mikeytz

I had to say goodbye to Sugar a couple days ago.  She was first diagnosed with kidney failure 9 months ago.  I did everything I could to treat her condition...  Prescription food, daily subcutaneous fluids, supplements, medications, surgery to input a fluid tube so I didnt have to needle her every day, and monthly blood tests.   At first, she did great...  all I was doing was able to manage her kidney functions.  I didnt care about the cost...  I cared about her.  So I did what I was told.  I visited several vets and was told that I was just prolonging her life, but that her condition was ultimately terminal.  2 weeks ago, she got sick again and stopped eating.  She was in the hospital for 3 days.  But they were able to stabilize her.  But when I picked her up, I was warned that she was at the end stage.  Her kidneys could no longer function and all the money in the world couldn’t save her. It was just a matter of time.  I continued to follow protocol with hee treatment, but on Monday, April 13th, she stopped eating, stopped drinking, and didnt want to leave bed.   I made the decision that it was time and I feel guilty about it.  I just didnt want her to suffer and get so sick to the point that she was in pain.  I had my home vet come over that night to help her along.  I had her for almost 7 years.... and I have never dealt with this type of loss before.  As a kid, I didnt have any pets, so this is hitting me especially hard.  I dont know what to do.  Im trying to stay positive, but I cant.  Its been 2 days and I miss her terribly.  Thank you to anyone who is reading this.  


Mike


MT
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SherryM
Mike,
Please know how sorry I am for your loss. All of here understand this horrible pain you are going through, what we are all going through together. I lost my precious one two days ago as well, and also had to make that painful decision to end things for her before she died an even more painful death from incurable cancer. I feel cheated of the time we should have had together. There are no words to express this sadness. We can do everything in our power to try to save them, but too often, nature has other plans beyond our control. You did all you could, and she knew it. She knows it now, where her spirit is without pain and suffering. 

The lonliness and emptiness are the hardest for me. This forum helps immensely, just to know I am not alone in my experience or feelings. Keep coming back here, it helps. Take things one day at a time, one hour at a time. I find journaling and writing to her helps me process my thoughts and feelings. Take care of yourself, try to go outside. Look at photos of the happy and healthy times. Also cry your eyes out when you need to. We have to feel it and let it out. Sending you a hug with a warm heart. 
Sherry Morgado 
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mikeytz
Sherry...  Your kind words mean the world to me.  And I thank you.   Im a single, childless, 37 year old successful professional man and here I am crying over a 4lb chihuahua.  But you and I both know she was more than that.  Thank you for reading my story.  Even in my broken state of mind, I am wishing you the best and all of my prayers for you and the loss of your baby.  I have thought about starting to journal....  And Im trying to leave the house as much as I can.  I dont know what else to do.  But you are right... one day at a time.  Peace and love to you Sherry.  Thank you again for hearing me.
MT
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mybestgirlSiffie
@mikeytz Reading your post I can feel the love you had for Sugar. You did everything you could, you went above and beyond for her. I'm grieving right now for the first dog I ever had, though I've had a couple cats in my life whose passing was painful. Still, what I'm experiencing now is so different than anything I've felt before... Yesterday someone told me, "Don't ask anything of yourself except to deeply grieve." Perhaps that will help in knowing what to "do". Just grieve in whatever form that takes. Thank you for sharing with us here.
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bernadettelevis
@mikeytz
I feel tour pain. I had to let my baby go on Tuesday april 14th. He had a bloat. survived two emergency surgeries in 3 days but didn’t recover from that.
Believe me when i say that I also feel guilty. Although I know we tried almost everything.
I don’t even know what to tell you except that I am feeling the same as you. I feel lost and this is the most painful thing I ever had to go through. 
I honestly don’t know when I how I am goin to recover from that. Just know that you are not alone and hopefully it will get easier for us with time...thinking of you ❤️
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Pecan_mom
@mikeytz 
I am so sorry for your loss.  My dog Pecan suddenly passed away on March 20th.  She was happy and healthy until 8 hours before she passed away.  I miss her so much.  At first I was shocked, mad, sad but most of all guilty for not being able to save her.  So many what ifs and I should have.. was going on in my head.  I searched for days and hours for an answer because it happened so fast we don’t know the exact cause of death.  Now I know it was her time to and I did everything in my power and to the best of my knowledge to save her.  I miss her so much and I cry everyday because I miss seeing her beautiful face and miss her warm hugs.  She was my best friend, my confidant, my sole mate and my perfect dog.  Please don’t feel guilty.  You did everything for Sugar and she knows that. She knows how much you love her.  I believe they are still with us in spirit.  Please take care of yourself and give yourself time.  It will get better in time.  I still cry everyday but I’m also able to celebrate her life and think about the amazing 9 years we had together.  Please feel free to share your thoughts here.  We are here for you. 
Sp
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JulieF
Hi Mike,

I am so sorry for your loss!  Sugar was certainly lucky to have a dad like you.  You have found the right place because everyone on this forum knows what you are feeling and will offer lots of love and support - especially during this terrible time when we are feeling so isolated.  Just a quick note - I lost my boy cat Patch last Monday to kidney disease - he was with me for 19 years since he was a kitten.  He also started to get sick and stopped eating - I knew it was time to put him out of his misery.  At the end he was so skinny (even though I tried to shove as much food as he would eat into him - but cats are not always very compliant).  You did the right thing for her - your brain knows that, but your heart does not because that is where she lived - and now there is a hole.  Do not beat yourself up over what you did or that you feel so lonely without her.  She was a part of you.  A very good friend of mine shared something with me last week when I talked to her about what I was going through.  She told me that all of the time we used to spend caring for them - giving them their meds, their food, walking them, etc. - is now empty and we have not figured out how to fill that time.  I will tell you that in the first few days, the grief was almost unbearable - I felt like I was drowning in it.  It would come in waves (more like a tsunami) and I just wanted to curl up in a ball.  However, ever so slightly, every day, I feel a tiny bit better.  I spent some time writing down my memories of Patch - I cried a lot, but I also smiled a lot.  I know it hurts, but please know that this is normal.  Be thankful you had her for 7 wonderful years.  You guys were a team - and now that team is only one.  This forum is a godsend and is judgement free.  

Hugs to you and bless you - you are in my prayers.
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chilover
Mike.
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved Sugar. Your story is similar to my own as I too lost my Chihuahua to Kidney failure & she was my only child. I am so glad that you found this forum as people understand exactly how painful loosing a furbaby is. Thankyou for sharing the picture of Sugar, it is beautiful. I have never in my life experienced pain or loss to this degree & coming to this forum has been both a saviour & a huge comfort. It will be for you too. You did everything you could for your girl & could not have done anymore, you were a kind, caring, loving pet parent. When my Chihuahua 'Daisy' was 1st diagnosed with kidney failure her numbers were sky high. She was put on prescription food and was taking the phosphorus binder "Ipakatine". These managed to stabilise her, her numbers went back to normal & she was much better & brighter although she was anemic. She had arthritis too & was put on steroids which also helped a great deal with her appetite which also stabilised her weight. 1 year later she went downhill & her blood levels increased again, and although the vet said they weren't dangerously high, her quality of life became poor & she was more or less just existing. She seemed confused, very weak& dropped down to 2kilos when she died. She was never offered any other treatment within that year. I miss my baby so much & I'm living only for her - to keep her memory alive. I hope that you keep posting, it is a comfort to us all who are grieving.

Sending you comfort & peace
Angelina 
( Daisy's mummy)
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Alanfar
Mike
I am so sorry to hear about Sugar. I just lost my beloved Fancy yesterday and it is like the world has fallen apart. I have cried so many tears and thought about the what if's and I should have dones. My daughter has taken this the hardest as it was her dog. I told her what I am going to tell you. Sugar found you because God knew Sugar is what you needed. Like my Fancy I am sure she gave you so much love and knew she was loved. Letting go of our Chihuahua was the worse thing that has happened. You did everything possible but sometimes  it just happens. I begged to God not to let anything happen to Fancy but still it did. You are a good Dad to Sugar and she knows it. The love we give to them is given back tenfold.  Stay strong and it is ok to feel whatever that comes up.


alan farlowe
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mikeytz
Thank you to everyone who has read my story!  Im taken back by the love and support from you all!  Even though we are strangers, I find grace in knowing we are all commonly connected by our tribulations with our beloved pets!!!    Im still dealing.... Im trying to stay strong....   Sleep is not my friend.  Focus is not my friends.  But Im taking it one day at a time.   At the moment.... I really dont want to be here without her.   But all of your love and support is making believe that there may be light at the end of the tunnel.   So thank you all... From the bottom of my heart! Lets please continue to talk about our beloved pets....   They are more than just dogs and cats!   Sugar was my savior!  I pray and hope she is still with me, the same way I pray and hope that your babies are still with you!   Peace and love to you all!

MT
MT
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Alanfar

Mike
it really does help coming here and just expressing how we fell. This morning I woke up thinking I was better till I came down to fed my other babies . I see Fancy’s orange dog bowl and it breaks my heart . I had a routine with her each morning . I would give her her favorite dog treat but I would always give it a little kiss before I gave it to her. Then she would place it so gingerly in her mouth and turn around  and go to her bed to eat it .
it just hit me so hard today that she is not here and I will never do that again. I want my memories of her to be happy ones but it is just still too raw  right now. I listen to From here to the moon and back and it just mad me miss her so much .
Please keep coming back to post. It does make it feel a little better to talk about our fur babies on here 

alan farlowe
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