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sma23

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Reply with quote  #211 
Bruce,

She has been enjoying it so far. Most of that is because we were so focused on her brother, even before he had his problems, but now since he’s been gone, she’s transformed from this quiet cat into a loving and much more vocal one. She still has her rivalry with the dog - I honestly don’t know what it is about her that has her so ticked off? Lol, yet he still tries to play with her. If only he knew

How have you and India been doing? Sending you all the love and hugs.
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #212 
Sma,

India is doing well. She has been enjoying the attention she had before Phoebe and Chandler were born, but sacrificed when they came along. Follows me everywhere, and I love it!

Give Zoey a hug (and a head scratch) from me!
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #213 
Hello, all. Hope you're all doing ok. I've had the same thing with little Roswell since Raven had to leave. She's always been sweet, but these days she's like my little shadow. Always on my lap, and like you both have said, much more talkative. It's like Raven told her to be there for me after she was gone. My 3 boys are that way, too , since Mo passed away, but Roswell has been the one who's undergone the biggest transformation. Plus, being the only girl cat now, she's the little princess lol!
I'm glad to hear from everyone and that you're doing ok. Give India and Zoey big hugs from me!
Blessings 🐱🐺
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #214 
Recently while I was at work, the front lobby called me to say a couple was here to see me. As I work at a university, I assumed they were a student's parents. I went to the lobby to get them. They were a good-looking couple: a very petite woman with beautiful hair and sparkling eyes, and a handsome, husky guy with a face anyone would trust immediately.

I escorted them to my office and asked how I could help. The woman smiled at me, then looked at the man and said, "He doesn't recognize us." The man looked at me with genuine concern and said calmly, "We're Phoebe and Chandler, and we love you, but you need to get a grip."

Of course, this was a dream. It woke me instantly, and I sat up in bed. My subconscious was telling me something.

Since then, I have been striving to be better. The days may still feel empty, but I felt I needed to concentrate on living, rather than grieving. I will always love and miss them, but I need to move on. I have a daughter who needs me. And my partner who is also my best friend. And of course, Phoebe and Chandler's mother India, my little angel.

Fast forward to this week. I had to attend a conference out of state, and while traveling I was not only whacked once again by the ole grief stick, but damn near pulverized by it. Came out of the blue, no warning, and for the last 4 days I have been a friggin wreck again. Phoebe has been gone 2 months last Saturday, and Chandler 10 months tomorrow.

This rollercoaster is unrelenting.

Just my thoughts here this evening, and wanted to share. Thanks once again.

Bruce
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sma23

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Reply with quote  #215 
Oh, Bruce, I'm so sorry to hear that.  I'm sure both Phoebe and Chandler know that you miss them dearly.  It's never easy when you have to put your strong front up while inside, you're just a wreck.  Believe me, I have experienced that before.  Though, not with a beloved pet passing away, but you get the idea.  You just have to stay strong.  I know it's been hard without your sweet Phoebe and handsome Chandler. 

India isn't my kitty, but I can tell this has been hard on her as well. All I can say is, it's okay to feel like a train wreck.  It just means you were very attached to them and there's nothing wrong with that. Wherever Phoebe and Chandler are, they're looking over you. I'm glad you still have India there to keep you company.  I can get the hint she misses her kids very much, but she still has you to keep her spirits up. 

Oh, dear has it been a month already since Ziggy had to be put down? That can't be right, considering he was put down on the 30th last month. LOL. I miss my goofball.  It's been over 4 and a half weeks since then and these days, I expect him to meow at me when I ask him a question.  I still expect to hear his collar bell jingling when he walks around the corner of the kitchen to come and sit on my lap. To know he's never going to do that again breaks my heart every time, but I've been managing. Zoey, for the most part, she's been getting more attached to me and has been making attempts to. 

It helps to know I still have another cat, his sister, to focus my attention on other than the dog, and she's been enjoying her time in the spotlight.  She's also been enjoying the fact that she isn't picked on anymore and has all the space she could ever want. To this day, I haven't thought about getting another black cat yet, considering Ziggy was just put down last month, but I'm sure I'll eventually get one in the later future. In a year or 5 maybe. 

Sorry for the late response. It was a long day today for me. I had to make a trip to the hospital (OHSU if you're wondering where I am) for some programming on my new cochlear processor.  It took a while, but it's all been finished. Now, I can only hope my brain adjusts to the new sound and volume after having to live off of the low sound on my old processor for two weeks, which was pretty hectic considering I'm in the middle of the term for school.  I hope you all are doing well!
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #216 
Man, Bruce, do I know how you feel with the "grief stick." It hit me out of the blue today too, just driving home from my friend's house. I started crying, and reliving those horrible last few days before Raven passed. Spring is a constant reminder for me now, and for some reason the green grass, the flowers, the warmer weather, hold nothing but sadness now, and I've been a mess. I go through the motions, but my brain is always elsewhere.
The best I can say is I agree with Sma. It's ok to feel like a train wreck. Grief isn't measured in time. There's no appointed moment when we need to drop it and move on. Our hearts don't work like that. I've been up and down more these past couple weeks than I'd care to say. It's awful, but it is what it is. I figure if the people around me truly love and care about me, they'll understand.
How is India doing? I've been thinking about her. And Sma, how's Zoey? My crew is doing ok. Good to hear from you guys, anyway. Sending all my best to you and yours. None of this is easy, but at least we've got one another to lean on!
Blessings 🐱🐺🐌


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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #217 
Bruce,
Wow - what a fantastic dream and the way you wrote this was so so vivid, it moved my heart. Thank you for sharing this.
You are so right - concentrating on living rather than grieving. I think this is what your dream meant to say to you.

I fully relate to what you wrote later in your post that the grief just returns here and there like some club to hit you right into the heart. Same happens to me without any warning - I guess this shows us how much we are missing them.

Hope your days get better - just think of your beautiful dream and what it meant to tell you.

My good thoughts are with you and your family

__________________
Silvia (with Max forever in my heart)

[hundi]


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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #218 
Dear sma, Marie, and Purzel, and countless others from here, thank you for your kind words over a month ago since I was last here. My intentions to respond sooner are always the best, as you have been instrumental in getting me this far. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Two cardinals -- a Male and a Female -- have been frequenting my patio for the last 3 weeks. The female keeps pecking at the patio door. Knowing cardinals carry messages from our departed loved ones, I call out for Phoebe and Chandler. They always look at me through the window, stay there for a moment after I talk to them, and fly away only to return the next evening. If India is in that room, the female cardinal stays even longer. I know it's my babies.

The last couple of days, India has become exceedingly reclusive. She doesn't respond to love or affection, and I am terrified I am about to lose her. Chandler died only 11 months ago, and sweet Phoebe only 3 months ago. I know India is grieving for them, but given the last year's losses I am sick with worry.

As always, thanks for being there, everyone. Don't know what I would do without being able to talk to you.
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sma23

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Reply with quote  #219 
Bruce,

it’s good to hear back from you. I would have responded as quickly as I could, but schoolwork made it hard for me to. I love how you described the cardinals bringing messages from your loved ones. It’s never happened with me, but gosh, that is heartwarming.

I am so sorry to hear India not wanting the love and attention the past few days. I can tell she misses her kids deeply. All I can tell you is that, if you fear the worst, which I hope isn’t the case here, seeing that you two have each other to help in the grief, maybe try to talk to her? I’m not an expert here, but the news about India is heartbreaking. May I ask how old India is? I know you’ve said it many times before, but a lot of things came up and I forgot about it. My apologies.

Other than the fact I’m sick with a bad cold and cough, I’ve been holding up well. As of yesterday, Ziggy’s been gone for 2 months. Not a day goes by where I still expect to hear the sound of his collar bell ringing and his chirps as he runs to me. For the most part, it’s been quiet without him. Zoey’s taken his place as the sole cat in the house. She’s been vocal lately, mostly because she wants food, but it’s a sound I came to appreciate. In a little over a month, she’ll be 11 years old. Not a young cat, but she is still very healthy.

I send you all the hugs I can give to you and India. I know it hasn’t been easy.
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #220 
Sma,

Thank you so much for your reply. I hope you are feeling better, especially because colds can be so punishing. They may not be curable yet, but they are sure miserable! Hang in there, friend.

Ziggy has been gone 2 months already? Doesn't seem that long ago since you first posted. Time gets away from us, whether we want it to or not. Zoey has sure taken her own place, no doubt, and is loving the extra attention. Bless her heart.

India is my girl, and I am hopefully being paranoid about losing her. One of my dear friends from this forum has a kitten she is willing to give me, actually one that I helped to name, and I am thinking about taking her up on that offer. No one at all can ever replace Phoebe or Chandler, and I would never even try, but if I can make India (and myself...who am I kidding) a little happier with giving more love, what's wrong with that, right?

Hang in there, Sma. Thank you for being here. Hoping you are well!

Bruce
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sma23

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Reply with quote  #221 
Bruce,

It certainly doesn’t help having it right when exams are coming around in a week and a half. But I’ve been attempting to recover from it soon. And it honestly has. I still can’t believe it’s been 2 months. I get sad from time to time, but for the most part, I’ve accepted it. It hurts knowing he isn’t there to greet me anymore, but I’m happy he’s free to do whatever he desires up there.

It’s okay to feel paranoid. I know I did when I found out Ziggy wasn’t doing well and it was a likely chance he would never recover. Personally, getting a kitten to brighten me up after a sudden loss would be too soon, but I honestly think this could work for the two of you. From the sounds of it, India deserves another cat to be around, even if it’s not her kids. There’s a chance she may react, considering when we brought Ziggy home as a kitten for the first time, Zoey didn’t take too well to him.

All I can tell you is, if you think it’s worth it, then go for it. Whatever will make you and India happy.

And thank you. I hope everything goes well for you!
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #222 
Hi, Bruce, Sam, and the rest of you too! It's good to hear from you again. Isn't it odd the signs our loved ones send us? Right around the time of Raven's one year anniversary, a mockingbird showed up and sang very close to the house. I used to sing the lullaby "Hush Little Baby" to Raven when she was tiny, and even when she was older to calm her on car trips. One of the lines was "Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird." I hadn't had one of those near the house for awhile, but there it was! I bought a figurine of a mockingbird and put it by her and Mo's urns so I could say I really did buy one!
Bruce, I just love the story about the cardinals! I know that it's your Phoebe and Chandler sending their love. I'm sorry to hear India is being so reclusive. It's so worrying when they act that way! Like you said, maybe a little kitten would help her. I've got a stray coming around now, a big pale yellow and white cat, whom I've named Freddy Cougar. So far nobody's getting along too great, but it'll take time. Kittens are usually easier to integrate than adult cats though, so if you take this one I'm sure you'll have better luck! Please keep us all posted on how India is doing.
Sma, I hope you're doing ok too. Summer colds can be miserable, especially when our hearts are sick as well. Raven used to chirp like that too, and when she was mad or excited she'd swat at me and make this weird alien sound "Ak-ak-ak!" How I miss even her mood swings! They sure are entertaining.
Anyway, it's so good to hear from everyone. Hope to talk again soon. I feel bad not being able to respond to more folks, but it's been one thing after another and I have to grab my moments when I can lol!
Again, all my best to you,
Marie and the crew 🐺🐱🐌
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sma23

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Posts: 43
Reply with quote  #223 
Hey, all.

I hope the summer’s been treating you well. I’ve finally managed to get over my cough and cold and was able to pass my exams. As a result, I have basically 4-5 weeks off before my next term starts, which is supposed to be difficult, considering it’ll be all 5 days of the week for the next 4 weeks. I can’t say I’m looking forward to it, but if it gets the requirement fulfilled, then I’ve got to do it.

I’m sure some of you remember myself mentioning I hadn’t cried about Ziggy since the day he died. It’ll mark 3 months since he passed away in a little over a week. Since then, I’ve been holding up alright. His sister Zoey’s been very attentive and she’s been enjoying her much larger space that used to be shared with him. These days, I have to wonder, does she miss him? Does she have any regrets like I do for not being able to save him in time? But even then, I tend to go back to remembering that he had health issues for so long (it didn’t show up until he was about 8 years old) and that it was inevitable, regardless of what we could do to help him.

This morning, I had just woken up from a mostly good dream that turned sour once I started remembering all the good times I had with Ziggy: how he loved catnip - he was wild over it - he loved jumping and curling on my bed as well as looking out my bedroom window. He once ate a cooked hotdog off the kitchen counter to my amusement. He enjoyed laying in the sun and watching everything in his backyard. Most of all, he loved greeting me when I got home from a school-related event or my job. (I’m tearing up a bit as I type this). All thoughts came rushing back into my head once he popped up: how much I missed the stupid furball, and why he wasn’t still here to celebrate his 11th birthday, which is coming up in 2 and 1/2 weeks and Zoey will be the only cat to celebrate it with. This has been the most I’ve cried in a while since his death.

My lap feels empty without him laying his entire body on it, from his front paws that stretched out to the middle of my leg to his tail that rested on my stomach. Zoey has been making attempts to occupy that space for her benefit and I’m not complaining about it at all. It still feels weird, considering that she’s a smaller cat and she tends to curl up instead of stretching herself out like her brother did. Don’t get me wrong, Zoey’s been a wonderful cat and I do love her, but I had my deep connection to Ziggy and it’s been hard without him here. I still go back to looking at old photos taken from when he was a kitten and just hope he’s doing great up there and thank him for being my friend.

I’m sorry, this dragged on for way too long, but I wanted to give an update to how I was doing. I hope all of you are doing well!
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #224 
Hi, Sma! Don't worry that you're going on too long. That's what we're all here for. It's great to hear from you and I'm glad your cold is better.
I know what you mean about that special connection. I had it with Raven, and Bruce with Chandler. Spring and summer just aren't the same anymore. It's like a bone that's been shattered in several places and hasn't really healed the way it was supposed to. It's usable but that's it. That's how our hearts often feel. There's the losses that change us forever. The pain sneaks up on us out of nowhere, and it's relentless. I had that over memorial day, because I always watched the Indy 500 and Raven would lie on the couch with me. If I had to leave the room for any reason I'd come back and ask her what happened. It's just how it is anymore.
Maybe you could do for Ziggys birthday what I did for Raven's. I bought a small mylar balloon on a stick and put it near her urn ( you could do that with his collar) and sang happy birthday. Then I gave the other animals a special treat, a "toast," if you will. It's was cold that day but when it warmed up I bought a helium balloon and released it after writing her name on it. It's a bit of comfort, and I know they get them, and know we still love them.
Just keep us posted on how you're doing. Good luck with your studies as well. Ziggy will be there to guide you, trust me!
All my best 🐱🐊🐌
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Chandlers_Dad

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Posts: 175
Reply with quote  #225 
Good evening, Sma and Marie,

I haven't been here for a few weeks and I apologize.

Sma, I agree with Marie that you can say whatever you want, whenever you want, and as long as you want. Write away, our friend... that's why we're here! Do you have pictures of Ziggy you can post here? If so, please do. We would love to see the little guy. He stole your heart, and that's quite a feat. We know you love Zoey dearly, and she adores you obviously, but it's definitely okay that you had a special bond with Ziggy.

Marie, my dear friend, I am so sorry I haven't corresponded sooner. If anyone in this world can appreciate the love one can have for the furry loved ones, it's you. I think of your love with Raven every day. You don't know how much I appreciate all the support and kindness you have given me this past year.

And Purzel, if you're reading this, I give you many, many wordless hugs. You know what I mean. :-)

On the 26th, Chandler will have been gone a year. A whole year! I really don't understand why I am still having this much trouble. I miss Phoebe horribly and still look for her purring, loving presence, but I still cry over Chandler almost daily. I don't get it, and I don't know how to get past this. Even though I believe he has sent me a ton of signs that he's well -- and I believe it -- I can't seem to let him go. But I think he wants me to. He just can't tell me how to do it.

Just some ramblings here. Think of all of you daily. Glad we have each other. Hugs to all of you.

Bruce
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