Lunabird
I'm having such a hard time after having my macaw parrot, Woody euthanized. He went peacefully, but I can't stop reliving our final moments together. I know part of the grief process includes anger, sometimes towards ourselves or another person. And I'm experiencing it big time towards my mother, who mishandled him so many times that he became crippled up with arthritis at a fairly young age. I have another parrot who she's mistreated and now have to consider giving her to my ex-husband so she doesn't end up like Woody. 
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Billysmummy
Dear lunabird
First I'm sorry for your loss. It is normal to feel anger and I directed this at the vets for failing to treat my senior dog properly and even at my children, whom I felt I spent too much time putting to bed ( it could take over an hr some days) and my husband for not helping me more around the house, so I was always tired and once again had less time to enjoy billy. However, it passed and I realised there is no point blaming people and that I loved my family with all their faults, as did Billy.
I don't know everything about your situation and mum, but I'm sure she never intentionally meant to hurt. Maybe it is just worth having a chat. You need to heal and spending time feeling angry can hamper that. Wasting energy on anger is so damaging to you and relationships and that is not what your beloved would want.
Give yourself time and try to focus on the good memories.
X
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Lunabird
Thank you Billysmummy. I'm very sorry for your loss. The guilt you felt sounds pretty normal to me, and you obviously have immediate support from a loving family to help you work through it. I know what I'm feeling is temporary and I try to focus on the good memories and not lay blame. Even though my mother probably didn't mean to intentionally hurt Woody, I guess my anger comes from the times I remember telling her that she shouldn't try to handle him if she can't do it properly. I told her several times that she was going to cripple or kill him. I keep remembering this and her lack of remorse for each mishap. It's really not possible to chat with her about it. Three days after Woody left this world she ridiculed me for grieving. Even though he's only been gone 2 and a half weeks, it only adds to the pain of my loss by not being allowed to grieve in front of her. I suppose it's time for me see a grief counselor.
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MurphysMom_0831
Lunabird wrote:
I'm having such a hard time after having my macaw parrot, Woody euthanized. He went peacefully, but I can't stop reliving our final moments together. I know part of the grief process includes anger, sometimes towards ourselves or another person. And I'm experiencing it big time towards my mother, who mishandled him so many times that he became crippled up with arthritis at a fairly young age. I have another parrot who she's mistreated and now have to consider giving her to my ex-husband so she doesn't end up like Woody. 


I'm so sorry for your loss of Woody. Macaws are such beautiful parrots and birds are such a blessing to our lives. I have an almost 22-year-old very talkative Congo African Grey who I love dearly and who returns that love to me ten-fold. How old was Woody? I'd love to see pictures of him if you have some to post and feel comfortable doing so.

I'm sorry that your mother mistreated your birds. It must be very difficult to deal with such a situation. Perhaps she doesn't really understand how incredibly delicate they are, even big birds like Macaws. I hope you don't have to give up your other parrot, but if you feel she is safer I fully understand. Your situation must be incredibly hard to bear and I'm so sorry for all that has happened and is happening. We get so attached to our birds; they're so beautiful and loving and trusting of us. Many people don't understand birds nor our attachment to them because they've never experienced their love. I've never lost a bird, but my former brother-in-law, who gave me my bird, lost his beautiful little Jardine parrot a few years ago due to unknown causes. I was very attached to him, too. His name was Piper and he and my bird were great friends when they lived together.

I wish you many happy memories of Woody and the best of luck with your other parrot.

Blessings,
Murphy's Mom (Kathryn)
"Sometimes there is a dog who is so special, he is able to wrap himself so completely around your heart it is impossible to tell where you begin and he ends."  For My Beloved Murphy, 08/31/2004 - 06/18/2014


http://rainbowsbridge.com/residents/MURPH121/Resident.htm


http://s327.photobucket.com/user/kathrynbrown1626/library/?sort=6&page=1
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Katel
Lunabird wrote:
I'm having such a hard time after having my macaw parrot, Woody euthanized. He went peacefully, but I can't stop reliving our final moments together. I know part of the grief process includes anger, sometimes towards ourselves or another person. And I'm experiencing it big time towards my mother, who mishandled him so many times that he became crippled up with arthritis at a fairly young age. I have another parrot who she's mistreated and now have to consider giving her to my ex-husband so she doesn't end up like Woody. 


Lunabird:   I'm very sorry at the loss of Woody.  I do agree that anger can be  part of grief, mine became directed towards a couple of people who being pet owners should have known better and respected my grief, which they didn't   One in particular just wanted me to hurry up and 'get over it'.  We do get over it but we must be able to grieve in  our way and in our own time.
From what you've said if your mother is mistreating your parrot then it's not safe with
her around.  It's very sad and hard for you but you just can't have that.  And whether she likes it or not you go ahead and grieve in whichever way you want to,   cry,  talk about Woody, get it out,  and don't bottle it up ......   not for anyone.

I wish you peace and healing ,
Blessings,
Kate 

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Lunabird
Thank you Murphysmom and Katel. Woody was 18 years old. And until we moved in with my mother because she needs assistance, he was very active and talkative. My other bird is a Jardine's parrot. She's very sweet, but my mother dislikes her intensely because of a previous bite. Bird people understand that we can't take a bite personally. And a bite does not mean the end of the relationship with our birds. My mother is elderly and bitter over the loss of her cat 2 years ago. I might add that her cat bit her many times over the years she had her which, in my opinion, was a direct result of mishandling. I can truly empathize with you Kate because my mother loved her cat and also had a parrot who died about 8 years ago from fatty liver disease. So if anybody could understand my pain, you would think she could. I'm really grateful to have a few friends who cry and grieve with me over my loss of Woody. He was quite well known and very popular in my neighborhood. They'll also be here to comfort me when I send Yoshi off to live with my ex.
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Katel
Lunabird ...  I'm so glad you have friends who respect your grief.  It's so important.  yes you'd think your mother would understand but that's how it is with some people.  One friend of mine who particularly let me down is supposedly a 'close' friend and knows what grief is, for herself, but there's no compassion there for me,  so I just don't like seeing much of her right now. as I'm in such a dark place.     She was disrespecting when my dog died 4 months ago, more or less telling me to snap out of it,  and just the same now my other little dog is dying.  So be it. I much prefer to come here and be with people who are comforting and
caring.

It's sad Yoshi has to go but you know she will be safe with your ex.  And again Im sorry at the loss of Woody, who was so much a beautiful part of your life.  Macaws are just gorgeous and so clever.  If you feel like it I'd love to see a photo of him sometime. 

Prayers for peace and healing,
Kate 

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