elliemeewiz

My gorgeous sweet Sybil ran free at 3am yesterday 😭😭😭💔 I posted here in December that she had gone into chf and had hcm as well as crd. Her heart finally gave out and yesterday, she had a blood clot in her legs, we rushed her to dvm where she was in oxygen, Dvm said her heart was too weak to give blood pressure and she would not make it through another day even with treatment so she went to be with Wizarduni, Byron,Angie and Tess.

I’m really feeling so awful now, I was in shock at first. An unbearable Wave of pain is hitting me now like a ton of bricks, I feel terrified without her. I have been giving her meds 2-3 x a day and caring for her for at least a year now with everything and almost 5 months with this and I don't know what to do with myself. I have so much guilt about so many things.

I keep thinking of when I got her 17 years ago and she eventually went outside, we were both young and she would play in the garden with me with a branch I would move along the ground- she loved it so much... it was our special game. She came on rides in a metal cart on my bike with Angie and they used to climb up my clothes to sit on the closet shelves. She and Byron were best buddies outside and inside. There are so many memories with all of them. Before this I cared for her in cages at petco when I decided to adopt her.

I miss her so much. I feel like my life is over. She did not want to leave us. She was fighting to stay as long as she could. She was so scared and did not understand what was happening to her, her back legs were paralyzed and she was still trying to drag herself to be with us and come home 😭 That actually happened on the way to dvm, she had been open mouth breathing before that.

I feel like I can’t live with this pain and guilt and the unbearable loneliness, there is no one left now from that time of my life. To make matters worse my family went nuts and were trying to force me to let her die at home which would have been horrific. They behaved horribly to me. It made everything 50 mil x worse. 😭💔

Rip my sweet Sybil snow goddess April 2001- May 11, 2018

My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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Mackysmum
I'm so sorry for your great loss of your special Sybil its truly the hardest thing to face , to lose such a great friend .
Sybil sounds like she was a strong girl , a fighter till the end ❤
The shock was to protect you , the day my boy left it felt unreal , then it hit me strong its truly a shocking pain , sorry your having to go though that .
I understand were your coming from as you say you don't know what to do with yourself now as you were a full time carer for Sybil . I was the same with macky for roughly 1 year he became high care as well , the medications to the in between with taking them to the toilet and walks it in a way was a full time job " that we loved doing " . It does take time to adjust to a new routine at first I walked around like a zombie and I was very scared , i can tell you that , thispart does get easier with time . After about a month I got into a new routine and it wasn't as overwhelming , hard to believe right now but it will happen .
It's a lovely community on here we all share the same feelings and thoughts for the love we have lost , if your up to it keep posting your thoughts and feelings , it does help to express and just be arpund people that really understand .
Your Sybil sounded very loved by you and she loved you very much back , its a bond that does not break even after death .
I take comfort in believing that my boy is waiting at the after life for me , he's happy and restored back to health and I know he would be upset to see me suffer just like your Sybil would
Hugs to you I'm very sorry it hurts its crazy and its not fair
Xxx
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catiebee
I am so, so sorry for your pain and for the awful loss. It hurts so badly to miss them. 

Sybil sounds like a lovely creature. I wish words could ease the grief, but I well know they can't. I send sincere condolences and hugs!
Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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dachsiemom
I am very sorry about the pain you are experiencing.  This is a club no one wants to join, but I am glad that you have found us.  We cannot make the pain go away, but we are always here to "listen" to you, day or night.  I found that very helpful when my Brandon died in March.  The shock and grief seem unbearable, and yet they must be borne.  You will probably find yourself crying a lot.  Just let yourself cry; it is part of the healing process.  It is unfortunate that your family is making this ordeal even more difficult than it needs to be.  You sound like the very best kind of pet owner.  Just keeping a dog with serious health problems alive until the age of 17 is an accomplishment,  Sybil would probably not have had such a long life with a less dedicated owner.  And when the end was near you did the responsible thing for your beloved friend.  When I realized that Brandon was dying I took him to the vet so that he could die peacefully in my arms.  That is a gift we can give to our faithful companions.  - Dachsiemom
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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CK1991
My heart goes out to you. So painful losing our beloved pets!! I agree with what everyone has said and just want to repeat that we are here for you. Hugs to you!!
CK
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elliemeewiz
Thank so much Mackysmum, daschimom. Catiebee and CK,

I feel better reading your kind words. I had first posted here when my Wizarduni passed 2 years ago, and now I've lost my Syb too. Even though I have been through this 5 x in the last 20 years it never gets any easier and i seem to forget how bad the pain is, and that feeling of terror I get at loosing them. Believe it or not I was working etc while doing all this and my family barely helped me but somehow I managed it as well as keeping her and Quinn separated the past few weeks because he would not stop jumping on Syb. Syb was the most amazing, beautiful cat, not a dog, although she was dog like in many ways, she was part norwegian forest cat and prolly part Siberian too. I will try to post a pic later, I’m so tired now. Today was waves of pain again but I did my best to keep myself busy. Spent a lot of time in bed though trying to avoid pain etc. I'm driving Syb to the funeral parlor tomorrow and we will have a viewing and cremation on Wednesday-I had to put her in a cooler so we cant see her now, that was emotional. Poor Quinn is quiite upset and wonders what happened to her etc. I’m not sure if he understands, she was on the couch layed out for her wake.

I don’t know what happened to them, it was totally crazy and they have never done that before with our other cats, ever. How could they think it’s ok to let her asphixiate at home ??? It was unbelievable. But I know as you say I did the right thing, but it was quite traumatic, that has never happened so I have no explanation. I was so upset that I almost gave up but I could not abandon my precious girl. I wont forget it. I saw a cruel, sick side to them.

I’ll keep writing, I’m a mess. Yes, I hope my new routine will take over, everything feels so weird without her. I spent some time cleaning through her foods and meds etc. I won't give them all away right away, too much too fast can be upsetting. So sorry for all of your losses too of Brandon and your furbabes, hugs to you all. I don’t know how we ever get through this. I like what you said about that bond never being broken Mackysmom. I hope Syb and all my furbabes are waiting for me and enjoying themselves in the meantime. I think I had some signs too maybe. I’m never sure. I miss her so much 😭😿🐾🐾🐾💔

She was very strong Mackysmom, I dont know how she fought all of these diseases, she was even in liver failurand came out of it with denamarin and ursodiol.



My beloved sweet Tess August 1999 - February 21 2001
My beloved loyal Byron March 1998 - April 28 2008
My sweet beloved girlie Angelina April 2001- September 2012
Me & my sweet beloved Wizberry forever 1998- April 21, 2016
My sweet beloved Snow Goddess Sybil girlie April 2001- May 11,2018
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Sooz
I am so very very sorry -- your beautiful Sybil *knows* you love her beyond words.  

I'm so sorry you had to deal with your family's not being compassionate or kind or understanding, when you could have used their support.


Heaven is the place where all the dogs you've ever loved come to greet you.
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Ginger4256
Ellie, I know your pain. It is the worst thing I've ever been through, losing my Boo. Nothing except time will make it easier (that's what I hear anyway). I too had a routine that Boo knew better than I did. He let me know when it was time to eat, go out, trip to park, etc. I don't know what to do now. I sit in our chair and think about him all of the time I am home. This forum is the place to be right now because we understand. Other people say they are sorry and they understand but those are just words. Here, we get it and are suffering with each other. I am so sorry that you have this pain.
Boo' s mommy
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dachsiemom
Sorry I assumed that Sybil was a dog; I guess having recently lost my little dog that is where my mind goes.  i can see from your photos that she was a gorgeous calico cat.  We also have a calico who is more of my husband's special pet.  They are wonderful cats.  As you know from experience the first few weeks after a death are very difficult, the crying jags and sleepless nights until you think you will go crazy.  Eventually you will rally. but it will take time.  Whenever I lose a beloved old pet I start to think about the early days with him.  After watching a dog deteriorate from illness and old age it is bitter sweet to remember him young, frolicking in the yard, playing with a ball.  The years seem to have gone by in the blink of an eye.  Then I try to remind myself of all the happy time we had together.  I hope we can help you to recover, but of course it will take time.  - Dachsiemom 
Moira - remembering Brandon
"Better lo'ed ye canna be. Will ye no' come back again?"
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BeachieGirl33
Hey Ellie ... I just now saw your post and see that you have lost sweet Sybil.  I am so sorry for your loss.  I remember when you lost Wizard and we kind of went through our losses together (I lost Little on February 24, 2016).  I remember how hard it was for you then and now you are going through it all again.  The pain of losing a fur baby is horrific.  I still hurt for my Little and Batman - it will never go away.  We have talked about all of this before and I was so glad when you posted your update about Sybil and Quinn.  I guess Quinn never adjusted to Sybil?  I am sorry your family did what they did to you.  You need support at this time which you will receive from everyone on the forum.  Thank you for sharing the pictures of Sybil with all of us here.  She is so beautiful and I know she will be very much missed.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers.  Take care of yourself Ellie.  Please reach out to me at any time, I will be here for you to help you any way I can.  Sybil will still be right there with you, watching over you, and I know she will send you a special sign to let you know she reached the Rainbow Bridge and is now well and running with her brothers and sisters again.  Big hugs to you Ellie ... Betty
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