to gear about your father n law and your sister am sending love and hugs and plz know am with you here as its only months its still early days for us x Annemarie
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #79 
You all have been wonderful, and my heart goes out to all of you. I meant to reply to you all many, many times, but kept delaying it because of life stuff... work, home, bills, travels, etc. I am so sorry.

Tonight, my heart is burdened because Chandler's sister Phoebe died today. She worked so hard to give me extra love after Chandler died. Over the past 8 months, a once very timid and unapproachable cat became my saving grace. She followed me around the house, wanted to be with me no matter what I was doing, and even let me hold her for hours at a time. While I grieved for Chandler, she was there to love me unconditionally.

On Sunday, she grew very ill. I kept hoping it was just "regular" sickness, but last night she just wanted to lay by me, wouldn't eat or drink, no purring or meowing, and I was terrified the end was near. I stayed home today to be with her, and was able to get her an appointment with the doctor. She was gravely ill by then, and at 4:14 this afternoon I hugged and kissed her as she drew her last breath.

Tonight, Chandler and Phoebe's mother looks at me with a forlorn sadness I cannot describe, my heart feeling shredded that the grief starts all over again, and I realize just how sick I am of being sad.

God Bless you, Phoebe Jeanne (Yes, she had a middle name). Love to all of you, and thank you all once again. :-(
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #80 
Oh, Bruce! I am SO, SO very sorry to hear about little Phoebe! To have to bear this pain all over again is just too much. I lost one of my other cats, Geronimo, just before Thanksgiving, so dealing with 2 losses is unbearable. My heart just hurts for you right now! Phoebe knew how badly you needed her after Chandler passed, and gave you all her love. That's something that can't be replaced. All kitties are different but they're all capable of loving us, even when the rest of the world turns away from us.
Give India lots of extra love at this time. She, too, is grieving. And just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers right now. We may always hold our dear ones in our hearts, but I know we'd rather hold them in our arms as well.
Again, I'm just so sorry. Sending you all my blessings~Marie and the crew 🐱❤🐺
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #81 

Marie,

Thank you so much for your kind words -- you always know just what to say and how to say it. Please accept my deepest sympathies regarding Geronimo! My heart hurts knowing that you, too, have had to endure this horrid experience again. I cannot imagine it ever gets any easier, and I certainly don't want to go through this enough to find out.

Losing Phoebe has been especially traumatic. For one, she had become such a different little girl since Chandler's death. I always did adore her, but I honestly don't know how I would have gotten through these last 8 months without her. She became a lap cat, always wanting to be on my lap or at least right next to me, and was the sweetest little "talker" I've ever heard. Never have I seen a cat like to talk like she did, and she had the most wonderful little voice. Knowing I will never get to see, hold, or hear her again is more than I can bear.

And secondly, it was so unexpected. On Saturday, she was fine: affectionate, energetic, talkative. And then on Sunday, she was listless. Wouldn't eat or drink. The next day, she was a bit better; she ate some food, drank some water, and seemed a bit more mobile. By Tuesday, she was barely moving at all, and yesterday she couldn't even stand anymore. I knew I had to take on her pain, as there was no way I could let her suffer any longer. As with Chandler, I was the first thing Phoebe saw when she was born, and the very last thing she saw before she closed her eyes that final time. I am so, so, so heartbroken right now.

Thanks again for your sweetness, Marie, and my love and hugs to your entire crew.

Bruce

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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #82 
Thank you so much, BonniesMum, and it is so good to hear from you. I truly hope you are doing well... we've all been through a lot with these loved ones. Yes, losing Phoebe was so shocking that I think -- if it's possible -- I feel an even deeper pain than I did with Chandler, or at least in a different way. Thank you again for your kind words. You continue to be in my thoughts, as well.

Bruce
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #83 
Bruce,

A few minutes ago, I read a beautiful metaphor you had written to someone else in this forum that touched my heart. So I thought I would come over to great you.

Bruce, I felt heartbroken when I read your story about your beloved Chandler (what a loving "person" if I may say so) and the very strong bond you both were so lucky to share. What a terrible loss!

Now, having reached your final posts, I am left speachless not really knowing what to say. Nothing of any wisdom that could possibly soothe your pain. So please, accept my wordless hug.

Please, take very good care of yourself

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Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #84 
You're so welcome Bruce. Looks like we both got the same raw deal. I agree, I doubt it ever gets easier. Geronimo was a totally different cat than Raven, so I loved him in a totally different way, but I still feel his loss just as acutely. Your little Phoebe sounds so precious. I almost felt as though I knew your cats by hearing you talk about them. It's just awful. No other way to put it.
The sadness we feel now is the happiness we felt before. Taking on their pain is about the bravest thing we could ever do, but it never gets easier. Every kitty should be as lucky as yours were, and still are, to have someone put their needs first, and love them as you do. Chandler, Phoebe, Raven and Geronimo are our guardian angels now, and will never truly leave us, out of the gratitude they have for the love we shared with them.
Blessings to you 🐱🐺
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #85 
Dear Purzel,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your beautiful reply. On a cold, pain-filled night, your warmth is appreciated more than you know. I am blessed with the wonderful souls I have met here. I am now going to read your story after I send this, and give you back many wordless hugs. Thank you so very much.

Bruce
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #86 
Marie, Once again you are so right. We did both get a raw deal, but I especially love what you said about our sadness now being the happiness we had before.

Wouldn't change a thing. As much as it hurts -- now the wound reopened because of dear sweet Phoebe-- I would go through it all again. Not only because of the love they so easily gave me, but more because they were and are loved more completely than even some people ever get to experience.

Many hugs to you, Raven, and Geronimo. I know they are already playing with Chandler, Phoebe, Kaddagh, Dante, Max, Amber, and the many other loved ones of our friends on here. Love and prayers.
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #87 
My baby Phoebe. My heart hurts.

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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #88 
The night before she died, Phoebe was comforted by her mother, India. This picture will be forever in my heart.

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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #89 
Hi Bruce,

I just read about your recent loss on someone else’s thread. I wanted to stop by and tell you how sorry I am for your loss of Phoebe. She looks like a beautiful cat, I really love her markings! Our hearts hurt with you for what you’ve been through the last few months and now currently. I know you already know you’re in the right place. Keep hanging in there and many hugs to you.

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Val
—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #90 
Tonight. 2 days since Phoebe died. I picked up her ashes today, and have them right next to me in the scatterbox until I get a permanent urn for her. India is so heartbroken I feel helpless. Trying to love on her -- a very gentle, loving, and thoughtful girl -- but she will have none of it. Her baby is gone.

That ole grief is crashing down on us tonight. Poor India is alone, and she knows it. She grieved for Chandler, but she still had Phoebe and still treated her like a kitten anyway. She and Chandler had a more... umm... "adversarial" relationship, even though he was her son. With Phoebe, though, she still ate and slept and bathed and loved. Her crushing pain is evident.

As for me, I am in a fog. I made a comment yesterday that Phoebe's death reopened the wound left when Chandler died. I take it back. It's not the same wound opened, but rather, a brand new one. Not the same.

Also been on a pity-myself binge today, and I HATE that. Never have I been one to feel sorry for myself, and I didn't want to start now. Oh, I disguise it by claiming the death of my sister and partner's father, accentuated by the two cat's deaths in an 8 month period, but really, that's a damn lie. All I can think of are Phoebe and Chandler. And mostly Phoebe right now.

Beer helps. And tonight I am having many of them.
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