ggpow2
I had to put our 12 year old Newfoundland Teyha, down on Sunday evening and now I am absolutely consumed by pain, remorse and regret. .

She suffered with hip dysplasia and arthritis in her knees and front leg for a few years. Recently, her back legs began getting weaker and losing muscle and her hips became bad enough that you could offer hear them click when she walked. She was put on all sorts of medication, and even though I knew this was probably very painful for her, she soldiered on as she always had without complaint.

Roughly two months ago I started to notice her behaviour was changing a bit...she was no longer as affectionate as she'd always been, and she started to pace a little and seemed lost sometimes. I took her to the vets and the told me that it could be her being less settled because of her hips and arthritis or, that being very old for a giant breed dog, she may be going a little senile, so they increased her pain/inflammation meds and put her on medication used to treat alzimer in animals, but that seemed to have no effect.

About a month ago I noticed her limp in the front foot was getting more pronounced. This had waxed and waned over the years and therefore I didn't pay too much attention to it. Then one day when her mum was looking at her foot, she discovered a weeping, painful looking growth under one of her toes. I took her to the vets the next day, and it turned out to be a tumour under her toe. I immediately had the toe removed...but the operation/anaesthetic was very hard on her, and since the operation her condition became progressively worse, more wandering, getting stuck behind furniture, circling, tripping over her front foot, panting constantly and losing support in her back legs. She also stopped wagging her tail and making any attempt to greet anyone. She just didn't seem herself. Last week I took her to stay at her mums house(which I do in summer on days when temperatures get excessive because they(I have two) can't handle the heat anymore), when I returned two days later to pick her up in the morning, she could not walk unassisted at all, fell over constantly, and if she did manage to get up with help, was pressing her head into walls and panting without let up. I took her to the emergency, and after examining her, the doctor said she had all the classic signs of brain cancer. The vet said the options were very limited for any dog, but especially for one of her age and physical state. The vet thought it was a good idea to put her to sleep, but said it would be reasonable to wait a couple of days to say goodbye to the family. I took her home that night, and the next day brought her back to her mums house so the kids could say goodbye and we could all spend the day with her before we took her in Monday. Unfortunately, by the afternoon it seemed pretty obvious at the time that we shouldn't wait, as her symptoms became much worse, and now she couldn't walk at all. We called a vet to the house and they put my poor old girl to sleep that evening. The bottom line is that I feel like I made the wrong decision. What bothered me most is that the diagnosis of brain cancer was suspected, and not definitive. To get that would have taken an MRI that cost $2000.00, a 2hr drive and would have required her to be put under(the last time terribly hard on her). The vet explained that even if they could do all that, the chances were that there would be nothing they could do anyway, all things considered. Even though I know that's probably all true, it still leaves me asking "what if?" What if they were wrong? What if it was something less serious? What if it could've been treated? What if I was wrong? What if I'd discovered the cancer in her foot sooner? Did it spread from there? I usually need to have all the information before I make any decision, never mind one this big, but this time I didn't, and now the guilt of not knowing for certain is killing me. That, and thinking about all the times I was too busy to walk her, or got angry at her or didn't give her the attention she wanted. Was I a good friend to her and was I worthy. I'm absolutely filled with guilt, regret and an overwhelming sadness that's all consuming at the moment.

I miss her terribly already...

Quote 0 0
JerseyNonna
I am so sorry for the loss of your dear friend teyha.  these gentle souls come into our lives and hearts that sometimes we expect they are always going to be with us.  one of the things we should always be aware of with our dear friends who can't tell us with words that they are hurting is to notice the small changes in their behavior and mobility as you were.  quality of life is one thing i'm really confused about when it comes to how humans think of it and surely since my accident and resulting failed spinal surgery in 2002, with constant chronic pain I absolutely know my quality of life changed drastically.  I can express my hurt with words but also through body language.  guilt...everyone here holds a piece of that same guilt within us; go over the same exact questions you are asking yourself over and over with and in a way, beating yourself up with. 

having lost two dear rotties to cancer which were too aggressive a form to be even treated I can assure you that you allowed teyha to move from an extremely painful existence here on earth to one of being young again with no cancer, no injuries, most of all no pain.  not only did you give her a wonderfully loving home and life for a wonderfully long life for a giant breed, but in the end you gave her the greatest gift that any human can offer their fur-baby - earthly release from a life of pain.  quality of life should mean so much to us as humans being loved by such great souls because we know they have a zest for life; to run, play, cuddle, kiss us and just feel good.  when little by little age or illness undermines that quality of life then it is time for us to allow our dear loved friends to move across the bridge to wait for us.  sometimes I wish that when my quality of life deteriorates to such a point that some kind soul would help me pass quietly and peacefully - but stupid humans for humans call that "assisted suicide" but if it's a human for animal it's ok and simply "euthanization".  how can we as a species be able to do kinder things for our fur friends than we can do for ourselves.  idk but I do know that teyha is still with you in your heart and am quite certain she is running, playing and romping through the meadow, by the lake or hillside with some of our other loved babies who have passed. 

hope this helps a bit but please realize you are in a place where everyone is experiencing the same pain and feelings of guilt which you feel - but our fur-babies are at the bridge loving their younger selves which we gave them back.  many hugs, thoughts and prayers
JerseyNonna
Quote 0 0
camunki
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Teyha....and you did do the right thing, and the grieving path usually always comes with "guilt" the could haves, the should haves etc. But you have to know you did the right thing at the right time for your precious Teyha.

I had to put my dog Munki down on Dec 3rd....she was older, she was progressively blind from the age of 9 y/o and she lived til 13 years 10 months old....she also went in circles alot, pacing, and finally she stopped eating (prior to this the Vet took an xray and she had cancer in her lungs/chest area) this was so aggressive that the Xray was taken on a Friady and 6 days later i had to put her to sleep cuz she stopped eating and was breathing very bad, also Munk's back legs used to give out alot she had alot of arthritis.

Please just remember the love you gave to your Teyha and please know you are not alone.....many hugs your way!!

Cam

Cam


 
Quote 0 0
Beaglemomma
Just want to add my voice to what has already been said much better than I could say it.  My personal belief is that you gave your baby the greatest gift we have to give them.  Relief when the time is right.  NOT EASY, I know that.  That last afternoon with Molly the Vet suggested the same thing for her--------a 3 hour ride to a hospital that could do an MRI-----forget the money for a moment-------THAT was NOT what was best for Molly and somehow I knew that. 

I only hope you can make yourself believe that you did what was best for Teyha, NOT what YOU wanted.  We are far more compassionate to our animals than we are to humans in this situation-----very personal opinion I realize.

The last thing we want for those we love so much is to see them suffer.  I am realizing the more I am on this site that we all are dealing with some guilt.  We want them to live as long as we do and we feel awful when that doesn't happen.  I won't retell Molly's story here because this is about YOU and Teyha, but I do hope that so many people telling you that you did what was best for your baby will help you some.  Take care.
janice
Quote 0 0
Sasha_RIP
I also had to put my dog down in September and had the same guilt feelings as you have. If I am honest with myself, I know I did the right thing. When the quality of their life is down to nothing, then it is best to let them go. We certainly don't want them to suffer just because we can't bear to let go. The pain for me was unbearable, as I'm sure it for you also. What do they say - time heals all wounds. Peace!
Sasha's Mom
Quote 0 0
LisaR
I know this was posted a few years ago but I'm going through exactly that, had the chance to pay for an MRI I wasn't exactly 2 hours away maybe about an hour or an hour and a half but still, for us at the time on Sunday and at night it was to late, I regret it so much my baby girl became paralysed in her hind legs and for the way she was it was no way to live and be happy fully, it was all to sudden 😭 it'd of been nice to know and I feel rotten like what if it was something really simple but I know at that time I was doing the best thing for her x
Quote 0 0
tazmoe
I posted awhile back about the guilt I felt putting my Kona to sleep. He was actually doing ok at the vet's office, but when the vet told me how bad his kidneys were I knew it was time. To this day I wonder if I had brought him home that night; is it possible he might have gotten better on his own? The answer of course is no. In fact, he would have only have gotten much worse. I would feel even guiltier in the end, because I would have known I should have put him down sooner.

In the end guilt and regrets are part of the grieving process. We will always wonder "what if" no matter what decision we made in the end. However, the most important thing to realize is the amazing life we gave our pets. In the end that is all that matters.
Quote 0 0
LisaR
That's true and everyone tells me my lucy wasn't going to get better, it's just I think to myself what if I did take her home, we took her to the vet and had options to help tht was to far away but felt like at the time she wasn't going to be the same again now I remember how she was the day before and in denial that she had anything wrong with her 🙁
Quote 0 0
Indiana_Andrea
Awwwww.... please don't feel guilty about Teyha.  It sounds like your precious family member was in pain.  All living things can only take so much pain before our personalities change and we're simply tired of living with it all.  The kindest and most selfless thing you could have done was to release Teyha from all of that.  12 years old for a giant breed is a long time to live and how lucky to have known your love!

I am so sorry for your loss and also your pain of heart you're feeling.  Give yourself time, let yourself grieve and then watch for signs that Teyha's spirit is still with you. 

xoxo
They never live long enough....
Quote 0 0