macysfam
I am very sorry for how long this is about to be, but I needed to get it off my chest and this is the only place I could do it. My sweet boy Macy had been having some issues the last 1-2 months with his back legs giving out, needing to be let out constantly day and night, and had a mass on the back of his left leg that suddenly doubled in size and opened overnight. We took him to the vet to have the mass looked at and were told that they believed it was a nerve sheath tumour and felt a bit of thickness in his abdomen so they suggested abdominal x-rays that came back normal. They said that the mass on his leg most likely needed to come off to be sent to pathology, but they needed us to come back for more tests as he was very afraid of vets and was a large dog with a mix a chow-chow and German shepherd. My mother, grandmother, and I took him to the vet again a few days to a week after the original appointment, and by that point the mass was bleeding every time he sat down. They scheduled him for surgery on Tuesday, July 30th and had very high hopes of it being a very simple and easy surgery and recovery, but we all had some concerns as we have had him since I was about 8 years old and he was about 8 months, and he was now about 12 years old. We took him in for surgery and my mom and I didn't really feel good about it, but it went very well except for him popping his incision a little bit when he tried to get up the first time so we had to make sure the bleeding was stopped. They told us he would be very tired for the night and probably not very hungry, so we weren't very concerned when he didn't touch his food or move around very much. He woke me up about 6:30am on July 31st to go out and by the time could think to get my shoes on and go out with him in the yard, he had already fallen while trying to go to the bathroom. I tried a couple times to pick him up and encourage him to try to move, but he was about half my weight and I couldn't pick him up from the laying down position so I had to wake up my mom and dad. I stayed in the living room on the floor with him for a few minutes, but then I decided to start getting ready to go volunteer at my high school's band camp that I just graduated from in June. My dad and I thought he would be fine, so he went to work and dropped me off on his way, but I only said goodbye to both dogs and didn't go over to scratch either of them on the head. That is one of my biggest regrets. Around 10:15, I got a text from my mom saying that my dad was on his way to get me and that Macy was having issues. I think I kind of knew, because as I was telling my old instructor that I had to leave, I kept choking up and my heart was dropping. As my dad finally got to me and we got home, neither of us knew what we were walking into. As soon as we opened the front door, we were stopped by my mom sitting on the floor with my boy's body in front of her. He had passed maybe 5 minutes before we got there after struggling to breathe for a little bit and just not acting right. I proceeded to completely break down and just kept wheezing, half screaming, and at one point my parents had to pull me back because I was trying to wake him up. This was the dog who cuddled on the couch with me because he was afraid of storms, went to me at the vets because I wouldn't let anyone hurt him, and he has been my emotional support growing up from an 8 year old being bullied in school to an 18 year old dealing with chronic illnesses and undiagnosed medical conditions. He was there by my side when I couldn't move from the couch, couldn't eat, and was never away from me if he felt something was wrong. He couldn't be gone. I laid on the floor with him for about 5 hours crying, petting him, whispering how much I loved him and how much of a good boy he is, and cuddling with him one last time. I felt his body become cold and rigid in my hands, but any time I would subconsciously twitch or audibly breathe, I would become convinced that it was him and he wasn't actually gone. The only time I left his side was to walk 10 feet away so I could get some scissors to clip off a bit of fur. I would have stayed there all day and night, but my mom spoke to my dad around 3:30 and I knew it was because he was starting to smell, but when they came out with the sheet to cover him I broke down again, and got worse when they finally got his face covered and I knew I would never see him again. I watched them bury him and held onto my other dog who didn't really understand what was going on. I had cried myself to the point I was near getting sick, had a very intense migraine, and couldn't eat or drink enough to even take an Advil. It's been one week, and I still can't stop crying or thinking about him unless I'm doing something with other people to distract myself and keep getting convinced that he's still there and I catch him or hear him moving in all of his normal spots. I keep thinking he's going to run up as I'm walking in the door, and I still wake up between 3 and 6am to let him out, only to re-live what happened. I can't walk on the spot he died in and have to swerve to the right as soon as I get in the door because it's almost like I'm afraid I'm going to step on him or something. My best friend won't really listen to what I'm feeling or let me talk to her about it, so I haven't been able to talk about it with anyone and I quite honestly don't know what to do. He was my best friend, my support crew, and I feel so guilty for all of the times I got frustrated with having to let him out every 20 minutes, not petting him enough, and especially not petting him before I left that morning and then actually leaving the house and not being there when he passed. My mom kept trying to reassure me that he knew how much I loved him and he was happy with me going to every vet appointment he's ever had and holding him through almost every storm, but I can't help feeling that it wasn't enough. I keep thinking I shouldn't be this messed up over an animal, but he was so much more than just a pet to me, and I'm just kind of stuck in this pit that is obviously there even when I'm doing something. I can't put on a real smile in any pictures my parents tried to take on our 3 day trip to New York, and I just don't feel anything but sadness and a feeling of being lost right now. If anyone reads this whole thing, thank you so much for bearing with me and allowing me to ramble
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Mygoodboy
I too suddenly lost my dog. 4 days ago. I've had him since he was 8 weeks old, he was only 9 years when he passed and I am in such a downward spiral. I just posted in the cancer support forums. I wish I could reach out and hug you because I understand your pain, especially with it being so sudden. I'm so sorry for your loss. I too feel so broken and hurt and lost and I hope both of us can find something to help us through this hard time. Sending internet hugs.
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Jan_H
I am very sorry for your loss of sweet Macy. It is clear that Macy was very special and very much loved. It is normal to have regrets and feel guilt but I am sure that Macy trusted you and knew he was loved by you. It is not unusual for the people close to us to not understand the pain we endure when a furry friend leaves us. People here understand. I hope you will share more about Macy and what you are feeling.

My condolences,
Jan
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jerigraehl
I am so so sorry for your loss honey. I am two weeks and 3 days into my loss and am really struggling with it. This is your first huge heartbreak and I wish for you that it would be your last... I also lost my dog when I was your age. I got him when I was 10 and lost him at 18. He was too young to go. It also haunts me that he died at the vets office - the place he hated more than anything. Your dog knew how much he was loved. There are always regrets - if only I had done.... As I write this I am looking at my cat Sugar Bear. She is 14 and I am so afraid I will lose her now. Animals have always been my family due to growing up in a dysfunctional cold home. The loss of a pet is like no other loss. The love is pure and untainted. It seems so unfair that their life span is so short. They are so intellegent and we love them so much but we only have them a very short time. I wish I could say something to ease your pain. This forum has been a life saver for me. I am sure you will find it helpful too. Grief is so hard. Just when I think I am getting better I crash again. With love there is always pain. But life is not worth living without love. Someday you will be reunited in heaven where there is not suffering or pain I believe. That is my hope for you. Jeri
jerigraehl
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macysfam
Thank you all very much, I am very sorry for all of your losses and I hope that you reach a point of comfort and peace in your journeys. I have lost many animals and people in my life, but even the sudden ones have never felt as hard as this one. We adopted him and my other dog shortly before my first dog passed away of old age, so I believe that a large part of his death being so painful is that he's one of the two dogs that I remember really growing up with and making a ton of memories with. The only thing I can remember about my first dog is when my dad started having to carry her outside and the day she passed away and I didn't understand why everyone was crying around her so I had to have the concept of death explained to me because it was the first one I experienced in my house. Macy was such a stubborn dog who knew commands, but if he came to you when called and you didn't have peanut butter, it was a miracle. He looked like a big tough dog (even got marked as dangerous at a kennel one time after barking while being mishandled), but he was actually the biggest baby of our two. The slightest rain or thunder, the smoke alarm going off, he was up on the couch with me immediately. I appreciate all your words and am comforted in knowing that I am not alone in this journey, and I hope all of you know that you aren't either. I can't wait to see him again in heaven, it will be such a good day when I hear his bark again.
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COOKIES4
macysfam wrote:
I am very sorry for how long this is about to be, but I needed to get it off my chest and this is the only place I could do it. My sweet boy Macy had been having some issues the last 1-2 months with his back legs giving out, needing to be let out constantly day and night, and had a mass on the back of his left leg that suddenly doubled in size and opened overnight. We took him to the vet to have the mass looked at and were told that they believed it was a nerve sheath tumour and felt a bit of thickness in his abdomen so they suggested abdominal x-rays that came back normal. They said that the mass on his leg most likely needed to come off to be sent to pathology, but they needed us to come back for more tests as he was very afraid of vets and was a large dog with a mix a chow-chow and German shepherd. My mother, grandmother, and I took him to the vet again a few days to a week after the original appointment, and by that point the mass was bleeding every time he sat down. They scheduled him for surgery on Tuesday, July 30th and had very high hopes of it being a very simple and easy surgery and recovery, but we all had some concerns as we have had him since I was about 8 years old and he was about 8 months, and he was now about 12 years old. We took him in for surgery and my mom and I didn't really feel good about it, but it went very well except for him popping his incision a little bit when he tried to get up the first time so we had to make sure the bleeding was stopped. They told us he would be very tired for the night and probably not very hungry, so we weren't very concerned when he didn't touch his food or move around very much. He woke me up about 6:30am on July 31st to go out and by the time could think to get my shoes on and go out with him in the yard, he had already fallen while trying to go to the bathroom. I tried a couple times to pick him up and encourage him to try to move, but he was about half my weight and I couldn't pick him up from the laying down position so I had to wake up my mom and dad. I stayed in the living room on the floor with him for a few minutes, but then I decided to start getting ready to go volunteer at my high school's band camp that I just graduated from in June. My dad and I thought he would be fine, so he went to work and dropped me off on his way, but I only said goodbye to both dogs and didn't go over to scratch either of them on the head. That is one of my biggest regrets. Around 10:15, I got a text from my mom saying that my dad was on his way to get me and that Macy was having issues. I think I kind of knew, because as I was telling my old instructor that I had to leave, I kept choking up and my heart was dropping. As my dad finally got to me and we got home, neither of us knew what we were walking into. As soon as we opened the front door, we were stopped by my mom sitting on the floor with my boy's body in front of her. He had passed maybe 5 minutes before we got there after struggling to breathe for a little bit and just not acting right. I proceeded to completely break down and just kept wheezing, half screaming, and at one point my parents had to pull me back because I was trying to wake him up. This was the dog who cuddled on the couch with me because he was afraid of storms, went to me at the vets because I wouldn't let anyone hurt him, and he has been my emotional support growing up from an 8 year old being bullied in school to an 18 year old dealing with chronic illnesses and undiagnosed medical conditions. He was there by my side when I couldn't move from the couch, couldn't eat, and was never away from me if he felt something was wrong. He couldn't be gone. I laid on the floor with him for about 5 hours crying, petting him, whispering how much I loved him and how much of a good boy he is, and cuddling with him one last time. I felt his body become cold and rigid in my hands, but any time I would subconsciously twitch or audibly breathe, I would become convinced that it was him and he wasn't actually gone. The only time I left his side was to walk 10 feet away so I could get some scissors to clip off a bit of fur. I would have stayed there all day and night, but my mom spoke to my dad around 3:30 and I knew it was because he was starting to smell, but when they came out with the sheet to cover him I broke down again, and got worse when they finally got his face covered and I knew I would never see him again. I watched them bury him and held onto my other dog who didn't really understand what was going on. I had cried myself to the point I was near getting sick, had a very intense migraine, and couldn't eat or drink enough to even take an Advil. It's been one week, and I still can't stop crying or thinking about him unless I'm doing something with other people to distract myself and keep getting convinced that he's still there and I catch him or hear him moving in all of his normal spots. I keep thinking he's going to run up as I'm walking in the door, and I still wake up between 3 and 6am to let him out, only to re-live what happened. I can't walk on the spot he died in and have to swerve to the right as soon as I get in the door because it's almost like I'm afraid I'm going to step on him or something. My best friend won't really listen to what I'm feeling or let me talk to her about it, so I haven't been able to talk about it with anyone and I quite honestly don't know what to do. He was my best friend, my support crew, and I feel so guilty for all of the times I got frustrated with having to let him out every 20 minutes, not petting him enough, and especially not petting him before I left that morning and then actually leaving the house and not being there when he passed. My mom kept trying to reassure me that he knew how much I loved him and he was happy with me going to every vet appointment he's ever had and holding him through almost every storm, but I can't help feeling that it wasn't enough. I keep thinking I shouldn't be this messed up over an animal, but he was so much more than just a pet to me, and I'm just kind of stuck in this pit that is obviously there even when I'm doing something. I can't put on a real smile in any pictures my parents tried to take on our 3 day trip to New York, and I just don't feel anything but sadness and a feeling of being lost right now. If anyone reads this whole thing, thank you so much for bearing with me and allowing me to ramble
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COOKIES4
macysfam wrote:
I am very sorry for how long this is about to be, but I needed to get it off my chest and this is the only place I could do it. My sweet boy Macy had been having some issues the last 1-2 months with his back legs giving out, needing to be let out constantly day and night, and had a mass on the back of his left leg that suddenly doubled in size and opened overnight. We took him to the vet to have the mass looked at and were told that they believed it was a nerve sheath tumour and felt a bit of thickness in his abdomen so they suggested abdominal x-rays that came back normal. They said that the mass on his leg most likely needed to come off to be sent to pathology, but they needed us to come back for more tests as he was very afraid of vets and was a large dog with a mix a chow-chow and German shepherd. My mother, grandmother, and I took him to the vet again a few days to a week after the original appointment, and by that point the mass was bleeding every time he sat down. They scheduled him for surgery on Tuesday, July 30th and had very high hopes of it being a very simple and easy surgery and recovery, but we all had some concerns as we have had him since I was about 8 years old and he was about 8 months, and he was now about 12 years old. We took him in for surgery and my mom and I didn't really feel good about it, but it went very well except for him popping his incision a little bit when he tried to get up the first time so we had to make sure the bleeding was stopped. They told us he would be very tired for the night and probably not very hungry, so we weren't very concerned when he didn't touch his food or move around very much. He woke me up about 6:30am on July 31st to go out and by the time could think to get my shoes on and go out with him in the yard, he had already fallen while trying to go to the bathroom. I tried a couple times to pick him up and encourage him to try to move, but he was about half my weight and I couldn't pick him up from the laying down position so I had to wake up my mom and dad. I stayed in the living room on the floor with him for a few minutes, but then I decided to start getting ready to go volunteer at my high school's band camp that I just graduated from in June. My dad and I thought he would be fine, so he went to work and dropped me off on his way, but I only said goodbye to both dogs and didn't go over to scratch either of them on the head. That is one of my biggest regrets. Around 10:15, I got a text from my mom saying that my dad was on his way to get me and that Macy was having issues. I think I kind of knew, because as I was telling my old instructor that I had to leave, I kept choking up and my heart was dropping. As my dad finally got to me and we got home, neither of us knew what we were walking into. As soon as we opened the front door, we were stopped by my mom sitting on the floor with my boy's body in front of her. He had passed maybe 5 minutes before we got there after struggling to breathe for a little bit and just not acting right. I proceeded to completely break down and just kept wheezing, half screaming, and at one point my parents had to pull me back because I was trying to wake him up. This was the dog who cuddled on the couch with me because he was afraid of storms, went to me at the vets because I wouldn't let anyone hurt him, and he has been my emotional support growing up from an 8 year old being bullied in school to an 18 year old dealing with chronic illnesses and undiagnosed medical conditions. He was there by my side when I couldn't move from the couch, couldn't eat, and was never away from me if he felt something was wrong. He couldn't be gone. I laid on the floor with him for about 5 hours crying, petting him, whispering how much I loved him and how much of a good boy he is, and cuddling with him one last time. I felt his body become cold and rigid in my hands, but any time I would subconsciously twitch or audibly breathe, I would become convinced that it was him and he wasn't actually gone. The only time I left his side was to walk 10 feet away so I could get some scissors to clip off a bit of fur. I would have stayed there all day and night, but my mom spoke to my dad around 3:30 and I knew it was because he was starting to smell, but when they came out with the sheet to cover him I broke down again, and got worse when they finally got his face covered and I knew I would never see him again. I watched them bury him and held onto my other dog who didn't really understand what was going on. I had cried myself to the point I was near getting sick, had a very intense migraine, and couldn't eat or drink enough to even take an Advil. It's been one week, and I still can't stop crying or thinking about him unless I'm doing something with other people to distract myself and keep getting convinced that he's still there and I catch him or hear him moving in all of his normal spots. I keep thinking he's going to run up as I'm walking in the door, and I still wake up between 3 and 6am to let him out, only to re-live what happened. I can't walk on the spot he died in and have to swerve to the right as soon as I get in the door because it's almost like I'm afraid I'm going to step on him or something. My best friend won't really listen to what I'm feeling or let me talk to her about it, so I haven't been able to talk about it with anyone and I quite honestly don't know what to do. He was my best friend, my support crew, and I feel so guilty for all of the times I got frustrated with having to let him out every 20 minutes, not petting him enough, and especially not petting him before I left that morning and then actually leaving the house and not being there when he passed. My mom kept trying to reassure me that he knew how much I loved him and he was happy with me going to every vet appointment he's ever had and holding him through almost every storm, but I can't help feeling that it wasn't enough. I keep thinking I shouldn't be this messed up over an animal, but he was so much more than just a pet to me, and I'm just kind of stuck in this pit that is obviously there even when I'm doing something. I can't put on a real smile in any pictures my parents tried to take on our 3 day trip to New York, and I just don't feel anything but sadness and a feeling of being lost right now. If anyone reads this whole thing, thank you so much for bearing with me and allowing me to ramble
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COOKIES4
WROTE YOU A LONG EMAIL ABOUT MACY AND LOST IT DID YOU GET. NOT YELLING LOW VISION MOMMY JOAN SPARKYS MOMMY OF MY PRECIOUS FEATHER BABY COCKATIEL I CALL SPARKY SPIRIT BLESS YOU. I GRIEVE 19 MONTHS NOW HE PASSED SUDDENLY BORN 2/14/1989AND PASSED 12/28/2017 HE HAD HIS LONGEVITY FROM HIS COCKATOO. A COUSIN IN THE PARROT FAMILY WAS NOT READY TO LOSE HIM. MY HEART AND,SOUL ARE WRAPPED AROUND YOU AND YOU NEED TO CALL OUT TO MACY AND ASK HIM TO GIVE YOU A SIGN AS HE IS STILL THERE FOR YOU AND MY SPARKY SPIRIT IS THERE WITH MACY IN RAINBOWSBRIDGE. HE IS BEAUTIFUL AND PLEASE SEND ME A LINK EASY TO READ TO,VISIT HIS HOME HUGS MOMMY JOAN I LIVE IN INDIANA WHERE ARE YOU HIS WALL IN MY BEDROOM SHOWN ALL HIS THINGS ARE HERE HE SPOKE WELL SANG LOVED AND I AM UNWELL HE GOT ME THRU SO MUCH AS MACY DID FOR U AND STILL WILL
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macysfam
Miss Joan, I am very sorry for the loss of your sweet cockatiel, he was a very beautiful little one. Thank you very much for your kind words, I will forever be carrying my Macy in my heart and know that he is always by my side, even though I can't see him. I truly hope you find comfort with time and are able to find a way to cope with whatever life may hand you in the future. It may be unbearably painful for however long we are on this Earth, and we may not understand how we'll get through, but one day we will all be reunited with our beautiful friends and spend eternity with them. Until then, we remember the joy they brought us, the hard times they helped us through, and the incomparable love they taught us. I wish you all the best!
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COOKIES4
THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP AND FEELING MY PAIN GOING TO THE MONDAY NIGHT CANDLELIGHT CEREMONY AT 8PM CENTRAL TIME IT IS A GOOD PROGRAM WITH FRIENDS WHO CARE WE ALL ARE BONDED BY OUR LOSS OF FEATHER AND FUR BABIES JOAN
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macysfam
That's wonderful! I hope you all find some peace in in those moments!
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COOKIES4
HOPE WE WILL
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COOKIES4
PRAYERS AND PEACE
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