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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #76 

Dear Stormy,

I hope this finds you having a happy day at Rainbow Bridge,  I'm having a little better day today than I was yesterday, certainly better than I was having yesterday morning before I wrote you.  I didn't even have to sleep with a stuffed animal last night, because Skye (bless her little heart) crawled up under the blankets and lay down next to me for a few minutes, before she decided it would be a good idea to start crawling up and down under the sheets trying to play bite my stomach and legs.  I think she may have decided I'm just an oversized cat.  She'll even give me little nose bumps every now and then.  I wonder if you're coming to visit me sometimes when she does that stuff, like you're whispering in her ear, "Go do this to Daddy - he'll like it!"

The house still feels like there is an emptiness, though - I imagine it's going to feel that way for a long time.  My lap feels so empty after everyone else has gone to bed, because you're not curled up on it, and the silence of you not coming to find me and tell me it's time to go to bed is deafening.

Your mama and I are celebrating our anniversary today.  I still remember how when I first met her, I told her that ween if I were hitting it off with her, if you didn't like her, then things wouldn't go very far, because I wasn't going to get rid of you.  I'm glad that I kept that promise over the last 9 years, that the only reason I even took you in to the vet on that last day was to keep her from taking you while I was at work the next Monday...and that I continue to keep that promise even now as I refuse to let her take your ashes and bury them at her parents' house in NM where the other pets' ashes are buried.  You never wanted to be apart from me in life, and I'm going to do the best I can to keep you from having to be apart from me now.

I'd better go for now.  But you will be in my heart and on my mind all day today as you are every day.  And if I shed tears today, they will be for you and the love and companionship we shared for so many years. 

I love you, sweet Stormy.  To the ends of the known universe and back, I love you.  And I am dearly looking forward to the day I see you again at Rainbow Bridge.  Don't forget me, baby girl, and be looking for me.

Love,
Daddy


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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #77 
Hi David, 

You have been in my thoughts several times the past few days. I've been hoping things are going as well as possible. I hope today holds some sparks of encouragement, hope and joy for you. But I realize grief is mighty unpredictable and can swoop in harshly without a moment's notice.

It seems like you are doing excellent work, writing your thoughts and feelings to Stormy as you have. Beautiful and heart-wrenching letters.

I so understand your needing a few days back to pause and right the ship, regain emotional equilibrium, if that's possible with all the emotions that can assail us grievers. There are so many ways the grief reignites and can knock us off our footings again. 

I don't have other pets but it's not hard for me to imagine how empty your house still feels without Stormy's presence, despite the others being near. And how life-giving it felt to always be accepted and loved by Stormy, no matter what.

I do love that you're building a new attachment with Skye, day by day. I smiled to read of her nose bumps. Some dogs in Marissa's breed are nose bumpers and I was blessed that she was one. 'Twasn't very often, but it would make me laugh.

I hope this is one of your easier days, David. I just wanted to stop in and remind you that you're not alone in your sorrow. Listening and wishing you peace and comfort.



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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #78 
Hi Catie,

Thank you so much for checking in and your words of encouragement.  They are much appreciated.

Today has been a better day - I've mostly been focused on work and other things since I got home last night.  In some ways, I feel guilty about that, but part of me also knows that hopefully that shows I'm healing some, so it's welcome.

Skye's nose bumps are so cute - she was almost giving me mouth kisses last night, too. 😉  The little bugger got kicked out of the bedroom in the middle of the night, though, because she jumped on the bed at probably 2-3 am trying to play with my wife (I was dead to the world), and my wife couldn't redirect her energy.  So she (Skye) went to fall asleep on the couch.  She got some good snuggles from me this morning before work, though, to make up for it.

Stormy's unconditional love and acceptance (really ALL of my pets' doing that) is what keeps me going day after day.  And yes, the absence of that, even from only one, leaves a huge hole.

Thank you for the reminders and again for checking in.  With the 1 month anniversary approaching next week, I'm sure the next several days are going to be up and down, but I'll do my best to make it through.  I need to get a teacup candle and set up a little memorial out of reach of the kids...maybe I can do that this weekend.  My 7 year old just about sent me over the edge with grief the other day, because he got the bright idea to grab the bag with Stormy's ashes and pawprint, carry it into my bathroom, and do something with it that caused it to wind up lying in the bottom of the bathtub.  Thankfully, the container was still solidly shut.  I know he wasn't trying to be mean, but I had to have a pretty stern talk with him about leaving things in Daddy's room alone...

Maybe I should stock up on some Spree and chewy sweet tarts before June 19th comes...

Hoping you're having a better day these days as well.

__________________
David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #79 
Dear Stormy,

It's Wednesday.  I decided to wait until lunch to write you so that I don't feel like I'm avoiding working.

I hope things are good at the Bridge and that you've been making a lot of new friends.  It seems like I've heard of a bunch of pets who went there in the last several days.  It's so sad, really.  Your lives are so short compared to ours, I could go through at least another 2-3 in succession before I am reunited with you one day.  And the love I have for you certainly can't be expended in the short time you were with me.

Skye got in trouble with her mama last night, because she kept waking her mama up to play...so she got banned from the bedroom for the evening.  I remember you coming into my room the night after you learned to play fetch and dropping your fuzzy ball on my face at 1:30 in the morning and meowing to me.  I picked it up and without thinking, threw it, trying to give you a hint that it was time to go to sleep, but I forgot you were wanting to play.  You just trotted out the door, got the ball, brought it back, and did it again.

I need to get your memorial set up soon.  I still carry the little dogtag and urn necklace to work with me and can finger them whenever I start feeling sad, so that helps. 

I miss how you would nuzzle me on the cheek with your cheek when we'd snuggle. 

I miss, too, how you'd carry on conversations with me in the mornings while I got ready.  You'd start chattering and meowing, and I would answer you with things like, "Really? Well what happened after that?" "Oh.  Well, did you catch it?"  That was so funny, because it really felt like you were talking to me.

I must confess, I sometimes wonder what you would say to me if you COULD talk.  Even though that would probably have freaked me out if you started talking human, I still wonder what you would've told me over the last 10.5 years, or what you would tell me now if you could. 

I hate it when the grief waves start hitting.  I had a nasty UGA a few days ago, but even when it's not a UGA, the grief hitting feels like it just paralyzes me.  It starts feeling hard to breathe, I'm more sensitive to my heart beating, etc.  Oh, how I miss you, baby girl! 

I don't know how everything else is going...it almost felt better to not even try to talk things out and just try to let everything slowly simmer down...and given how short a time it's been, I still think it's the best choice, because there's no telling what I'd say if I tried to confront snyone about anything.  But, I know there's still hurt there, and that may last for a while - although I really am trying to put it behind me.

Well, I'd better let you go for now.  I love you, Stormy - more than I'll ever be able to describe.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #80 
Hi David,

I hope things went well at work this week. It's more than understandable, your focusing on other things and taking your energies in different directions. It is good that you're able to focus and not just go through the motions, as I think we all do at the beginning. 

I hope Skye can learn that nighttime isn't the right time to kick up a rusty and play, play, play! She's so young and probably is like something spring-loaded when she wants to pounce around. 

Whew! I'm not surprised that incident with Stormy's ashes and the bathtub churned up the grief! That was a relief, being able to swoop everything up, unopened!  And yeah, anniversaries are hard, for sure. Something about those, to me, makes things seem more real, the passage of a block of time. And the world hasn't stopped, though our losses were gripping, unwelcome milestones, the moments when our lives were permanently changed. I'm thankful people here understand the impact, the fallout.

Those UGAs are debilitating. They do indeed take a person's breath away and they're exhausting! I hope the waves have been smaller since. Either way you have my condolences. The journey is extremely tough emotionally. I continue to be sorry that you have the family issues adding to your pain. 

Sweet Baby Stormy! I love that you and she had morning conversations. Those kinds of exchanges are pure joy, truly a delight.  Special noises are something that I miss heaps, too.

Wishing you the best, as always, David. I hope this weekend is a restorative one for you.







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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #81 
Dear Stormy,

4 weeks have passed. While I have fewer days of just mind-numbing grief, I still think of and miss you constantly.

I’ve been thinking about going by the store and finding a small battery powered candle to have light on the 19th of every month. Maybe I can do that Sunday.

Skye looks more and more like you. It’s sad in a way, but it’s good, too.

I hope things are happy for you at the bridge, baby girl.

I’m sorry if it seems like I write the same things to you all the time. Guess my mind hasn’t yet allowed me to think of new things to say. But that’s ok, it will happen at some point.

I need to get to bed, but I wanted to make sure I wrote before I did.

Loving you always, baby girl.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #82 
Hi Stormy,

It was Father’s Day today. It was a good day with the kids and fur babies, but I sure missed you being there, as you were the first to make me a father. I hope you had a good day at the Bridge.

Well, we now know Skye likes sausage. I never could really interest you in table food, though I did try a few times. I wish I had tried harder to find out what special treats you would like. But you did like the treats from the pet store. You probably would have eaten those all the time if I would have let you.

I managed to procure a battery tealight candle that I can light on anniversaries. That eases my mind a little, because I now at least have a way to memorialize you, I just have to set up the rest. But I’m not sure my heart can take that right now.

I miss you baby girl.

I love you, Stormy. More than you can ever know.

Love,
Daddy

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #83 
Hi Catie,

Thank you for the words of encouragement the other day. They are always much appreciated.

Yes, I think Skye will learn eventually. I’m trying something new tonight, to see if I can get her tired enough from playing to just come fall asleep with me. I slept on the couch with her last night because she was kicked out of the bedroom again and was meowing unhappily.

I’m thankful for people who understand the grief we deal with too. And yes, those milestones are hard to face at times. Hopefully I can get through Tuesday without too much trouble, but you never know.

Yes, the waves have been smaller since. At least for now. I hope all the other issues sort themselves out soon. That will make things much easier.

Those morning conversations were the best. And so much fun to do. Maybe one of these days I will be having them with Skye.

I wish you a good nights sleep and better days this week. May you find a measure of peace in the little things tomorrow.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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msweet13

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Reply with quote  #84 
Dear David - Just stopping by to see how you are doing. I keep you and your beloved Stormy in my prayers. It seems as if Stormy is Skye's guardian angel and she is making sure that Skye "treats her daddy right!" Happy belated Father's Day. I wish you warm hugs and blessings of comfort.
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Denise (Brutus' Mom)
Brutus von Dolce
06/19/2006 - 03/16/2018
RIP my sweet beautiful boy
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #85 
Denise,

Thank you for the prayers.  I can feel myself getting stronger day by day - of course, I will always miss my baby girl, bur eventually I will make it through.  Similar to what Catie wrote on her thread, I hold on to hope that I will be reunited with Stormy one day down the road, but I also believe that ultimately in heaven, I'm not going to be saddened if anyone is not there who I cared about in this life - be they human or animal.  And so I will carry her memories with me daily as I walk this earth.

I agree with you about Skye and Stormy - it does seem as though Stormy is right there watching over Skye and helping her know that it's ok to trust me as her daddy and in a way helping her know just how much I would enjoy certain things.

Thank you for the belated Happy Father's Day.  It was a good one, in spite of missing Stormy....a little subdued, but still a good one.

Have a good day today and find a measure of peace in all that you do.  I saw on your thread that it's Brutus' birthday today - I know that must be hard.  I don't know the exact date for Stormy's birth, so I just have to guesstimate...but I have a couple more months before that hits yet.

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #86 
My Dearest Stormy,

Today is one month.  One month since that horrible needle was placed in your vein and the plunger was pushed that took you away from me.  I still ache when I think about you not being here, the house is still a little quieter and a little emptier.  I still feel some of the guilt that has haunted me ever since you took your last breaths in my arms. But while I am sad today, I still hold to the hope of seeing you again one day down the road, that this has not been a 'forever goodbye'.  I may be the only one in the house who sheds tears today, but that's ok.  I couldn't force anyone to love you like I did. 

I will light your candle this evening when I get home.  Hopefully I can get your little memorial set up soon.  I haven't found a memory box yet for photos, though.  I need to look for that sometime, but I also need to get all those pictures of you printed.  I don't think I'm quite ready to do that, but I'm scared that if I don't, they'll accidentally get deleted somehow.  I hope not, though. 

Skye keeps on doing her best to help me through everything.  She loves her snuggles and playtime, and she'll still even eat out of my hand.  I'm so glad that she chose me that day, much like you did those 10.5 years ago.  I think you would've loved her.

I love you, sweet baby girl Stormy.  With enough love to overflow my heart a million times over.

Love,
Daddy


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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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ForMitookie_03

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Reply with quote  #87 
David,

Just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.  It breaks my heart to read your letters to Stormy.  I can feel the pain and emotion that go into them.  I'm sorry you are having to go through this one month anniversary.  For me, one month has quickly become almost 5, yet I still miss my sweet Mitookie terribly.  Does it ever get better?  Well, it does get easier, but better, I'm still waiting for that. 

I hope you have a peaceful week and weekend ahead.

Kind regards,

Marina

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catiebee

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Reply with quote  #88 
David,

On this very hard milestone, I send warm thoughts and my heart goes out to you. It is unquestionably difficult, though I know you've gotten through it. I'm glad you can sense yourself growing stronger and I'm thankful you have the confidence that there is a heaven and there are reunions ahead.

I don't want to make assumptions about your beliefs and also don't want to offend, but an old little chorus I haven't thought of in a long time just wafted through my mind. The first two lines are below, and the last two lines are praise. Hope is a powerful thing!

No more night, no more pain
No more tears, never crying again

I trust that not only in the future as you mentioned, you won't be saddened, but that in present days your heart can be comforted and soothed and the conflicted grief feelings assuaged. The journey is tough, the pangs are many, and the longings for our sweet ones are great. But we are making our way toward healing. 

Best to you...



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Catie
-Missing Marissa deeply
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #89 
Hi Catie,

Don’t worry, you didn’t offend. That song you included pretty much sums up my beliefs, one day all my tears and sadness will be gone. That’s why I say that I know it will be ok, even if I turn out to be wrong about being reunited with Stormy one day, because I know ultimately every tear will be wiped away, which means I will be focusing on something other than whether or not I’ll ever see her again. In the meantime, holding on to the hope of seeing Stormy again keeps me going.

Thank you for your encouragement today. It is much needed and much appreciated, just as it is any time anyone offers encouragement.

David

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David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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AZTiger98

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Reply with quote  #90 
Dear Sweet Stormy,

Well, it's Wednesday.  I made it through Tuesday, somehow.  When I wrote you yesterday, a wave a grief started washing over me and kind of camped out for the rest of the day.  Not to where I was crying, but I could tell I was emotionally down and just really subdued.  Maybe I'm not as far along in grieving as I want to believe I am - but then, maybe isolated waves of grief aren't the best way for me to judge that.  I know I've gotten somewhat stronger, just because I'm no longer waking up or coming home in such a funk that all I want to do is be reclusive in my room with my memories of you.  I can carry my memories of you with me and still, for the most part, go about my day productively.

I keep going back to just how unfair it seems that you sweet furbabies only get to be here for such a short time.  You give so much to us meowmmies and purr-purrs, endear yourselves to us so much, and then in what seems like almost no time at all, you're ripped away from us, leaving a huge hole.  We try to fill that with other furbabies, knowing that they'll never replace you, but pretty soon, all we're left with by the time we leave this earth is a huge hole from our heart being divided up among all our furry children...not to mention our non-furry loved ones.

I guess I should get to work now.  I hope you have a wonderful day at the Bridge, Stormy.  I hold on tightly to the hope that I will get to see you again when my time to leave this earth has come, and that we will spend eternity together again.

Daddy loves you, baby girl.  Always and forever, until eternity has passed.

__________________
David

Daddy to beloved fur baby Stormy
08/2003 - 05/19/18
Stormy’s Residency https://www.rainbowsbridge.com/residents/STORM059/Resident.htm
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