Haley was my first dog. We had dogs growing up but I raised Haley on my own from a pup to a week after her 16th birthday.
My 20s were tough. There were so many times the only thing I had left was the love for Haley and that's what kept me going.
When Haley got older I started to worry that I'd lose myself when the day came we had to say goodbye.
That day was July 10th...
I made the decision to put her to sleep after the doctor told me she had a mass in her abdomen. Haley was always such an independent, sassy and proud dog... I wanted her to leave this world the way she lived in. I wasn't going to wait a week and see what happened. She was 16. There wasn't a good ending no matter what I decided.
I stayed with her through the entire procedure. My Mom was with me and my Dad was in the waiting area.
The whole experience was so... out of body... I couldn't believe it was happening... that image of her body on the soft blanket she was laying on... it haunts me at any moment I'm not 100% distracted.
My Dad, because I couldn't, picked up her ashes and paw print this past Tuesday. The paw print did me in... I guess it somehow finalized her being gone.
I've never experienced this level of pain. I cry on my way to work, way home and at night. Don't sleep well and am choking back tears when I'm around people. The pain is suffocating. I feel alone. I feel that there isn't another person I can go to that would truly understand. Some days I just don't know if I can live in this agony... some days I get angry she's gone... some days I cry until I have a migraine... some days I want to punch the wall because maybe that pain will distract how utterly crushed and lost I feel.
I would do anything to have my girl... my best friend... the better part of me back.
I was worried that I'm handling things the wrong way because how could someone be this sad about losing a dog... or that's what I perceive people to think of me... it doesn't make me feel better to have found this site but I do feel like I'm not the only one.
Well.... back to the lost world of suffocating heartache....
Quote 0 0
Lars, I am so sorry for your loss. You truly are not alone. I had to put down my beautiful 14 year old border collie then my 14 year old gorgeous husky 2 years later. It's just heartbreaking. I have a huge hole in my heart and my tears still flow for my babies. I hope you feel better with time.
Quote 0 0
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet dog. I understand the pain you are experiencing. We put our beloved dog, Reese, to sleep tonight, and the grief feels overwhelming. I hope that you can surround yourself with compassionate family and friends who understand the pain of losing a pet. I'm sending a hug your way. I wish I could be there with you in person as you grieve.
Quote 0 0