Tiger07
i had two cats. 11 years old. brother and sister from the same litter.  on sunday i had to have the boy put to sleep after 3 weeks of illness.  the signs of the illness were quite subtle at first but then he went downhill really fast in the last week or so.  he was spending time in the garden and in the house, i could tell that he was in the process of dying, even though things were inconclusive.  i am trying to make peace with the decision to euthanize him.  i am heartbroken, but hoping that this will get easier in time. 
the problem i have now is that his sister is obviously distressed.  he was put to sleep at the vets clinic, not at home and i left him there to be cremated.  i had been thinking of bringing him home to show to his sister in the hope that it would help her to understand what had happened, if i could then return him to the vet to arrange his cremation (there is no way i could bury him)  i was advised against this by my family though and i agreed that it would be too traumatising for me and my son to do this. 

so, i know that i should be comforting chloe and spending lots of time with her but she refuses to come in from the garden.  i try to not force the issue with her but i have been picking her up to bring her in sometimes.  she will not often remain in the house though and when she does, she spends her time just on the window sills, where she can see outside, she is agitated though, she has on occasion fell asleep in the window, but then runs off out again pretty much as soon as she wakes up.  i bought a feliway plug in, hoping this might help her to feel more relaxed in the house.  sometimes i sit in the garden with her and she will accept cuddles on the lounger with me, it isnt practical for me to spend all my time in the garden with her though and i am due back at work (37 hours a week) on monday.  chloe has never been home alone as she and tiger have been pretty much inseparable since birth. she is barely eating. i know that cats can have antidepressants from a vet, i can not afford more vet treatment at the moment though, due to tigers vet fees recently.  i wish that chloe and i could spend time together to try to get over tigers illness and death but she doesnt understand and i am pretty sure she that she doesnt understand that he wont be coming back.  i do not know if she avoids the house because she senses the negative energy left over from his illness in here, or if she wants to be in the garden to wait for him to come back :(  


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Mistysmama
Yes she must miss him very much. But how was Chloe last year this time? And the year before? Did she want to stay out more in the late Spring/early Summer?
I ask because I know a cat who will not come in from May through till October. Well....she will for food, or or a quick cuddle, but treats her room like a nuclear fall-out zone. Then when October comes she's happy to be in. Sometimes her reaction to being inside is over-dramatic considering the room is peaceful and lovely, with everything there she needs. And it is a place she loves in the Winter and hates in the Summer!

But of course it depends. If Chloe has never been like that before, then she must be grieving and maybe worried because he's not in the house. They do wonder where the others have gone, and can be upset.

I don't think showing her his body would have helped. She might not have understood like we do.
She will find her own level I think. Animals feel deeply but they come round I find, quicker than some humans do after the passing of a family member. But keep an eye on her and give her lots of love -also freedom to do what she is comfortable with at the time.
Make sure she has a water bowl outside. But not her food. Make it clear she has to come in for food. Keep a door open, or make a bed for her in the porch or whatever you can, so if it rains she has shelter while she makes up her mind what to do next.

If a cat is depressed, it won't want to do anything except sit about, won't show any interest in anything, even food sometimes. They may wash a lot more than they need to, or even not groom at all. Sometimes they just sleep more, or act very scared all the time.
Kindness and gentleness will help her but keep an eye on her for signs of clinical depression. Normal grieving and adjustment is natural and not necessarily pathological.
Hold the love like a little light. It is all you have, or will ever have, to find your way home.

Misty's Blog..a Dogfight with Cancer http://www.mistysblog69.blogspot.co.uk

Misty's life after death: http://www.dog2spirit.com
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Tiger07
thanks for your reply. she is usually quite a home body, she normally has a good balance of being in and being outside. total freedom with a microchip reading cat flap. now though she is just sitting in the garden, keeping an eye on the walkway at the side of the house were tiger would jumped down from the fence and come trotting around from his adventures at the front of the house.  she did stay in my room last night, on the window sill for the full 8 hours when previously she would have loved to have been on my bed, i did manage to coax her to come to me on the bed for about ten mins this morning.  i suppose in time she will come to terms with the fact that her brother is not going to return. its so hard for animals isnt it, because they have no understanding of what actually happened, all they know is that  their companion is not there anymore :(
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CK1991
Hi Tiger07,
I'm so sorry for your loss. From reading your post I think that Chloe is very confused and upset. I would suggest letting her see you cry and grieving with her so that she understands and begins to accept the loss of her brother. I would also try and spend as much time as possible with her before you go back to work. Is there anyone who could check on her during the daytime when you are back to work so she is not so alone. I am worried because of her age and the loss she has already suffered that she may not be able to cope. Are you able to take a few sick days or even half days to spend with her?
I had 2 little dogs and I would sometimes give them Benadryl on car trips to make them sleepy and help them to relax. It might be helpful next week for Chloe. A pharmacist could tell you if you asked. Not as expensive as the vet meds for sure. Please do post again on how she is doing and also how you are doing.
Good luck and God bless!
CK
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