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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #61 
BonniesMum is right. I've been writing down stuff about Raven so I don't forget anything about her. I talk to her urn. I talk to her around the house, asking her for strength, for help with stuff. You've just got to do whatever you can to get through. You're not going crazy, even though it feels like it. When love is this strong, it's impossible to just let go. I don't really think we're supposed to.
Hope to talk to you guys soon! 🐱
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #62 
A belated hello to all.

Haven't been on here lately. My sister with ALS died on the 1st, so I have been preoccupied.

And yet, as much as I grieve for my sister, I am still overpowered by how much I miss Chandler. As I said before, no one knows this except this forum. I can't believe that after 12 weeks, I still miss that damned orange cat so painfully...

But then, yes, I do. He was with me every day. Unlike his mom and sis, he climbed onto my chest EVERY day to nuzzle underneath my chin. He laid on my chest EVERY night until I fell asleep, then he'd climb onto my pillow and wrap himself around my head until I got up the next morning. He followed me all around the house, just to be with me. I still hear his high-pitched, sweet little meow when I would look at him and say, "What's up, Chandler?"

Damn, how I miss him. :-(

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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #63 
BonniesMum, I know you understand, and how very much you love Bonnie. I am caught in a world where people may SAY how much they love animals, yet they demonstrate confusion as to why the loss of these animals hurts so much. My relationship with Chandler was not something others can appreciate. YOU know, though, how I and countless others on this forum actually feel, because you are going through it, too. Thank you so much for your reply... I am hoping that strength and comfort find us both soon.
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #64 
Bruce, I'm so sorry to hear about your sister! I hope you and the rest of your family are doing ok.
I know what you're talking about. It's been just over 5 months since I lost Raven and I can't believe how much I still miss her. I haven't cried as much lately but I still have my moments, and the tears still sneak up on me once in a while. My human friends have had some unpleasant stuff going on in their lives, and of course I care, but it's like I'm on this island where the only thing that matters is missing her.
When you love someone as much as we love these precious babies we shared our lives with, that love isn't something to be taken lightly. Sometimes they're the only ones who are truly there for us in the truest sense of the word. Chandler was your "heart cat," just as Raven was, and now, it turns put, Roswell is becoming for me. When they leave us, part of us goes with them. That's a void that can never be filled.
I hope you and yours are holding up ok. I'm so sorry about your sister. I hope Chandler, Raven and all of my family are making her feel welcome right now, and they all will be watching over us. Give India and Phoebe hugs from us, too.
Blessings to you 🐱
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #65 
Thank you so much, BonniesMum and Marie123. Your condolences about my sister are very appreciated. I was able to be with her until the end, and I am comforted by that. She was given 3 to 5 years, but lasted only 104 days after being diagnosed. Thankfully she is no longer suffering.

But just as I take solace in that, I do the same for Chandler. He was so ill and never would get better, so taking on his pain was a no-brainer. That's the price we pay for this extremely temporary relationship we get with our furry babies. Hurt much? You betcha it does. And it hurts differently than losing my folks and two siblings.

Thinking of you, and again thanks for your sweet replies.

Bruce



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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #66 
That's so true about taking on their pain, Bruce. I have to remind myself of that once in a while as well. And in many cases we've given them a better life than they might have had otherwise. Raven was part of a colony of semi-feral cats a neighbor of a "friend" (some friend!) I had was caring for. I got her as an Easter gift. I could've said no thank you I don't want another cat. But then what would have happened to this tiny kitten? I would have wondered that my entire life, and felt guilty and terrible. We give them all the love they otherwise wouldn't have gotten. That's a beautiful thing, a love that can never be erased or taken away.
My thoughts and prayers to you now 🐱
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #67 
I know things have to get better. I am going to seek counseling this week...

My sister died a few weeks ago. My parents and brother are gone. I survived a brain tumor. And now my partner's father has been given 3 months to live. I continue to project strength and endurance, and will keep doing so, but....

... Chandler has been gone 15 weeks. This little orange CAT captured my heart like no one or nothing has ever done. I don't understand what I am feeling, or how to reconcile it. I thought I would be so much better by now.

Thinking of all of you with your losses. If anyone can appreciate what you're feeling, I definitely can. :-(
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #68 
Hi there, Bruce. It's always good to hear from you! It's been a mess though, hasn't it? That's awful about your partner's Dad! I'll send my prayers your way.
It's been 6 months last Sun since I said goodbye to Raven and for some reason I miss her more than ever. Like you say they can capture your heart like nobody else ever could. That's because of their pure, honest love. You just don't get that with humans. Raven was there through a lot of things the humans in my life could've, and did, walk out on me for. Your relationship with Chandler sounds so similar. I'm so sorry you or anyone else has to endure this kind of pain. It's the worst pain in the world.
Thinking of you. When I light Raven's candle next time I'll include you and yours in my prayers as well.
Blessings from Marie and the crew 🐱🐌🐊
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #69 
Thank you, Marie! I know how much you understand this. You certainly have a group of your own, and although you cry for Raven, you persevere because of your many other beloved babies. I am having such a hard time with this, and I don't understand it. When my parents died, I thought that was horrible beyond belief. Losing my daughter would do me in. But each day when I try to comprehend Chandler being gone, I am reduced to rubble and a whole bunch of tears. I didn't even like cats until his mother adopted me!!! I know I will be fine, but I hurt so much right now. You're a real blessing to me and I hope Raven and Chandler are whooping it up right now. In fact, I am sure they are!
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #70 
I bet they are too, Bruce! For some reason losing Raven has been harder on me even than the loss of my parents, grandparents or anyone else. I wonder if maybe it's because I got her a few years after my Mom died, when my depression was the worst. And then she was there through everything else that happened. It's more like they take care of us, not the other way around. I really can't explain the connection we had and still have. I've got that now with little Roswell and my big guy Argento. Just last week Argento kept me from stepping right on a copperhead in our driveway! I'd say Raven is giving him a course in being a guardian angel!
I understand what you mean though. I think it's just the pure love these animals give us that makes it so hard to lose them. They love us when the rest of the world says forget it. That's a beautiful thing.
I hope your other kitties are doing well and that your counseling goes ok. And I'll say an extra prayer for your partner's Dad. Keep us all posted on how you all are doing. It's great to hear from you. You're always so kind to everyone here!
Blessings 🐱🐺
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #71 
Hi, Everyone,

Haven't been here for a few weeks, and I hope you are well. Losing a loved one is so difficult, whether in human or animal form. My heart goes out to anyone suffering from loss, whether it be human or animal or anything else. This forum has been my Godsend.

Still feeling the sting of losing Chandler. Closing in on 5 months and I am still not doing this very well. How do you all deal?! Chandler died in June. My sister died in September and my partner's father died a week ago, but I am still devastated by my buddy Chandler?!?

Even my partner says he understands. Chandler was part of my everyday life. He was my boy. He was everything to me. My daughter was so worried about me when Chandler died. And I didn't even LIKE cats before Chandler's mother came into my life!

I don't expect any life-altering responses here... I just needed a moment to share. Thank you to everyone who has been there -- not only for me (you know who you are!) but for everyone feeling lost and empty for losing your non-human (but no less, and sometimes even more important) loved ones.

Bruce
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #72 
Hey there Bruce! It's great to hear from you! It's so true what you said. It's been 7 months the 8th and I'm still ripped apart over Raven. I'm trying some anxiety and depression meds but so far all they've done is upset my stomach and make me even goofier than I already am! I'm thinking about counseling too but I'd have to find someone who really "gets" my situation. I think everyone here does a better job of that, honestly. Can't hardly think about holidays right now either.
I mostly just try to put on a brave face and charge ahead for my girl. I don't think it ever really gets better. We just get better at concealing our grief and just try to function as best we can.
I hope India and Phoebe are doing well. My gang is crazy as usual. Give yours a big hug from me and I hope you have a blessed Thanksgiving and feel Chandlers love all around you, bringing you comfort.
Blessings from Marie and the crew 🐱🐌🐊
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #73 
Marie,

You are so awesome and I thank you more than could possibly know! I do understand and appreciate what you're feeling and have been through! I really believe your love for Raven is equivalent to mine for Chandler. I know your heart is broken, my friend. Doesn't mean you love your existing brood even less -- I can tell you adore all of them -- but Raven stole part of your heart none of them can ever begin to replace. And you are also right that we get better at "concealing our grief. Sadly, it shouldn't be that way.

Love is love. You will always grieve for Raven, and I for Chandler, and nothing will change that. But above all of that, we will ALWAYS love them! They were and always shall be part of us!

Thankful for you, Marie. Hugs to you.
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #74 
Same here, Bruce. You gave Chandler and his family a home, even though at the time you didn't like cats. That's a wonderful thing! India and her little ones wouldn't have stood a chance without you being kind to them. It was the same with Raven. She was part of a colony of semi-feral cats and I just hate to think what would've happened to her if I hadn't taken her. Little Roswell is rapidly becoming my little princess now, but she's got her own niche in my heart that's Roswell shaped. The Raven shaped hole can never be filled again, just like the Chandler shaped hole in your heart will never be. Each animal is different, and can never be replaced.
Many thanks and blessings to you and your crew! 🐱🐺❤
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #75 
Going on 6 months here.

Yes, I am better. Yes, I am doing well. Yes, everyone else in my life sees that I am still the same old Bruce.

The only -- ONLY -- people who know how I feel -- are all of you.

I have a difficult time reconciling this, even with myself. Is this okay to still be crying myself to sleep? Kissing his urn twice a day? Seeing his mother and sister and knowing I love them, but thinking to myself, "You're not Chandler"? I think not.
.
Everyone else thinks I am fine, but I am not. God, I miss that little guy. Thanks so much to all of you.
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