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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #136 
Aw you're welcome, Bruce! That's exactly what it is too. A manifestation of God's love, in a convenient, furry package! And yes, my house has turned into a zoo. I'm not quite ready for another cat, but I've decided, at least for now, to open my heart and home to some other little friends. I've had the newts and garden snails for awhile now, but the hissing cockroaches, Creepy and Crawly, are new, as are the banana slugs Chiquita, Foster and Daiquiri. A lot of folks would just say ew, gross, but I don't know, I just think they're absolutely adorable in a gothic sort of way. I'm the crazy animal lady in my neighborhood anyway so oh well!
Sending my best to you 🐱🐺🐌
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #137 
I don't think it's gross at all, Marie. They are your babies. We cannot place limits on why we love the ones we love! I love all creatures. When they touch our hearts, they touch us. No need to explain why. Always a dog guy myself, I now am endeared by cats. Enamored, actually. But I love all Animals. (Except spiders. Can't get there. I become a 2 year old screaming toddler around those little monsters.)

Missing Phoebe and Chandler tonight very much. Hope they are playing with everyone's loved ones! They are all much happier than I am tonight... :-(
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #138 
I know they're probably having fun with Raven Geronimo and the rest, Bruce, but they'll never forget us, either. I know they miss us as well, and will probably knock us down in their happiness when we finally reunite one day. Raven always liked to weave under my feet and trip me, so that's probably what I'll get from her, whereas Mo would just sit down in front of me and not move. I remember when the cleaners would come and have to mop around him because he just refused to get out of the way!
You and spiders sounds a lot like me with those tomato hornworms. For some reason they just freak me out. I've had lizards, rats, snakes, a millipede, a scorpion, you name it. I think snails and slugs have the cutest faces. But there's just something about the tomato worms that turns me into a shrieking Banshee. Even I don't understand it. The only one who probably does is God. So odd how our minds work.
Watching the banana slugs munching through their romaine lettuce. I call it the slugfest. Such interesting little guys. I can't help but think that Raven and Geronimo sent them and the "hissers" to me. I've only had them a short while but like you said, Bruce, they're now my babies, and I'm attached.
Blessings to you and India 🐱🐺🐌
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #139 
Good evening, my friends. Hoping you are all doing well--or at least, as well as can be expected--on this Friday evening. Funny how time soars past us, and the older we get, the quicker time soars! My parents used to tell me that all the time but I didn't believe them. I do now....

It's Friday night, so it's my relaxation time. Everyone in my life, except my partner who knows better, thinks I am still the happy-go-lucky Bruce. For the most part, I am. Still the clown at work, still making the sarcastic wow-you-really-just-said-that comments, and being the person everyone knows me to be. I back out of a room when someone is crying, turn a tender moment into a "funny", and can make light of nearly anything.

But silently, except to all of you, I hurt tremendously: Phoebe being gone 5 weeks and Chandler being gone 9 months. These are the hours I grieve the most. This is the time I reflect on the impact they had in my life, and the time I know I can just miss them horribly.

Just a thought, and thanks for listening. Good night, y'all.
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sma23

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Reply with quote  #140 
I’m new - was introduced to this site by my dad - and I just read all of the posts in this thread, He figured this’d be something to help give me support, especially after today, since we had to put one of my kitties down just a few hours ago. He was just on the brink of his senior years - just 3 1/2 months short of his 11th birthday. I honestly thought he’d live to be at least 12 or 13, but with the issues he had on and off, time seemed so short. Every solution we thought would work only helped perk him up for a week and a few weeks later, he’d be back in this slump with every throw up happening often. I’m only in my almost mid-twenties and I had this knucklehead for as long as he’d been alive.

People say the nastiest things about black cats, but this baby of mine, he was special. He had his moments and even through his issues, he still remained the loving cat he was. The thing is, the fact that he used to be a heavy cat (a whopping 17-18 lbs) and his weight dropped to a measly 9 speaks a lot of volumes. I forget what it was called but it was due to his bowel thing in his intestines and it was painful to listen to him suffer through it all. Just a few days ago, he was feeling alright. Yesterday, he didn’t want to eat or move too much. Today, he could barely move and - according to my dad - having trouble breathing. Blood was drawn but his white cells were so low they couldn’t give a proper diagnosis, so it was with a heavy heart we had to put him down just a few hours ago.

How does one deal with grief of this magnitude? It was only shortly after that my dad got home and gave me his old collar, I immediately just broke down. I came here hoping some support would help. It sort of helps that we still have his sister and the dog, but it hurts knowing he’s not here anymore. RIP my beautiful Ziggy. Can anyone offer this youngster some insight on how to cope with it? Many thanks.
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #141 
Hi there, sma23. Your Ziggy sounds so much like my Raven who I lost almost exactly a year ago. Black cats are just amazing aren't they? It sounds to me like you and your family did everything you possibly could for Ziggy. So many others wouldn't have bothered to do half as much.
What I did for Raven was I wrote her a letter. I just told her how much I loved her and missed her, and how much I enjoyed our time together. I apologized for the times I'd let her down, and finally, told her why I made the awful choice to let her go. It was for her, not me. Then, when I was able, I read it aloud to her. It helped a bit, but even now, the pain is still very real. Later I also bought a set of windchimes to put outside. Whenever they ring, it's her playing with them.
Ziggy knows how much you love him. You shared such a special bond you'll never truly be separated from each other. Whenever the pain is especially bad, call his name, and he'll hear you, and send his love down the Rainbow to you. Also coming here is a big help. Everyone here is just the best, and ready with kind words and encouragement. I don't know what I'd do if Raven hadn't guided me here. Take comfort, too, in knowing that you're among friends.
Many blessings to you in the days to come.
Hey there, Bruce! Hope you're doing as well as can be expected too! I've been ok, but the dreary weather in addition to the holiday and Raven's anniversary coming up has, at times, been too much. I try to stay busy and positive, but there's days, like today, I just want to say blow this for a game of soldiers and have a good cry. We can't be strong all the time, and it's not expected. I hope that Phoebe and Chandler, Ziggy, Mo, Raven and the rest send their love to us, at this time of renewal, so that we remember them with smiles, not tears, and laughter, not weeping. They are with us now, in the songs of the birds, the first green shoots, the first flowers, the sun, wind and rain. We may not see them, but they're here, always close by, always loving us.
Easter blessings to all of you. May you find peace and healing 🐱🐺🌸
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sma23

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Reply with quote  #142 
Thank you for your kind words.

It's been over 12 hrs since we had to put him down. The vet told us that even if they had something to ease his pain, he had a week to live. His weight, due to not eating and drinking for a day and a half, dropped to 6.5 lbs. Of course, we knew he wouldn't last a week - we had fears he would pass overnight or even the next day - so a difficult decision was made. I have been on the "losing a pet" side before, having to have put down our 15 yr old cocker-spaniel over a decade ago, but of course I was too young and didn't understand the meaning of pet loss until Ziggy came into our lives.

Ziggy was definitely a unique cat. A strange one at that. He loved to lick and chew on plastic bags - to this day I still don't understand what made it appealing to him - and a while back, he actually ate a fully cooked hot dog off the counter. We weren't sure how he'd be able to digest it, but he was fine afterwards. He always gave loving head butts (his way of being affectionate), he loved looking out into the backyard and seeing the birds, which made him chatter excitedly. He loved being a lap cat. Just the night before we had to put him down, through all his issues, he chose to come up and lay on my lap. It was the first time in a while that he had been comfortable. My heart is torn into pieces knowing I'll never be able to hold, pet and cuddle him ever again. What's worse is that, I later learned last night after we had to put him down, his sister Zoey went looking for him in their room. She doesn't seem to understand why he isn't here anymore, but she senses him being gone.

Even I tried to give her the attention she wanted, but I couldn't without breaking down into tears just thinking about her brother. I'm not sure I would have the heart again to look back on old photos of him from when he was a kitten, barely a few months old. Even with his issues, he still remained my sweet baby boy. It hurts so much.
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #143 
Bruce, my heart goes out very much to you, knowing you continue to have so much sadness and pain. It is such hard stuff. I wish more people in your 3D life were supportive, could and would be there for you. I think all of us here know what it's like to go through the motions and put on the brave front publicly. I'm thankful for this space and precious people here who truly hear, feel, know and understand our pain, as it is so closely reflected in their own hearts and experience. 

My thoughts are with you and I wish you much comfort!



__________________
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #144 
Your pain is still so raw, so new. I'm still having trouble looking at Raven's pictures, even after almost a year. There's really no rules to this kind of thing. It is what it is when it comes to grief. It's a long journey to get to what I call our "new normal," so don't rush yourself or try to over-reason. Just feel whatever it is you're feeling, talk to people if you need to, or take some quiet time for yourself and don't say anything at all if that feels like what you need to do.
Funny your Ziggy liked licking plastic bags. One of my current cats, another black one named Roswell, enjoys this strange activity! I think they do a lot of the things they do just because it confuses the heck out of us humans! They probably sit around all day thinking "Ok, what can I do to really make them scratch their heads?" It's just part of what makes them such wonderful companions, and so sorely missed when they have to leave us.
Blessings to everyone here 🐱⚘🐺
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sma23

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Reply with quote  #145 
Haha, yes. I have his sister currently situated on my lap - she’s more or less overjoyed she can sit here without having to worry being bumped off by him. I can’t say I’m used to it, since Ziggy loved to stretch himself along my legs and his purr was loud. His sister’s purr is much softer, so it’s quite a change. I mean, she was kind of ignored most of the time due to Ziggy and his later issues, so I’m 100% sure she’s pleased she can get on a lap any time she wants.

Since Ziggy was my furbaby, it will be painful to remember him, especially since I spent so much time with him. My only regret is that I wish I had went into his room before he was off to the vet to say my goodbyes. My folks definitely didn’t want me seeing him in his weak state, so I wasn’t there when he was finally put down, but the pain is there. I’d done the same thing, only for my grandfather three months prior and his dilemma was exactly the same as Ziggy’s: didn’t want to eat or drink for a while, he was shaking and struggling to breathe in his final moments and didn’t want social interaction.

It’s definitely not the same without him, but I’m looking forward to giving his sister much needed attention, since she’s now the sole cat in the family, besides the dog. I don’t honestly have the heart at the moment to think about getting another kitty, not since Ziggy was the love of my life. I hope he knew how much I loved him and still do, even though he’s passed on. I will say that Zoey will definitely be around for a couple more years. since she’s always been a healthy, though fat, cat, so she will be getting lots of love and attention. She’s a heavy girl and obviously has different likes and dislikes. I honestly look forward to getting to know her better. She and I won’t be as deeply as attached as Ziggy was to me, but there’s no harm trying.

Thank you for your supporting words. It was hard trying to sleep with his death being on my mind. But hopefully, I can heal along the way.
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #146 
Sma23,

I am so very sorry for your loss. Ziggy has been in your life a very long time, and the love you have for him can be a major comfort to you, especially in time. You are dealing with a whirlwind of emotions, none of which you can fully grab onto, and probably feel detached from yourself right now. Let yourself grieve fully. You have come to a beautiful place full of people who have been there, can appreciate the bitter pain, and will give you unconditional support. There is comfort in sharing your feelings and learning about others' journeys down this road, as well. My heart goes out to you.

Catiebee, Thank you so much for your kindness and support. I completely agree with you regarding this forum. I don't know what I would have done without it and all the wonderful people like you.

And my dear Marie, My thoughts have been with you as the one year without Raven concludes. I pray for your strength as you move forward. You are a dear person and have touched countless lives in this forum. Bless you, my friend.

Well, sweet India is on my lap and won't stand for me being on my phone, so I will close for now. My best thoughts to all of you.

Bruce
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sma23

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Reply with quote  #147 
Bruce and everyone else,

thank you for your support. I read through all your posts before getting myself to talk without feeling too emotional. I’m quite thankful some of the stories you all have posted about your beloved animals helped get my mind off Ziggy. A friend actually told me I was handling it rather well when I announced the news. I can’t say I’m handling it well, but I am trying my hardest.

I got myself to give his sister her attention she’s craved for so long without tearing up today, so that’s progress. It’s definitely quiet in here without Ziggy running around in his collar when he wanted food, but I suppose Zoey’s will make up for it. Definitely will be a big adjustment, one I honestly look forward to. While I’m sad he’s no longer here, I’m happy I still have my other black baby cat, because it helps knowing there’s still another cat living here who I can still spoil, despite having to have started with two.

It hurts knowing I can’t have him in my arms again, but it puts me at ease knowing he’s not in pain anymore. Thank you everyone. This has helped jumpstart my healing process. I hope all of you are giving the rest of your companions much needed love and attention!
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #148 
You're all so very welcome. And thanks to all of you that have been there for me as well. It is sad that our face-to- face acquaintances aren't always supportive or just have their own stuff going on, but here I genuinely feel among friends. Raven will be gone one year on the 8th, Snoopy, my friend's bunny, one year on the 19th, and for Mo it's only been 41/2 months. The tears like to sneak up on a person sometimes. I'll be going along ok, but then I'll see something, or hear a bit of a song that I used to sing to them, or some other weird thing or another, and I'm right back to a gibbering wreck. It takes time, but the loss will always be there. It's like that for all of us. These babies were the most precious things in our lives, and that's not something to be taken lightly.
Easter wishes for the best for you all. This is a time of renewal, and our dear ones will find a new way to be with us always and ever.
Love to all 🐺🐱⚘🌹
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #149 
Sma,

I can tell how much you love these cats, and I am happy you have Zoey. I believe her love and affection toward you will transform greatly. She knows how much you need her love, and I bet she'll be more than happy to give it to you. No doubt she will enjoy getting your love and affection, too! Her love won't replace Ziggy's, but it will definitely augment it.

Your story sounds so similar to Phoebe and Chandler. Chandler was my boy and my best friend. Losing him was like losing part of my soul. His stand-offish, aloof, somewhat unapproachable sister Phoebe stepped in, completely showering me with love and attention Chandler couldn't anymore. She stole my heart and became my saving grace. But just under 8 months after losing Chandler, I lost Phoebe, too, and it hurt as badly as the first time. I do have their sweetheart mother India, who is now working double time to share her love.

We're here for you, Sma. I won't pretend it's going to be an easy time. You'll go through it all, sometimes in a matter of moments, and may at times feel you can't even breathe. When that happens, we'll be here. Don't ever forget that.

Bruce
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sma23

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Reply with quote  #150 
I’m so sorry to hear what happened to your Raven, Mo and your friend’s bunny. It hasn’t even been 24 hrs yet and I’m still bawling my eyes out each time I think about him. It’s very true these companions of ours were a part of our lives and definitely filled it with happiness. We can only hope they are free of their pain and are enjoying themselves on the other end of the rainbow bridge.

I will say this though, when the time does come for me to feel like adopting another cat, my only preference is that they have a personality as close as to what Ziggy was like, and that they are black. Black cats, I feel, get the worst kind of treatment out of all the kitties out there and having to have been a personal black cat owner (still am with Zoey), I feel that this helps them have loving homes. Granted, it will definitely be some time before I’m ready to consider another - considering that Zoey is now the only cat in the house since Ziggy is gone and I’m not sure how well she’ll take to another, especially since she and Ziggy didn’t get along first when we brought him home,

I hope your Easter is full of healing for you all. I know I will need it.
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