ceagle18
I just lost my pug, Sadie. When I was about 9 years old, my parents divorced and for some reason around the same time I started really really wanting a pug. Sadie was that reason. We found her through the National Mill Dog Rescue, and it was love at first sight, for both of us. We went to meet her at her foster moms home, and through the chaos of 4 great danes greeting us, Sadie ran straight to me and crawled in my lap. We were inseparable after that.

I graduated high school at 17 and left home, and maybe saw Sadie once a year. 3 years ago, my mother moved to Florida and so did Sadie. Before we were allowed to bring her home, the rescue paid for a soft pallet reduction surgery, to help prevent Sadie's heart from further enlargement. Last november, Sadies best friend Sandy died, and she mourned through constant howling for weeks, and began to get sick. 

I just visited Florida for 10 days. Sadie had been experiencing seizure like things, where she would pant very heavily, and collapse. That happened twice during my visit. She also turned almost entirely blue and I gave her a few chest compressions and she returned to normal, but I knew her end was coming, because she was nearly 16 years old. 

I held her and cried and told her not to be afraid, that she would be with Sandy soon and be able to run and jump and play like she used to, and that I love her forever. I told her it's okay, go when you are ready.

She gave me the greatest gift, and held on through my entire visit. I left saturday morning, Sadie passed saturday night. I can't help but hate myself for not staying longer, for not being with her as she took her final breaths, and for leaving her again. I wish I couldve stayed, and I wish she didn't have to die alone.

The morning I left, I didn't say goodbye because I didn't want to be a tearful mess when I said goodbye to my grandparents. I am so angry I did that. I should've said good bye. I should have kissed her and held her and made sure she knew how much I loved her before I left, and before she left.

My heart is shattered. I came home to my dog, Roxie, completely heartbroken. Roxie does all she can to comfort me, but I can't stop thinking about the loss of Sadie, and the inevitable loss of Roxie at some point in the future.

What do I do?
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Sampson
My condolences on your loss. Animals just want to know that they are loved. I'm sure Sadie knew and enjoyed the time you spent with her that but if you feel like posting more about why you had to leave and how you are feeling this a good and non-judgemental place to let it all out. My advice from what I've read of your story, would be to honour Sadie and her memory through letting your dog Roxie, who is here with you now, know how much she is loved. Spend time with her and let her know she is a big priority in your life. You've said she does all she can to comfort you and that's a great thing. Dogs love to help their owners but by giving Roxie what you may feel you were unable to give Sadie, you will feel more fulfilled. Sadie will approve and may send you signs to let you know she is okay and you need to now focus on Roxie and being happy.
I hope this is helpful and I wish you peace. Please do post an update on how you (and Roxie) are doing.
Take Care my dear,
Sam
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ceagle18
I had to leave because my mom lives in southwest florida but i live in arizona, and my flight was that day, so sadly it was just bad timing, and I had to make the flight to be back at work on time. My mother thinks she may have wanted to be alone and waited for me to leave for that reason, I just feel horrible knowing she passed alone (my mom was driving home from dropping me at the airport when she died). 
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