jenluvslady
Hello,

My name is Jen and I lost my beloved Ladybug(boxer) very recently.  I am having such a hard time and was curious if anyone here has ever experienced anything like I did?  Here's my story........
I rescued a beautiful white boxer 3 years ago named Ladybug she was at the Humane society and was listed as a special case.  She had been adopted twice used for breeding then returned both times.  She was 5 yrs when I adopted her and she passed at 8.  We were such a perfect pair and she was my close companion while my husband was deployed to Iraq.  Any where I went she was at my feet even in the bathroom...lol   I later rescued a white american bulldog from the pound and even in a short year they developed a bond that no one could seperate.
Then about a month ago i noticed a lump in her breast and took her to our vet, he said it was not a good sign to have that in the mammary area when she had not been spayed until she was 5 yrs and it needed to be removed and biopsied.  So on monday april 19th she went in for surgery.  The pre-surgical blood work was great and she came out of surgery great.  So I brought her home and she was my normal happy, loving, silly, piggy girl.  Then on Thursday I put both doggies into the kennel and left to go to the store.  My mom came over and let them outside and all was fine until 10 minutes later she looks outside and she was on the ground not breathing.  I raced home and ran to her side and tried cpr but nothing was working so I rushed her to the vet and she was gone.  I stayed with her as long as I could then kissed her muzzle and told her I loved her. 
I have been struggling so bad with the guilt and sadness.  I wake up because i swear i hear her barking and i have a hard time looking out the kitchen window because i see her laying there.  The vet has been so confused because she had so my life left in her.  He has no idea what happened to her but can only figure it was a blood clot because she fell and died so quickly.  But he isnt convinced it was caused by the surgery because it happened 4 days after and he said it would usually happen very quickly.  I was doing a little better until I found out that her biopsy results were that the lump was not cancer so now i feel terrible because she never needed the surgery after all.  The pain has been unreal.  I just hope she knows how sorry i am for not being here and holding her as she died and she understands i only did the surgery to help her.  I hope I feel better once I have her ashes here with us in the house so she knows she is home with the family that adored her. 
On her rainbow bridge memorial I used the song "Angel" because she was pulled from the wreckage and in my arms I was her angel and now she is mine.

Thanks for listening.........RIP my Angel

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Goobiesbf
I'm so sorry for your loss.  Your Ladybug has kindness in her face. You must miss her terribly. You did everything absolutely perfectly including giving your wonderful dog 3 years of love and care that she'd never known before.  Considering her background she could have had any number of things wrong that you could have never known about. You couldn't have known the lump wasn't cancerous without the biopsy and it's normal procedure while an animal is under anesthesia to remove the lump to avoid having to do anesthesia a second time so close to the first.  It's also not uncommon for some of the larger breeds to leave us at early ages.

The guilt is something we all struggle with.  We thought we did everything right but if we did everything right, our pet should still be here with us...so we must've done something wrong...and we go looking for it. And we start the "What if..." dialogue and play the "I should have/I could have..." game.  No, except in very specific, obvious cases, we didn't do anything wrong and if we could go back and live that time again, we'd usually do everything exactly the same way.  It's very difficult to admit to ourselves that we met a part of life - death - that we had no control over and it's very frustrating, tear your hair out frustrating, scream to the heavens frustrating.

From what you say, your baby was forced to grow up fast and lived a much harder life than a loved pet would have lived.  In your care she knew being loved and valued.  If she'd had a choice, she would've stayed with you but it was her time and she was called home.  She's gone on ahead and is running and playing at the bridge.

(How's your bulldog doing?  Dogs enjoy being in a pack and suddenly being a single can be confusing for them. He'll be grieving, too.  Please share my HUG with him.) 

Ellen
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jenluvslady
Thank you so much for your kind words.  Its nice to know that your not alone.  GentleGeorge when you mentioned your childhood dog and anthesthia poisoning it kinda got me thinking because I recall the doc saying she would just not fall asleep so he had to keep giving her more.  You are right and you will never know and have to accept that but boy things really get you wondering! 
And Ellen thank you and I do realize that she had a short not so wonderful life until she blessed me with coming into my life for the 3 years.  I know she would have wanted to stay but she was called.  Now she is my angel watching over me!  I am so very thankful I gave her some happiness in her life.  And my bulldog has taken it rough with howling which has been so hard to hear and he loved his girl they were inseparable.  But he is doing better.  I just give him my love and attention and hope he forgets his bad past and is happy.

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Hendrix

Awwww Jen - I'm so sorry for your loss. {{{HUGS}}}

No one's gonna hurt you, no one's gonna dare
Others can desert you,
Not to worry, whistle, I'll be there!
Demons'll charm you with a smile, for a while
But in time...

Nothing can harm you
Not while I'm around...

♥ I miss you so much, Hendrix ♥

Love you lots,
Mum
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