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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #16 
Melissa (Rookies mommy) ❤️

I read your story of your Rookie. I’m deeply sorry for the loss of your baby. 💔 your boy is adorable, You are a wonderful mommy to him. He knows that. Know he is watching over you. Its so painfully hard losing our babies. I lost Teddy almost 3 months ago May 6,2018. Just typing that makes me so depressed. I can’t wrap my head around that he’s been gone for 3 months. It doesn’t feel real. Sleeping without them, waking up, going through your day, just everything is painful without them, since Teddy has left I haven’t slept well at all. 3 months of terrible sleep. I sleep in Teddy’s side of the bed now and I sleep with a big body pillow next to me to fill the emptiness in my bed. Keeping busy doesn’t help me either, it’s just a coping mechanism to distract you from dealing with your greif, yes it helps someone what but if that’s all people do then your not dealing with your greif. And I say this not to sound like a lecturer, but to hopefully provide you comfort so you don’t feel bad that keeping busy doesn’t help. Because I know I did at first. I criticize myself like what am I doing wrong. And it’s just greif. You can’t rush it, press fast forward, everyone grieves differently l, there’s not secrets or cheat sheet and it’s a very painful feeling. I feel anxiety, depression, emptiness, so much painful emotions. My heart goes out to you, you’re in my thoughts, sending you warm hugs and comfort. 💛 Share as many photos of your baby boy as you’d like, share 1 at a time or 20 at a time. Whatever helps. I love seeing photos of others babies, and reading their story’s and memories. Keep writing about your baby, it helps. I’m sorry I rambeld

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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #17 
Jenny, thank you for reading about my boy. It makes my heart happy that others can somewhat know him. Gosh, I wish I could fast forward through this part because it's just so incredibly hard. I was out shopping with my Mom and we came across a bunch of cute frames and I told my Mom he's just a picture now. I know he's wonderful memories, etc, but i'm sure you understand what I mean. Next week I have to to go back to work, and I know it will keep me busy, but I also know it means people will expect me to be ready to function in the real world. I liked that you mentioned sleeping on Teddy's side....I took a nap on Rookie's side today. I usually don't nap, but I haven't been sleeping well at all. Rookie's hair is still on his side and I know it'll be so hard when it's gone
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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #18 
Melissa,

You’re welcome 💛 It warms my heart reading about everyone babies but also breaks because we are all dealing with the loss of our babies 💔 it feels weird to even lay on my side of the bed, I tried the first few days Teddy was gone, I couldn’t. So since then I have slept on his side and I completely understand when you said “he’s just a memory, a photo.” It is really hard that people expect us to be over it in such an extremely short amount of time. A lot of people are uncomfortable being around someone grieving. And it’s pretty sad and unfortunate. Before I found this forum, well before I joined this forum which was a month after Teddy passed. Gosh it was a really lonely month dealing with losing Teddy. I talked to no one. The forum has helped. Keep writing about your baby, sharing photos and memories. Hugs 💛

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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #19 
I'm not sure if this is oversharing, so please accept my apologies in advance. My sister texted me today to asked if I put eharmony back on my phone (it was on my old phone, haven't put it on the new one) and when I told her no, she wanted to know why. I've been single for awhile, and I know her heart is in the right place, but I just felt so angry- and hurt with her. How does she not understand this is literally the LAST thing on my mind? I'm lucky I'm (somewhat) eating and functioning each day. I have very little motivation or energy period, there's no way I can give of myself to someone else!!! How is it that family are sometimes the ones who understand the least?
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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #20 
Melissa,

You’re not over sharing. Don’t worry. We need a place to vent where we don’t feel judged or criticized. People (family and friends) we’d assume they would be understanding and sympathetic. Nope. They say some pretty insensitive things. I have been told “it’s a choice to feel this way.” And plenty of other things. “Why don’t you get another dog?” To me, Teddy is my baby, my child. So to me if someone lost a “human baby” I’m pretty sure if I said “why don’t you just get pregnant again and have another baby?” That would be insensitive. I wish people were more compassionate, sympathetic and understanding that they aren’t just pets or dogs. They are our babies/kids, our best friends, we spend 9,10,15+ years with our fur babies. That’s longer than most marriages and careers now days. Our fur babies have been there for us, with us through everything, through good and bad, better and for worse, sickness and health, rich or poor, they don’t care how we look, dress, what we own. They genuinely love us for us. We don’t question if they love us. No matter what they love us. Greif is so hard. Just like you, I don’t have energy or motivation. I hope you find much comfort here, no it won’t take the pain away, it will never go away, but it provides comfort knowing everyone here genuinely understands. 💛

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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #21 
Jenny, thank you for your kind words. They are definitely our best friends.... no matter if I was gone 5 minutes or 5 hours, Rookie was always ecstatic to see me. He always made the day better. I have a gym shirt that says, " I just want to stay home and hang out with my dog," and it's so true- while going out is fine, I was also perfectly content to hang out at home with him. I definitely find comfort here, sometimes I feel like a broken record, but then I remember we're all going through it. This picture makes me smile because it was after a long walk and close to 830 at night.... Rookie wasn't ready for bed! He sure did keep life interesting. ❤

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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #22 
I love the photo, such a sweet happy face 💕
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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #23 
Rookie, my sweet pupaloo: yesterday I moved your ashes, blanket, and toy to the nightstand so you're closer to me. My heart hurts so much having to see you this way, but I think I have a little comfort in you being closer. I can't believe we only had 7 years together. I have SO many great memories, but it seems like time just flew by. I hope you're happy, running on four strong legs again and making someone play fetch with you. I will forever love you . ❤❤
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ourwonderfulkitty

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Reply with quote  #24 
Melissa,

I saw your reply to a post I made on the JennyTeddy thread (about sleep and exercise)

and wanted to reply to you since I discovered you had a thread as well.

My condolences and positive thoughts go out to you about Rookie.

Our Kitty also had multiple health issues and then the other issues came as well (heart disease)
and we did our best to follow the protocol and giving rx, etc even though drs told us
that prognosis was not good, but when she had another relapse they suggested that it was time.

I really liked the pictures you posted - looking in Rookie's eyes is so mesmerizing and I see
such a special and wonderful love and energy there.

(I need to go browse and see how i can reduce size of my images so they will fit in the 330K
size limit that this forum has for posting an image - perhaps I need to change the file format
to something else or do so other conversion)

Again, my thoughts are with you.
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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #25 
Ourwonderfulkitty,
Thank you so much for your kind words. I'm still in disbelief that my Rookie is (physically) gone. I could have never imagined he'd hurt his back, there was no indication. If only I could have convinced him to eat and drink I could have moved forward with treatment. 😔 I really think the condition caused him a lot of anxiety as he liked to move around and investigate everything. ❤ Sometimes I feel like i'm posting too many pictures, but I do like seeing them on the forum....
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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #26 
I miss you my sweet Rookster

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CKMP

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Reply with quote  #27 
Rookiesmama,
Your story of your sweet boy and your loss brings tears to my eyes every time.  The photos show such a happy pup - and one filled with grace and dignity and contentment.  Rookie was 'found' by you - the way it was meant to be and The bond developed between us and our special fur ones just seems to 'sneak' up on us and before you know it - we are inseparable!  The physical separation tears at the soul...never do we realize how integral, how woven into not just what we do but who we are are our fur ones.  
Guilt is what we carry thinking everything is within our control and we can 'fix' everything...probably a truer sentiment never expressed than 'if love could have saved you, you would have lived forever" that JennyTeddy reminds us of with each of her caring posts.  Our fur ones are just so darn resilient - hiding their pains, aches, discomfort until their bodies cannot continue on...Quality of life is what each of wishes to provide for and ensure for our fur ones and sometimes we forget that quality of life doesn't mean our own, but rather theirs...We can try expensive medical procedures, we can use all the drugs prescribed and no matter what their physical end is still just around the corner.  We can punish ourselves for what we did do, what we did not do and what we now think we should have done, but really we tend to make the best decisions for our special companions even through the emotional turmoil and terror that we are experiencing at the time.  Guilt sticks around far too long and even comes back to make 'surprise visits' when we believe we have 'pushed it out of the door'.   You did what was best for your Rookie, knowing your Rookie...no matter how many second guesses your mind leads through making now...
Grief perhaps can be seen as a bit of a 'gift' at times...I know that sounds 'crazy' but it is the physical manifestations of having the special bond with your fur one and of enjoying so many days just together - being loved unconditionally and loving unconditionally...so many people never get this chance once in a lifetime...Grief gets jumbled up with gratitude, loneliness and our fears of our lives without our support, our best friend ever, the one constant within our lives that never changed...
So many people truly do not understand the connections forged, and unknowingly [or even at times knowingly] say hurtful and dismissive things about our losses.  I have come to realize that I was my girls' 'champion' and 'protector' while they physically walked beside me and even today that is my role and purpose.  Their lives mattered and make a difference - as does your Rookie's. - So, because they are dogs, they are who they are, what they bring and what they give...They are 'just dogs' - a greater compliment could never be spoken...And when someone uses it as a 'demeaning' phrase about my girls, somehow while yes it hurts, I feel pity for them and try to let them know they have hurt both myself and the memory of my girls...It is tough - as often this brings tears - but it is still my purpose to 'protect' them. - They were loved so because they were indeed dogs...our fur children.
Rookie is with you - his loving mom.  He would never leave you - and hears your voice, and walks with you where ever you may be or go.  The bond never weakens - he will hear what is forever within your heart.  And will know always he is so loved and so cared for.  Take care.
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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #28 
CKMP,
Your words are just so heartfelt and genuine, and they made me cry, but it was good. ❤ I'm so grateful to have found people who really "get, " this. I do believe Rookie was meant to be mine....I was his third person (returned to the shelter for being too puppy-ish and for chasing cats) and out of all the dogs I saw in the play yard that day, he was the only one who chose to sit right next to me instead of exploring. I just knew he was mine.

I like the idea of thinking of this grief as a gift because it definitely reminds me how much I love(d) him. I truly pity the people who don't have dogs or who have them but don't love them. As much as I hate this now, I wouldn't trade a moment I had with my Rookie.

Thanks again❤❤
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Rookiesmama

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Reply with quote  #29 
Nothing hurts more than having a good friend tell you that you need to get back to "real life. " 💔 Like feeling this way is a choice that I'm making that I can just switch on and off. It's been 12 days- I'm supposed to be carefree and happy? Or for her sake pretend I am?!
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JennyTeddy

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Reply with quote  #30 
Rookies Mama,

For her sake she wants you happy. Greif is uncomfortable for people. They don’t want you to be happy for your well being (yeah maybe) but it mostly has to do with them. They don’t like the sadness of greif it makes them uncomfortable. I heard this from a grief counselor online. I have had many people from the first week Teddy passed to the first month and even now at 3 months day very insensitive things to me.
Things that’s have been said to me that I’m sure you and everyone else here can relate.
“Get over it.”
“It’s a choice to feel this way, happiness is a choice.”
“Thats life, get over it, everyone dies.”
“Pets are always going to die before us that’s the way life goes.”
“You need medication.”
“There is something wrong with you.”
“Stop dwelling on it”
“Stop focusing on the negatives.”

I’m sure all of us on this forum could write a novel of the insensitive things said to us. People are really insensitive and cold and I’m sorry you’re being treated that way. 💔 I’m very thankful for this forum, otherwise I wouldn’t have anyone to talk to and for the first month teddy passed I didn’t have anyone to talk to.

Again, im sorry your friend is being insensitive. Just know there is nothing wrong with you and how you’re feeling is totally normal! And remember you have all of us here on the forum who genuinely understand and I hope you find comfort here. Sending you big hugs and much comfort. 💛

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