I am so depressed today, It will be three weeks since my babygirl crossed the rainbow bridge, and the pain hurts just as much today as the day she passed. Why do I constantly question myself, why can’t the guilt pass? Why can’t I forgive myself for being so selfish and holding on to long to her. She was doing so good till the day we put her to sleep. She was never in any pain, I picked her up to take her potty everyday, I picked her up every night to put her on my bed, I picked her up everyday and put her beside me, never once did she whine, she ate so good, I always made her favorite meal, at least three days a week, boneless skinless chicken breast in slow cooker, would cut it up for her and she loved it she would always find her food dish. When she first went blind vet said blind dogs can live normal lives as long as you don’t move things around, and she did, she knew her way around the house. Then she started acting confused , would walk around the house like she was lost, would stand in one spot, I swear I thought it was because she was 17 years old cause she still ate so good.. Two days before we took her in, she suddenly stopped eating and puked clear liquid, but she seemed fine, but next day she wouldn’t eat, and was puking puddles of clear liquid, and had severe diarrhea all over the place, I knew something was bad, I called vet and took her right in, my vet said I have to let her go, and vet said baby was not suffering or in pain, just sick and that even if I spent thousands of dollars, had xrays, took meds, my baby was never going to come back to the dog she was, so we put her to sleep. I asked vet why all of a sudden she got so sick, cause before that she was fine, she really didn’t have an exact answer for me.
I found out baby also had old dog dementia, I never heard of this, although that’s not why she was sick, but that’s why she acted confused, and roamed the house endlessly , that’s why she wold stand in one spot staring even though she was blind, being the horrible selfish person I am, I never realized her quality of life was gone, why didn’t I let her go sooner. I swear I thought it was just old age, and I feel like I am a horrible person cause I didn’t want to accept the fact my baby had already left me. These memories of her are haunting me cause I hate myself, I can’t move on, I can’t eat, I fall asleep, but wake up and see her. I pray asking God to forgive me for holding on to long to my baby, but I love her so much. I am so depressed, I feel like the guilt is getting worst, I pray God and baby girl can forgive me for waiting to long to let her cross the rainbow bridge. I hate myself, why couldn’t I tell her quality of life was gone, how can I get past this guilt, I feel I am worthless
Diane Broomfield
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Firstly, I’m so sorry for your loss, 17 years is a massive amount of your life and it’s natural to feel like part of you is missing now your beloved lady has crossed the Bridge.

Secondly, you’re definitely NOT worthless. You mentioned the vet said dogs can live normal lives when blind and that, at this stage, your baby was otherwise in good health. So, you let her live as such, spoiled her with her favourite food and helped her with tasks that losing her sight effected. You also mentioned that only in the couple of days prior to her crossing to the Bridge did she become very poorly and then it was time to let her go. You did all you could for your baby and you loved her enough at the end to let her go and be at peace, despite it breaking your heart. Please don’t beat yourself up regarding missing the signs of Dementia - you’re not a vet, you weren’t to know; given her amazing age, I think most people would have assumed it was normal presentation for an elderly dog.

We’re all here to listen, I wish you all the best 🐾
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  You are not worthless. You are a loving, caring and compassionate pet parent. Just the idea that your baby lived to be (17) is a testament to your brilliant care. You wrote that she was fed chicken breast (her favorite). You cared enough to make sure she ate well - each and every day. You walked her, bathed her, scheduled regular Vet visits and also gave her lots of love. Not everyone can do that. Regarding her vision loss as she got older, that is something that all (pet owners) have to deal with. You couldn't help that. You made a lot of sacrifices for your girl and I know she's up in Heaven Thanking You implicitly. Your baby girl was so very fortunate to have had someone of your caliber as her owner. 

Jim Miller
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Dear Diane,

You are not worthless. As Little Lost said you took such good care of her. It is so obvious how much you loved her, and you must know that she loved and loves you just as much. Sometimes I think having the ability to decide when to end our pets lives, while it can be a blessing, is also confusing and causes a lot of emotional distress. If your baby had been human, you would have had to watch while she suffered and withered away until she was gone. You loved and pampered her until she began to show obvious signs of sickness. You gave her good medical care . How could you have known she had old dog dementia? That’s one of the worst things is that they can’t tell us clearly how they’re feeling or what’s going on with them. We have to observe and question and worry and wonder. You are far too hard on yourself. There is nothing to forgive and she knows this. Please be gentle with yourself. I am sending you much love and blessings as you deal with your pain and loss.

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