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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #106 
Purzel, I absolutely LOVE this story! Thank you so much for that. Our babies exhibit so many personalities, and we enjoy what they have done. I am just happy Paul had the love we all want to make sure they had.

Marie, you have no idea what you have meant to me. These past several months, you have given me so much kindness and wisdom that I honestly don't know where I would be without you. You are so special to me.

RileysMom, i would love to give you words of wisdom, but we know that nothing I can ever say will do that. Just know that people here -- including me -- really do care! I can so feel your pain, my friend. Wish I could do so much more.

Before Chandler died, he found solace in his stuffed animal friend, Mr. Foxy. Now that Phoebe is gone, I introduced Mr. Foxy to their mother, India. She is adoring this little guy and now I am considering a foster cat arrangement.

Don't know if I can do it yet, but am thinking about it. For India only. Miss her two babies so much. God bless you, Phoebe and Chandler.
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #107 
Here she is.

Attached Images
jpeg 20180226_184851.jpg (2.62 MB, 7 views)

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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #108 
Aawww that is so sweet! India seems like such a warm, nurturing soul. I'm glad she's found something that brings her comfort at this hard time. She's a beautiful cat!
That's such a wonderful thing you're thinking about, Bruce. To open your heart, home, and arms to a cat who needs you would make Chandler and Phoebe so very proud. When my previous black cat, Elf, died suddenly, and my friend brought me Raven, I wasn't really ready for another cat. But wh8i looked at that tiny black kitten on that cold March day, I knew I couldn't say no. What would've happened to her if I hadn't taken her? I've often thought about fostering a cat myself, or maybe I'll adopt another soon. Not sure yet, but when it's time, Raven and Geronimo will let me know.
I'm so glad I can help you, Bruce. I know that there are no magic words to take away the pain, but to know I've been a help to someone else is a great feeling. Give India an extra hug for me. She's such a beautiful girl!
Take care now and God bless you both! 🐱🐺
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #109 
Bruce,

I hope you are doing fine. I'm sending wordless hugs your way.

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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #110 
I've been thinking of you as well, Bruce. I hope you and India are holding up ok. Sending you my best 🐱
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #111 
Good evening, Everyone,

I haven't been on here in several days, immersed in work and other life happenings, and hope you are all faring well. I was never a great correspondent, and I feel badly about not replying more regularly and frequently. Doesn't mean I don't care, though, because I do indeed.

I read these posts and absorb these stories, and my heart feels for all. I feel a sense of community here. I am not the only one going through this. Not at all! Most of the people I know would say, "I am sorry about your cat," but not really know... or care... just how much it hurts. They think we should all get over it quickly. Move on. Get another one.

Chandler and Phoebe are not broken teacups, dammit! I cannot just "replace" them! They were my loved ones, and I love them dearly! Even 8 months later, I see a picture of Chandler and I melt like an ice cube on a tropical beach. And with Phoebe only being gone a little over a week, I am very deep in the throes of grief. Replace them?!? Seriously???

But most people don't understand this. I have to accept that.

I just want my boy and girl back. And after their mother is gone, I think I will love animals from afar. I can't do this again. Maybe someday I'll feel differently, but at this moment I cannot conceive of subjecting myself to this further.

Best wishes to all...

Bruce
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #112 
Hi, Bruce! You hit the nail on the head when you said some people see our losses as broken teacups or other replaceable objects. To many it's "just a cat." But we know better. These sweet souls are just as capable of love, if not more so, than any human being. It's been nearly a year since Raven had to leave, and while my physical body is returning to normal, my heart and soul still bear an impossible pain, a wound that will never completely heal.
You're right about this being a community. It's a community built on love, loss, healing and caring. All of us joined together by these things, and to remember our dear fur angels and share their stories. Our little ones watch over us always, and would be so proud to see us all together, telling their tales, and keeping them in our hearts.
All my best to you 🐱🐺
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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #113 
Oh Bruce,
I had to listen to "And.... when will you get the next one?" so many times just right after 2 days of Max' death or even worse that I started to avoid people when I do my daily walks.

I hope you are better. How is India doing?

Hugs

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RileysMom

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Reply with quote  #114 
Hi Bruce,

I too have had to deal with the “when are you going to get another one” thing. I even had a friend ask me that before my dog had died, we had just found out she had cancer. I told her my dog is not a purse to be replaced because she’s been damaged. Many people just do not understand or get it and I don’t understand them for why they are that way. My head knows they just have not experienced a relationship like this... But just the same, an animal is a living being, not a “thing” to be disposed of. Sorry, rant over...

I came by actually just to check in on you. Hope you’re doing as well as can be expected. I know it will be hard for some time and wanted to send some hugs to you and India.

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—Loving Riley, Rosy & Axl always 🐾

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Lamont

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Reply with quote  #115 
I am glad this story/posting got 'bumped' back to the front page, I read through the entire thread.

I have that stupid ms, too, although there were a few things in my more recent past that gave me a lot of grief, including hep c and then a really bad disk herniation in my lower back. (Will the fun ever stop?)
I retired in '14, and it seemed like one crap sandwich after another for a couple of years. My cat, Bertie, was my "at-home companion" through all of the worst stuff. One night, I was home alone, and ended up writhing in agony in the floor with a massive spasm of back pain. The cat who loved me, lay close to my side for the 2-3 hours I was unable to move. Many cats would have hidden under a sofa with all the screaming going on, but she ran to my aid, and made sure I wasn't alone. 

I'm totally with you about getting another pet, even if it's not to "replace Bertie" or fill the void here in our home. But, man, I've been feeling at loose ends for 2 days now that my wife is traveling. It's just me, Bertie in the cedar box and whole lot of feelings. It's crap feeling like this, just crap.

I will admit that the temptation to adopt again, maybe later this year is a strong one, but I don't think it's fair to bring another animal in to our lives, (mine especially) until I am certain there won't be any comparing or thinking "Well, Bertie never did that, or if it were Bertie..." you know that kind of thing is not fair to the adopted pet. They deserve to just be a pet without my comparing them. Maybe the next pet will be a dog, it would be hard to compare them, even though Bertie had a lot of doglike attributes, including the habit of following me around, and sounding the alarm when the mail man came.

L



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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #116 

Happy Birthday, sweet little Phoebe and best buddy boy Chandler!

Today would have been their 13th birthday. I can still recall getting home from work just in time for India to start into labor. I hurried her to the bathroom, where I had set her up a nice little "nest" in the cabinet under the sink, and the adventure began. Phoebe's little tail poked out first -- she was breech -- and India cried. Not as loudly as others made me believe she would, but she was not a happy camper at that moment. Moments later, here came Chandler, looking more like a big cheese curl than a cat. India had three more cats for whom I found homes right away, but I fell in love with Phoebe and Chandler immediately. They were definitely not going anywhere!

When Chandler died last June, I asked myself how I'd be when his 13th birthday got here. At that point, I pretty much expected that I'd grieve for Chandler like always, but would give Phoebe a special treat of some sort. Of course, Phoebe didn't make it here, either, dying exactly two weeks to the day short of any celebration, and so unexpectedly, at that. So, I will just give that treat to India in celebration of her bringing those wonderful gifts t our lives 13 years ago. She will enjoy it; in fact, she is doing much better. Very affectionate and attentive again, no problems with her appetite at all (quite the contrary!), and being the same sweet little girl she always has been.

I want to thank everyone who understood what I meant in my rant the other night about people saying I should "just get another one". I hope no one thought I meant that to anyone who suggested I consider adopting or fostering at some point, because those are not in the same category as these others at all. The ones who angered me are the ones who didn't understand the importance of Chandler and Phoebe to begin with. Those are the ones that think I should just "replace and move on." You were all very supportive of that. I do admit, there are days when I think I may want another one -- not to replace either of the others -- but to maybe give India some company and joy, and yet be there for me, too. India is going on 15, and for obvious reasons I cannot push the inevitable to the back of my mind anymore.

Wow, I tend to get wordy... sorry about that! But as always, thanks for being there, everyone.

Bruce

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Purzel

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Reply with quote  #117 
Bruce,
First off, happy birthday memories to Chandler and Phoebe. I had to smile when you told about the adventure when they were born. What a lucky man you are having had the chance to witness such a beautiful moment and how Chandler and Phoebe enriched your life from minute No. 1. My heart goes out to you.

I am very glad that India is doing fine again - I admit I was really worried and feel relieved now. To give India some company and joy with a new family member is a good thought. I think Chandler and Phoebe would like this idea because a human with so much love in heart will be found by another furry loving being.

Hugs


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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #118 
Awww Bruce what a wonderful story about the day those precious babies entered the world! I love how you compared Chandler to a big cheese curl. Made me laugh and cry at the same time. I'm glad India is doing better too. Be sure and give her that extra treat to honor her for giving you those darling kittens and also for being there for you as well. Happy Birthday wishes to Chandler and Phoebe at the Bridge. Raven's birthday was the 4th of February. I bet they get to whack big mouse-shaped pinatas full of catnip and treats and eat till they're ready to burst! May knowing that you gave these babies a loving home when many others would have turned their backs bring you peace and carry you forward through the dark times. Give India a big hug and maybe have an extra treat yourself today, too! You both deserve it!
Blessings 🐱🐺
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Chandlers_Dad

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Reply with quote  #119 
As always, Thank you very much. Today has been... well, no surprise here... pretty awful.

India is a bit off this evening, but I think it's partially due to her detecting how down I am. I think we're struggling with how quiet the house is. Empty is probably a better word. From 3 to 1 in such a short time. I feel badly for India during the day. Next month I have to be gone for a week for a conference, and will worry about her the entire time.

A little while after Chandler died, I had to attend a staff retreat, and one of the group activities was painting ceramics. I found a cookie jar in the shape of a cat, so I painted it like Chandler and now keep his ashes, paw print, and a lock of his hair in it. I am going to try to find another one for Phoebe. As she was a tiger calico, though, it may be a bit more challenging to paint! I am currently still using the scatterbox the pet cemetery gave me, but it looks sad to see that little box next to the cookie jar.

Hoping all of you are holding up. Prayers and hugs to you all.

Bruce
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Marie123

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Reply with quote  #120 
I know what you mean, Bruce. Raven's birthday was so very sad. The only thing that made me feel better was the fact that Hallmark Channel was airing its annual "Kitten Bowl," and it was wonderful to see those little kittens playing, and getting adopted into loving homes, just as Raven and Geronimo were.
I love the idea of the cookie jar! I should try something like that. I love to draw and paint. Hopefully you can find another and make it look like Phoebe. What a great way to remember your little friends! I'm forever on the lookout for stuff that looks like my Raven and Geronimo.
I hope India feels better too. I honestly believe animals know more than they let on, and perhaps she, too, is still mourning. Just keep an eye on her, and give her extra love and treats.
Sending my best as always 🐱🐺
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