Mstlvdogz Show full post »
Mstlvdogz
I don't feel like he's as sorry as he should be bc to him it's just a dog n he didn't do it on purpose so all should be forgiven. After the 1st close call a simple I'm sorry just isn't as strong as it should be coming from him. I can't ever trust him with my dogs again. As for who hit her...shes so small n it happened at night. Don't even know wat hit her if that's how she even died. I didn't do an autopsy or anything. It coulda been a tractor trailer...i can't fault who hit her n that they didn't stop bc they prob had no idea or thought it was a racoon or something. I hate myself more than I do that person. The guilt I feel is unbearable at times.
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Mstlvdogz
How are u supposed to forgive someone else when u can't forgive urself...
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CK1991
I think this may be what is really upsetting to you. You are blaming yourself. Believe me when I tell you this is a part of grief, feeling guilty. Sometimes it can feel better then just grieving and allowing yourself to feel the loss you have experienced because while you are feeling guilty or angry you won't have to look at how much pain you are holding inside. At some point you will have to face the fact that Squirrel was taken away. Maybe it was just his time and maybe you can look at it this way. It was better then having him suffering with some disease. One of my little dogs had cancer and I didn't know for a long time because she hid it so well. They do that. If I had to choose I would have preferred her end to be quick and not have her suffer for months or even years while I went happily along thinking she was okay. Who knows how much she suffered and I still live with the guilt because I should have known sooner. I guess I'm trying to say that we all feel guilt and anger when we lose a pet that we love so much.
Can you tell me more about Squirrel? What did he look like? What did things did he really enjoy? What were your favourite things to do together? You are suffering so much. The headaches you mentioned when you were trying to post. All of the tension may be coming from the pain you are holding deep inside you. You feel your boyfriend's apology isn't sincere and it isn't enough. Maybe nothing will ever be enough to take away your pain at losing Squirrel. Is it possible to sit down with your bf and just tell him that you can forgive him for making a mistake if you know that he really cared about Squirrel. Try telling him how much pain you have been in. Allow him to comfort you if he wants to. You could also tell him how much his remark about his children being different then your dog hurt you because to you Squirrel was your child and tell him that you really need to know he understands that. If you don't think that conversation will go well you could write it in a letter and that way he can really think about everything before replying to you and maybe you could ask him to do just that. Above all you have to forgive yourself. You did everything you could to keep Squirrel safe and you looked for him until you were completely exhausted to try and find him.
Some men may not have searched until they found Squirrel but your bf did. That tells me he cares about you and Squirrel too. It's so hard for us to accept that in life bad things just happen but they do and we are left to deal with it the best way we know how. You loved this dog so much. I will assume he was happy and had a good life. It's time to give yourself (and maybe your bf) a break and just allow yourself now to grieve for your beloved Squirrel. I would really would like to hear more about him if you feel like you are able to write about him. I haven't been able to post about my two little dogs because my heart was broken in two so I give you a lot of credit for posting about Squirrel! Maybe someday I will but for now it helps talking to others who loved their dogs as much as I did. Please tell me more about Squirrel if you can.
CK
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