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Shanamylove

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Reply with quote  #16 
Lorrae22,
I am so sorry you had to go through that. I had my precious girl cremated and her remains are contained in a very big heavy duty clear plastic bag inside a nice mahogany box. Her name is inscribed on a gold plate. Her box slides from the underside and I occasional he take out her remains and clutch them to my chest and lay in bed. This actually helps me, but not much. I speak to her remains and I show Chip, my remaining surviving dog, her remains. Of course he has no idea that that is her. You do whatever you need to do to help you cope. This is different for everyone for him what I am quickly finding out. I have moments where I cry nonstop and then I have moments where I don't feel a thing. I go back-and-forth with my emotions. Don't let anyone rush your grieving process. When you are ready and you know when that time will be, you will look at her remains. It may bring you comfort it may not. But the most important thing is that you have your precious there with you.

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Millie
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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #17 
Yes i feel like something will tell me when it is time. It is far too soon for me to get rid of his stuff. ......we need to listen to ourselves on this and take our time to heal.
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lorrae22

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Reply with quote  #18 
We haven't gotten rid of any of her things or washed the dog blankets, so my other two Dachshunds can smell her. They haven't been so eager to do much either. I sleep with her toy, that we called her baby, under my pillow. It has never been washed. I cleared a shelf in my room to put her remains on and there is a picture of her there too. Every night I hold the box and cry. Talk to her. If fact, we lost power for over 24 hours Sunday morning and stayed at my parents house. My husband asked what I needed from home and I told him I would go back over and get my things when he got back. I had to say goodnight to her. I almost took her to my parents. When I got back to my parents, my husband asked if I brought Daisy with me. He knew!
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Dawn L Johnson
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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #19 
Yes and it may sound strange to others but if it is what we need to do to heal then we need to do it
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Shanamylove

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Reply with quote  #20 
Adv2112,
I have no intentions of getting rid of anything of Shana's. I can't !! It's still a difficult adjustment when I walk in the kitchen and see her bowls there. It's almost as if I'm waiting for her to come and continue feeding. Chip occasionally will sniff around them. I feel worse for him actually. He must be so confused. Every time the front door opens he runs excitedly hoping to see her run in. We're both broken hearted.

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Millie
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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #21 
:( aww so sad. Wondering where his little friend is
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elliemae

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Reply with quote  #22 
So very sorry for your loss.  I lost my 12 almost 13 year old yorkie last month to cancer.  Not as suddenly as you did but he was gone in 6 weeks and I am still reeling from it.   I know what you mean about the crying; people tell me things will get better I cant wait cos I hate feeling like this and I know he wouldnt want me to.


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elizabeth a. cannon
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Shanamylove

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Reply with quote  #23 
Elliemae
Thank you for your condolocenses. I am sorry for your loss as well. I have noticed that I cry differently now. When she first passed I was crying constantly, now I'll break down cry like crazy and recover quickly. I have no idea why. I have been trying to keep busy and distracted to keep from thinking of her constantly. If we are not careful, this grief can over take us. I know our beloved pets would not want that for us. Eventually, this too shall pass, we will feel better. I almost feel guilty for wanting to rush this grieving process. I am tired of hurting so much. I can't help but to feel envy and hate for people who have living pets I think why couldn't Shana be alive? I want to stop feeling this way

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Millie
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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #24 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Shanamylove
Elliemae
Thank you for your condolocenses. I am sorry for your loss as well. I have noticed that I cry differently now. When she first passed I was crying constantly, now I'll break down cry like crazy and recover quickly. I have no idea why. I have been trying to keep busy and distracted to keep from thinking of her constantly. If we are not careful, this grief can over take us. I know our beloved pets would not want that for us. Eventually, this too shall pass, we will feel better. I almost feel guilty for wanting to rush this grieving process. I am tired of hurting so much. I can't help but to feel envy and hate for people who have living pets I think why couldn't Shana be alive? I want to stop feeling this way


I can relate. The first two days i was bawling so much. Then it felt like I wasn't crying as much. Now i can go out in public and semi functioning but....then I'll start this silent sob. Guess good thing its silent. Lol. But it will overtake me and then just as quickly its gone. Like a wave. I think grief just does that and we are perfectly normal.
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Shanamylove

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Reply with quote  #25 
Hi Adv2112,
Well I've been "cry free" for a few days now. It's good not to cry as much but i do feel a little guilty. I find my little dog Chip doing something strange. He stands outside of their room as stares intently as if someone is standing there but there is no one. He's been doing this quite a bit. I don't know why? I wonder if it's a visitation from Shana. He too has been so sad also, it breaks my heart. I reassure him how much I love him, that's the only thing I can do for him.

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Millie
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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #26 
Aww.... Shanamylove maybe it IS a visitation!! I really thought that I was the only one seeing it. And she might just be saying it because she heard me say it, but my daughter said she saw orange hue haze on the recliner. Where Leo used to sit. Was his favorite spot to sleep if he wasn't cuddling me! Still has an indentation on it from him....and even mud on it still from that night he got out:( :( but my daughter petted the air above it and said well maybe its Leo and I'll pet him. Kids can sense spirits. I really want to dream of him so I can see him again even if briefly.
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155

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Reply with quote  #27 
ADV2112 I tried to describe the pain to a friend of mine regarding my dear cat I had to put to sleep. I told her as you described it..it seems to come in waves. I can be distracted and busy and then out of nowhere it hits me. Then if I'm out in public I just kind of shut down and want to get home as fast as possible, or, if I'm at home I have to stop dead in my tracks and lie down and cry and sob.
When I get so much in despair like that I have to tell myself that my fur baby would not want me to be that way. He always tried to comfort me when I was feeling sick or down so that's what he would want now.
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Adv2112

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Reply with quote  #28 
Yes. The first 3 days I actually just wanted to feel that sadness. I longed to be able to sob again and just miss him. Its like a physical, heavy feeling....:( and yes our animals would have wanted us to remember the good times. The precious moments. I am fortunate i have two short videos....I had one in which Leo would do his famous meow that sounds exactly like Ma ma!!! I heard this daily for the last 6 years so this is going to be so hard. Sadly I seem to have lost that video! However I found baby kitten pics of him. It occurs to me that in 2012 is when my health went downhill.....and thats the year I got him so he was with me during some of the darkest and physically painful times right there with me and grew up with my daughter. Too as she was 2 when we got him......so yeah. This is going to take time and I don't think I'll ever be completely the same.
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155

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Reply with quote  #29 
Adv2112,
Yes I've talked to you before about Leo. I didn't know that you had been through such trying times regarding your own health. I'm so sorry to hear that. Yes our babies are there through our rough patches whatever they may be and I think we tend to overlook this when they are well. When they're gone the significance of it hits us like a ton of bricks.
I know our lives will never be the same because a huge part is missing. It's heartbreaking that our pets cannot live as long as us but I always worried that if I went before my baby who would love and take care of him the way I did? In that respect I find some comfort in that he went before me... but by the same token I would have been willing to give up 10 years of my life if he could have been spared. Strange how love and grief play out.

(Hugs) to you and a prayer for dear Leo


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Shanamylove

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Reply with quote  #30 
155,
You hit the nail on the head!! I had wondered so many times if I had died before Chip or Shana who would take care of them? No one is going to love or take care of our pet(s) the way did. In that regard I am glad that she went before me. We truly don't realize how much of a huge part they are in our lives until they are no longer there. I would give anything for just a minute, just one to be with her one more time. I miss her terribly.

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Millie
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