I lost my cat on March 4, very unexpectedly. I found out in January of 2017 that he was born with a heart defect, after he threw a clot to his little lungs. The vet told me I was very lucky I didn’t lose him at that time & warned me that he may still not pull through. Praise the Lord, he did, but now I’m siting here three years later without him. I had just come home from being gone 10.5 days and as soon as I got home, I noticed he wasn’t okay. When I called the vet, he told me he probably was just upset with me because I had been gone and that he would probably be fine in a few days as our routine got back to normal, but I knew in my heart this wasn’t the case. I had traveled before (and had people come check on them daily, obviously) and he had never reacted that way before. EVERY TIME I came home he would immediately purr and want to be with me non-stop, as I did with him.
That evening after things seemed to worsen I took him to an emergency vet which turned out to be an AWFUL experience. The man that was working there was horribly insensitive and so rude. I left after spending $600 for x-rays.
I took him to our normal vet the next morning and after a few hours he called to tell me it wasn’t good & that I needed to send him to Heaven. I was shocked, I wanted to bring him back home. I wanted him to be okay. I cannot even BEGIN to explain to you what this cat means to me. That afternoon I went in and spent time with him and told him I would see him again. He didn’t feel good. His breathing had become labored bc his lungs were filling with fluid and his heart was enlarged and he had thrown clots to all his limbs. It all happened to fast. I’m still in shock. The vet (very kindly) told me that if I didn’t let him go, and brought him home, he would suffer tremendously over the next 24 hours, if he made it that long.
I am dealing with feelings of guilt, for leaving those 10.5 days, even though he was my sweet, happy boy the day I left. I feel guilt for his hurt. I feel guilt for letting him go - even though I KNOW in my heart I did what was right because he would’ve suffered and I NEVER wanted that. And I am at a total loss. That boy did EVERYTHING with me. He would wake me up in the middle of the night just for extra cuddles. I would set my alarm early to get cuddles before work. I’m a nanny so I worked from home and spent all day with him. If he wasn’t coming to find me throughout the day, I would go find him, just to spend time together. He would come to the workout room with me, he would eat lunch with me, he would take naps with me. We did EVERYTHING together. And now he’s gone. And I can’t sleep in my own room - I can barely walk in there. I can’t stop crying. I’ve just been able to eat again the last couple days. My home makes me sad. Songs make me sad. And the only time I feel remotely okay is when I think of seeing him again in heaven. Because I know he’s okay, more than okay up there. But I AM NOT OKAY without him, I don’t physically know how to live without him. Someone help me. I don’t know what to do.