Rozy
Hi,

On the 13th of Feb I left my cat in the care of a pet sitter. I had to travel overseas to a far country 12h flight and I did not want him to go through the stress of the flight. My boy was healthy and active. 8 days later the sitter told me that he "expired", her response to my shock was " he is nine". I was devastated by both the news and her insensitivity.

I cannot stop crying and thinking about him, he was my baby and my best friend, he slept next to me every night. I love him more than anything and I cannot believe that he is suddenly gone. I cannot believe that instead of picking him up I will be picking up his ashes! He was healthy and had no symptoms of disease, the sitter also sent me photo updates and he looked wonderful. She told me that he ate and eliminated normally. She even sent me an email 6 hours prior to his passing where she told me that he ate, used the litterbox and slept. According to the contract she should inform me if he gets sick and take him to the vet.

Post mortem report showed that the cause of death was urethral obstruction and that his bladder had acute diffuse ulceration and edema. 90cc of blood was in his bladder.
I cannot stop thinking about his last day on earth, was he in pain? did he show any symptoms? were his symptoms ignored? was there a possibility of saving him if she intervened in the right time? did she lie to me when she said that he used the litter box?

I cannot stop blaming myself for leaving him with her. I had a gut feeling but I ignored it because She has 7 years of experience and works with a reputable agency. I thought I was just being paranoid. Should have trusted my intuition.

I feel guilty for leaving him with the sitter. I feel guilty for not knowing that he had a bladder condition. I don't even understand when and how it developed because he did not show any symptoms. His routine vet visit and blood work was supposed to be on April, I feel bad for not doing it sooner even though he did not show symptoms.

I want my baby, I want to hug him and apologise to him. I am devastated that I don't know how he lived his last day and whether he was in pain? The thought that he was not well taken care of kills me. He lived as a king but I don't know how he died or how it happned
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Katharinelk
I am so sorry you lost your sweet kitty. I know that nothing I can say will ease your pain, but I want you to know you are not alone, and that someone out there understands every single painful thought you are having. Please try not to feel guilty - it is the sitter's fault, NOT yours. I know that is more easily said than believed, but it is the truth. Try to remember the happy times with your kitty, because there were so many, I am sure. Again, easier said than done, I know. I know because my beloved kitty, Amy, died two days ago, and everyone says all the same things to me, but I am wracked with anguish and guilt that I don't think anyone or anything can take away. So, as I said, I know there is nothing I can say that can take away the pain, but I want you to know you are not alone. I am here if you want someone to talk with.
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Rozy
Katharinelk wrote:
I am so sorry you lost your sweet kitty. I know that nothing I can say will ease your pain, but I want you to know you are not alone, and that someone out there understands every single painful thought you are having. Please try not to feel guilty - it is the sitter's fault, NOT yours. I know that is more easily said than believed, but it is the truth. Try to remember the happy times with your kitty, because there were so many, I am sure. Again, easier said than done, I know. I know because my beloved kitty, Amy, died two days ago, and everyone says all the same things to me, but I am wracked with anguish and guilt that I don't think anyone or anything can take away. So, as I said, I know there is nothing I can say that can take away the pain, but I want you to know you are not alone. I am here if you want someone to talk with.


Thanks a lot for your kind reply and I am so sorry for your loss. I understand your anguish and guilt because I am going through the same emotions. Guilt maybe the worst emotion we have to go through after losing our beloved fur babies. My baby was only nine, his passing was totally unexpected and I keep thinking that maybe he had a chance to live longer with timely intervention.

I don't know what happened to lovely Amy but I am sure that she had a wonderful life and that you always had her best interest in mind. Please feel free to talk to me whenever you need to talk about Amy's passing.
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LaGata
Rozy, I am so sorry for your loss. And Katharinelk, I am sorry for your loss too. As I read the words you write, the tears start falling again. Knowing that other people are going thru the same thing I am, feeling the same emotions, having the same doubts..idk there is a connection between us all. There is nothing I can say to take away your pain..
I can't find an outlet for mine. Being here with other people who all have experienced a loss of a beloved has been a great comfort to me
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Katharinelk
Amy got sick pretty suddenly; a week ago today I noticed she was breathing rapidly, and we took her to the ER vet. She had been not finishing her meals for a day or two as well. At first they thought it was heart failure, then they thought asthma exacerbation, then they said she had ARDS, acute respiratory distress syndrome, which is almost always fatal in cats. So we let her go. She went to the hospital on Sunday, and was gone on Wednesday. ARDS is always caused by something else, and I have been driving myself crazy trying to figure out what it was, and what I could have done differently. My poor little girl didn't deserve this. I feel so sad and guilty.

Thanks for listening. Rozy, what was your kitty's name? 9 is way too young. I am so very sorry. :(

LaGata, thank you for your kind words, and I am so sorry you lost your kitty. I am glad I have found others who understand hiw very hard this is.

Hugs to you both.
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Rozy
LaGata
Thanks a lot for your kind words. I am so sorry that you are going through the same emotions. I wish there was a way to take away this pain from all of us.
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Memories_of_Marmalade

Dear Shahad (Rozy),

I am so, so sorry to read of your story and loss of your beloved cat. You can read in all of your writing how much you truly cherished him. I am also very sorry for how you lost your little boy under such circumstances. Please know that you thought he was in safe hands and did what you could do. None of what happened was your fault. Please know that and be gentle with yourself. Your boy would not blame you and would not want you to suffer and be in pain of any kind.

You are not alone. We are with you in spirit and comradship. 

My kindest regards & sincerest condolences,
James
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Rozy
Katharinelk

It seems like this situation happens with many cats. Their health deteriorates all of a sudden. Probably because they are very good in hiding their illness? A similar issue happened to my friend's cat. The cat had ARDS that was initialy misdiagnosed and passed soon after. She was only 7 years old and one of the sweetest cats on earth.

I can totally understand the guilt you are going through because I am going through the same emotions and asking myself the same questions. Did I miss any symptoms? I've been studying bladder diseases since he passed and he did not have any of their symptoms. I don't know what happened but he was an angel and deserved better. I feel that I failed him.


A friend told me that the life of a pet is never predictable. You do your best but other factors determine the outcome. Genetics and predisposition to some diseases, Vet's ability to pinpoint the problem before it is too late, their bodies' reaction to drugs...etc

The most comforting thing to think about is that our babies lived happily in loving homes. They left wonderful memories and paw prints on our hearts.

When my cat was a kitten I named him Sugar. Later on I realized that he resembled an old lady named Rosanna in the way he stares at me, the expressions on his face and the way he sits so I gave him the nickname Rozy.
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Rozy
Memories_of_Marmalade

Thanks a lot,

Indeed, I am sure that my little angel does not want me to suffer. He was my sunshine and he used to comfort me whenever I was upset. But, losing him in such circumstances was very painful, it left me with too many questions that will never be anserwed.
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Rozy
My mornings have been horrible since he passed. I wake up in fear, I have racing heartbeats and restless legs. It is like waking up from your worst nightmare just to realize that it is reality and not a nightmare.
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Bigcatsdad
Rozy,
So very sorry for the loss of your companion. I feel your pain. A month ago we had to put Albert, my buddy, my big black cat to sleep, he was 16. This was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. He developed an inoperable mass in his abdomen, he was hardly eating, drinking and was in pain. I was heart broken and devastated. I didn't realize how mush he meant to me until he passed. I was with him through it all and held him in my arms as he passed an long afterward. The first week was brutal, 3 days I couldn't eat and barely sleep and just cried and cried. I started to get a little bit better then I picked up his ashes and it all started over again. The second week the guilt and regret set in really bad. The "what if's" and "should I have dones". I composed myself and spoke with the vet as I had so many things to ask but just couldn't before. She told me that after Albert has passed and we left him she did another examination of him. The mass in his abdomen was the size of a small orange and was in among his intestines, bowels and pressing into his organs. Given this surgery would not have been possible. She also told me that cats are really good at masking and hiding pain and health issues. They can have tumors, issues with organs, blood issues etc and act perfectly normal. When they do start to show symptoms - not eating or drinking, pain, strange behavior often it is almost too late to do anything. She said that cats and dogs can develop tumors that can stay small for years, then something triggers them to grow and in two weeks it can be terminal. This gave me some comfort in knowing that there wasn't too much else we could have done and as painful as it was, we didn't prolong or let things get worse by putting him to sleep. I still miss him and cry every day.
Letting our little furry loved ones go hurts so bad and is so heart breaking if they pass unexpectedly or if we have to put them to sleep to end pain or suffering. If we give our little ones good loving homes and give them a good life and lots of love maybe we can take some comfort knowing this.
Our pets touch us and make such a difference in our lives and when they have to go it's just heart breaking but the love and bond and their spirit will be with us forever.
I hope over time your heart can somehow heal even though its such a painful process.
My heart goes out to you.
This website and forum is really good. There are so many here going through the same pain and heart break and who understand. It has really helped me a lot.


Bigcatsdad
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Rozy
Bigcatsdad,

Thank you so much for your reply. It is very helpful to hear from people going through the same pain. I am also so sorry for your loss.


I could not eat on the first 4 days and I still need sleep aid to sleep but I am a little better now, but I am sure that everything will start again when I receive the ashes. 
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Furbabies78
Katharinelk wrote:
I am so sorry you lost your sweet kitty. I know that nothing I can say will ease your pain, but I want you to know you are not alone, and that someone out there understands every single painful thought you are having. Please try not to feel guilty - it is the sitter's fault, NOT yours. I know that is more easily said than believed, but it is the truth. Try to remember the happy times with your kitty, because there were so many, I am sure. Again, easier said than done, I know. I know because my beloved kitty, Amy, died two days ago, and everyone says all the same things to me, but I am wracked with anguish and guilt that I don't think anyone or anything can take away. So, as I said, I know there is nothing I can say that can take away the pain, but I want you to know you are not alone. I am here if you want someone to talk with.


The guilt of questioning what ifs and what you could have done differently is literally eating at me everyday. I miss my baby more than anything and wish I could have saved her.
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